Wanna hear something

I totally forgot to tell you what the crazy guy at the Renaissance Festival said to me. I was pushing Lily in her big stroller. It is not really a wheelchair. That damn thing is too heavy to take anywhere, we just use that for her to take the bus to school and back. Her stroller is a $1500 stroller that they are some how allowed to charge because not enough people have a 4 year old the size of a 6 year old that can't walk and can't fit in a regular stroller. My point.....well the guy at the coffee stand said "get her an espresso that will make her walk on her own". At first I was like, did he really just say that to me? Then I smiled and laughed. Wanna know why? Because he had the balls to say something like that and not mean any harm at all. I do not fair well with any comment made to my Lily. I don't like stares, I don't like questions like "what's wrong with her". Every time we are asked that Andrew takes a stance like he is on a boat that he knows is going to hit some major waves. He knows I will say "What's WRONG with her?" and then he walks away. I also despise the sad looks, the half hearted smile that say "I'm sorry". But this was different. This was a joke in a light hearted manor that made me laugh. I don't know if it was the accent. Knowing British humor, or being just so Haaa Zaaar at the place I was in a punch drunk love state of mind.
I felt some sort of revelation at that moment. The moment while I walked away, pushing Lily... smiling and thinking... "I must remember this moment".

It's like crack!

OMG, my sister got me addicted to listening to books on my Ipod! Like Addicted with a capital A! Seriously. You have to try it.
I don't have time to sit and read a book, and I didn't think I had time to stick earphones in my ear and clear out my brain, but I am halfway thru my second book in less than 2 weeks.
This one is so addicting, my favorite author Jodi Picoult, 19 Minutes. Like crack. Seriously... I am riding the snake.

hummm

So I am at a loss as to what to say today. I am usually so full of thoughts, but I have been sleeping lately. I think most my blog ideas come up when I am up, awake. Just lying there, I come up with some brilliant ideas. They aren't so brilliant once I am up and at the computer the next day, but getting 8 full hours of sleep two nights in a row has left me absolutely boring. I mean seriously, absolutely boring.
Bitter, depressed, insomniacs are way more interesting to read about.

Note to self....

Don't wear the cute new Victoria Secrets boy shorts undies and off the shoulder sweatshirt if I just want to go to sleep.

Bye Bye Bye

So MIL was off today. We actually had a nice time, but 8 days of anyone is a bit much.
We have some silent struggles with a battle of mother and grandmother. I am sure she is glad to leave me as well as I am glad the time is over.
I love the woman, I am fortuante to have a good mother in law. I have heard the horror stories, but I don't think I can take my own mother 8 days in my home... sorry maw.
So I am excited to get back to reality. Having Andi back in daycare which will be rough after not going all week. Lily is back home with the nurse. I can make dinner for my family and we can do our usual night time routine.
I am getting old, I know it. I like things the way I like them. I will be a hell of a 60 year old. I bet my poops will be on the clock with old Grey's reruns. I am sure I will watch those, won't I? I will eat a certain dinner on certain days of the week and any unwelcome houseguest will send me to the shrink to deal.
Oh well, I am what I am.
Back to reality!

Is this strange?

Why did I feel sad when my baby turned 2? I spent most of Saturday on the verge of tears. Is it because her fingers will soon loose their dimples? Is it because she stopped saying pizzie and now says pizza. Is this because except for the diapers and thanks to Lily those will always be in the home, there is no sign of a baby anymore. My baby is now breast feeding her dolls, walking around with them in a blanket and rocking them to sleep. She caresses their hair and kisses their foreheads. And no matter what shenanigans she pulls, I know I am a good mother because of that. She is thoughtful and caring and already mothers her big "Sissy Blu". I think it is because I have the inability to stop time and Lily in a few months will turn 5. Then Andi will be 3. Then one day her daddy will walk her down the aisle.
I need dimpled fingers in my home damnit!
And the ability to stop time, can you get that online along with gaydar?

Wow, 2!

So sniff, sniff.... my baby girl will be 2 tomorrow. The day when eveyone is drinking and puking green beer, I will be celebrating at Peter Pipper Pizza the begining of a new year. I am sure since the past year has been filled with tantrums, biting, hitting and pointing a finger at me telling me no, this new age of 2 will be filled with more of the same. But also filled with big grins, sloppy kisses, never ending energy and hopefully still a little girl absolutlely in love with her mommy. The little girl that loves fancy shoes, but never lets me brush her hair. The little girl that laughs huge belly laughs when you kiss her neck. The little girl that dances and shakes her butt anytime music is playing..... my little girl is growing up and I love her more every day.
Happy Birthday my sweet, fiesty little St. Patrick's Day baby! Here is to you.....

Hello?!

Ok so Andi stayed home with Grandma yesterday and napped in her crib for 1.5 hours. And the real kicker, she wanted to go into her crib and just played then fell asleep. Hello! This is the same kid that I have to nurse, rock and gently lie down then usually she still wakes and has to cry for 5 minutes before she falls asleep.
I think I just need to move out. Everytime Andrew takes her places he sings her praises. Them mommy takes her places and this is what happens....

This is the floor at Target. Sigh....

Anyway, anyone watch the snoozer of American Idol last night. Crips almighty. Another show like that and I might actually pretend to quit watching.
Man, I hate my period. Makes me very Grouchy. I think I better crawl back into my trash can, I am sure I smell like I came from one.

Haa Zaaarrrr

So we went to the Renaissance Festival on Sunday and Haaaa Zaarrrr! I love that place! I swear, I am a drama dork under cover and in another life I would travel with the Renaissance Festival..... sigh.. I really spend all year looking forward to that place. It isn't like the AZ State Fair, and it most certainly is not the ostrich festival in chandler where we went on Sat. evening. I guess a place with more Gang Enforcement officers than people is a bit uncomfortable.
But see the Renaissance Festival, the Renaissance Festival has free parking. It is out in the middle of no where, but so incredibly organized getting there and going there. Sure, the tickets are a bit steep, but you can get a bottle of water for $2 there. Ostrich festival... snow cone, $4. $4? And it ain't a "God D@#* that's a good mother f@*%ing snow cone" either. Just a snow cone. (If you haven't noticed, I love John Travolta and I like to quote his movies. I am not sure if anyone but Marlene followed that one though). Anyway, the weather is amazing in March. I look forward to my first tan of the year at the Renaissance Festival. I just love that place. It really took me about 15 years to admit it but damnit! I wanna be in the Renaissance Festival!
I appreciate the fact that there are same sex couples comfortably walking around. I know conservatives get the eebbie jeebies, my own husband included but I would rather my kids see what this world really is. Not as some people wish it were.
Hell I even love to see the men walking around so freely in their dresses and high heels, although they should know they aren't fooling anyone. Real woman know better than to wear heel and nylons to a dusty, hot open area where you walk for miles. But I appreciate being in a place where they are comfortable to do so.
Anyway, you get the point. I love that place and am already excited for next year. My family better watch out, I am getting pretty freaking close to getting my own corset and really going for it next time.
I am afraid I see myself at 50, with a lot of incense, mystic stones and a lot of cats.

Andi's real daddy



**My mother in law is here for the week. I think things will go well. I love her and she is a big help. Especially since our nurse took the week off for her kids Spring Break, and Lily's is next week. So it will be a huge help having Grandma here. The only thing is, she is the reason my old blog has been diminished. Off somewhere in the mist of old Antonella Barba websites land. We haven't discussed the whole incident much and I know she went looking for it and it was gone, so there may be some weirdness..**

Lowest life form

So using a line from my favorite movie, just instead of men, the word is Donna.
"Donna's are rats, listen to me, they're fleas on rats, worse than that, they're amoebas on fleas on rats. I mean, they're too low for even the dogs to bite."

My brother is physically handicapped. He has full mental capacity which is a double edge sword. He has to know just how cruel the world is. I am thankful my Lily gets to live in a world that to her understanding is safe, and kind.
My brother is so less fortunate. He has spent his life self medicating his problem. I think my parents did a great job with him. They put a tube around him and would throw him in the pool. They would take his hands to the ATC handles and send him on his way. He went on every family vacation. Camping, Disneyland, the beach, the snow. He has been skiing with special adapted equipment. He has never been treated "special", he would kick my sister and my ass and we would take him down when needed. We have a very memorable family portrait with my sister and a black eye and my brother with a gash on his forehead, typical family feuds. I am trying to say that even though my brother had a world of obstacles, we didn't make him feel "less than". But that was childhood, adulthood that is a different story.
Bryan struggled for independence. He has always wanted to be independent. Yet his physical disability is rather severe. He cannot alone bath, or even go to the bathroom. He is wheelchair bound completely. He has always befriended people who are "outsiders", druggies, losers. You name it, they are. They were always there at the 1st of the month for his social security check and then boom gone until of course next month. They helped him drink, smoke and do drugs. Bryan once said "pot has opened doors from him" literally. Really, that is how he learned to open doors. Pot is fine, it helps him relax. Crystal meth on the other hand, not so helpful with the spasticity, he has had issues with crack since his late teens.
So now on to Donna, Bryan met Donna about 6 years ago and her and her no teeth have been a part of our family since. But not in the way, that she is a sister I never had. More like in the sense of a stray dirty cat that adopts you and you have no choice, but to leave food outside for it. Just because you are a human and even though you hate the dirty thing, you can't knowingly see it outside and hungry and not feed it. That is Donna.
She and Bryan have had a severely tumultuous relationship, volatile actually. They beat each other up. They drink, smoke and do drugs together. I could go on for ever about this low life piece of crap, but I won't. I just want to share how she recently showed just what a low life she is.
Bryan was in the hospital recently with yet again Pancreatitis, he will eventually go into organ failure if he doesn't quit his drinking.
Well Donna took this as an opportunity to move out, while he was in the hospital. She takes all his money and makes him pay her sisters bills. She lets strangers stay in their trailer that my dad owns and they stay at rent free. She complains about taking care of him, but has no issues taking his money week after week.
She will get a job until the state finds her and starts taking money out for child support and back child support, then of course she quits. I mean why should she take care of her two daughters she never sees? Thank God for their sake.
Ugh.... Bryan just said she is moving back in to "help" him since he is back home. No, today is Friday. She knows Friday means Bryan gets a paycheck for not working and she spends it.
UGGHGHGHGHH! I just don't want to speak to him. It sickens me that he lets this woman just walk over him. Her and her no teeth. She is disgusting. Absolute waste of the air I breathe.

**oh and to add insult to injury..... American Idol? What the hell? Who is voting for freaking Sanjaya??!?!??!?!? Seriously people! Stop, it isn't funny. This is taking me back to the year when the big tall red head who KILLED Crocodile Rock, in a very bad way kept sticking around. Don't do this!!!

Oh I did see Zodiac last night. Not only was the movie absolutely FAB! The celeb eye candy was just yummy. You all know I adore my Jakie but throw a little Robert Downey Jr., who was great and had some great lines that gave the movie just enough humor to keep it from being totally dark. Then you have Mark Ruffalo and the uber yummy Dermot Mulroney. Plus I have always loved Dr. Green, not because he is handsome, but I just like him. You go Goose! Good to see you around in a great movie.
That made me proud like seeing Josh Jackson in Bobby. I have a soft sport for all those Dawson Creekers.

Ok, done... Kim Out

Here you go!

Here is my friend Allison and me at the News Station. They gave us way too much time in an empty studio. I guess there is no Way Back Wednesday.

I wanna Play!!!

I love parties!!! Ok I am playing, thanks Kelly for the idea!
So if any newbies wonder over here let me tell you a little about myself.

*I am Kim
*I am 28 years old
*I have been married 5 years to a great looking and funny 25 year old
*I was a fashion model for 10 years until I
*had my first daughter
*she turned my world upside down
*she has "special needs", nice way of saying can't walk, talk, see well
*we have no diagnosis, but she is the best!
*she has taken me from a selfish, superfical, fashion obsessed to an
*unselfish fashion obsessie, c'mon I can't change completely
*I also have a "typical" almost two year old daughter.
*who is easier to raise? My special baby doll
*the two year old has taught me a lot as well
*like, permanent marker is just as it says permanent
*a whole lot of tooth paste can clog a drain
*two seconds of quiet means at least 5 minutes of clean up
*i love to blog.
*i need an outlet
*i am a co-owner of a woman's boutique in mesa AZ
*i was raised christian by a religious mother and drinking dad
*i think that made me a middle of the road type of gal
*i have an amazing family that i love spending time with
*a day without seeing or talking to my mom and sister is a rare day
*i've got a way cooler aunt than anyone
*i still miss modeling
*i love any chance to do things publicly
*some rude people may call me a attention whore
*i like to think of it as a attention lover
*i think i am a lucky lady with a great life
*i just like to complain b/c it is easier being negative than positive

So many thoughts, so little time....

So "Fashionable Friday" went well! I had to stand next to the cutie reporter who happened to be about 2 inches shorter than myself. He was very kind and my "models" all did well. He especially liked my niece Lindsey and asked her where she went to school and such. My friend Allison looked beautiful and my moms friend Karen did well. Although, I did have an arguement with her. She is 50 and is showing the MATURE clothing from our store, which she doesn't like wearing. Her outfit was nice and conservative. I told her that during practice I wanted to say the outfit is great for an Easter Brunch and she freaked. Told me that is for "old" ladies. Oh ok. The only problem was my "models" are all about 5'3" and the reporter was about 5'9" and then there was me, 6'1" with my little wedges. Oh well, the producer loved us and said he wants us back with in the next few months. Hopefully my buddy will be gone by then. I could see him on TV. It was like a bump under my skin. I kept it from being red, but he was still there. Oh he was still there.....

So I had one of those can't sleep, mind won't stop nights on Sunday and I came up with some brilliant material to write about. Sad thing is though... it has all been forgotten. I did end up bawling like a baby, I was thinking of what I can do for Lily's teacher at the end of the year and I was thinking of things and then I just started crying. Laying in bed, just sobbing. Everytime I think about school being over I get chocked up and change the subject. Well I just let myself cry and cry and cry. I am such a baby. Maybe if I can do that a few more times before the day actually comes, I can stay out of the hospital due to hyperventilation.

So what is the deal with grocery shopping? I mean, it is usually my "break" from the kids, but I was thinking to myself. Break? Shopping SUCKS! I mean seriously. You spend at least 30 minutes putting items into your cart. Then about 5 unloading them onto the little moving thing. Then you pay, God forbid you forget your little money savings card. Oh but let me give you a little hint. I heard this on the radio and it really works. I don't have an Albertsons card anymore, it is lost. I never actually registered my phone number, but wanna know whose number is registered? Jenny's. Just type in your area code and 867-5309. It works at every store I have tried. I don't really shop at Albertson's they are a rip off, but on those quick trips Jenny really pulls through. Anyway, then the kid puts your bags back into your cart. Then you again load them into your car. THEN you unload then out of your car and load them into your kitchen. I mean, if that is a break, then maybe my next break I should see about looking into needles in my eyes.

Wish me luck

I am off to the TV station in a few. My make up is heavy, my hair looks great, but my damn buddy is still trying to shine. What a show stealer. I'll let you know just how exciting this whole thing goes. I was thinking of saying a major "don't" this spring is sporting your buddy on your chin. What do you think?
Oh and in response to one of my comments. I am surprised you had a My Buddy. There was also a Kid Sister for girls. :)

My buddy....

Remember that doll and that song... my buddy, my buddy, where ever I go, he goes.....
Well me and my buddy are off to get our hair done.
I figure since he isn't leaving any time soon, I better just embrace this zit on my chin.
My buddy and me...

Way Back Wednesday

Today's assignment is nakie nakie! Be sure to visit The Kept Woman's site (on my links) to see who started all this funness!
This is hard to play since my mom has all the good pix! This is the best I could come up with. Me with my dad. I think he is more naked than myself though, this is probably the summer of 1979.




And here is more recent but in all reality it really isn't. This was for a magazine, years ago. I can't even remember which magazine, plus I am not even all the sure this is me, but I was one of two girls who walked amongst the feet and that was the undies I was wearing that day, but I was also lying there with my feet in the air, for todays sake we will assume the ass is mine.... We are modeling stockings. (it didn't scan so hot)

"It's got its own area code!"

So I have this ginormous zit! It is not a zit, zit. A zit I can handle. I know make up. I have been dealing with zits and make up for a looong time. This is a cyst zit that has zits on the zit. I know I am grossing you out, I am sure. But this thing has a mind of its own. Remember, I have to go on TV on Friday? At this point they might as well mike up the zit. I think it has far more to say than I do.
Oh boy......

What ever should I do????

So I was browzing the blogs and there is like these contests and all this stuff that people vote on and people win things for being a good blog.
So I am thinking, what do I need, how do I get my blog out there, just not where MIL can see it and get people to read it? Then do I really care? Well I don't, but I do.
Well screw it, are those other blogs gonna be on Good Day AZ? I mean that is some really cool sh!t. I thought a sware word could get me some street cred.
This Friday. Tivo me on 3 TV @ 11am. I am telling you all what to wear this spring. I know hardly any of you are in AZ, but if you are watch. Let's make a drinking game out of it. How many times do I say um or like.

SURPRISE!

So after sweating bullets yesterday, the party went without a hitch!
He went from being suspcious to clueless! I did muey bueno!
My mom did it all, I just had to get him there. He thought we were going to dinner at a nice place and we're meeting at my parents first. He was so stresseed and didn't think we had time to stop. I was so nervous! It went awesome!
We are so fortunate to have the friends we do! We had a great time. And we had the sweetest sitter for the girls. She brought her 4 month old and Andi couldn't get rid of us fast enough, she gave us kisses and said "bye mommy, bye daddy."
Go me! I did good!

Feelings....

So my husband and I are back in each others good graces. We are back to the lovey dovey couple that grosses most people out. We had a good talk the other night and some good making out, and now all is well. Until he gets suckered in again by some little girl scout.
Good thing since his party is tomorrow. Thanks to some quick thinking on my part and some acting by his friends he is once again clueless. I just hope I can get thru this one more day, I hate keeping secrets. I suck that them. It should be a fun party and everyone seems to be on board and excited about it. My husband is rather popular. I just know he knows cars and if he sees one vehicle that looks like someone he knows, he'll know. Wish me luck. This should be fun!

As far as AI goes, I just wanted to say good choices. I know all them white girls are out, they don't compare. I think the punk girl is the only whitie with much of a chance. And go Jordin! She is an AZ girl!

As far as Grey's goes, ehhh... I wasn't blown away by the show. The only thing I realized is, I am still not over Denny's death. I just bawled at the end. I just loved Izzy and Denny and I am broken up over him being dead all over again.

Oh and KELLY... guess what I go for one of Andrew's gift's? Spring Training tix to see the Angels next Sunday. Jealous?? I decided not to get him crap for his truck like he is asking for, but some dates that he says we never do. So we have baseball, movies and the improv all coming up! :) Go me. I am so sweet.

Way Back Wednesday

I am playing today, just because... I am not commiting to every week.. ok....
Way Back Wednesday is a blog game where on Wed. you post a picture of the weeks challange. I can't figure how to link things in here so visit MissingJTsnow for the rules. Today is posting a picture of you mad.

I was pissed Andrew took this picture of me at his parents place in South Dakota several Thanksgivings ago....

Good thing for unconditional love

Can anyone please explain to me why able bodied humans take the elevator designed for handicapped people? And especially tell me why everyone crams into one while I am standing there with a screaming tantrum throwing toddler in one arm and in the other pushing a child in a wheelchair. Oh there's no room for me? I guess *I* will wait for the next one. I won't mention that all your effing legs effing WORK! Oh my God, had I had a gun, I could have possibly gone bolistic and taken off every person in that elevator yesterday.
We went to the AZ Science Musuem, they have this controversial exhibit of dead people. You see their muscles, bones and who knows what else. I had a freak out tantrum thrower the minute we got in there so I wouldn't know. I know better to try to get the child to nap anywhere but home. I just really wanted to go to this exhibit. She wanted to nurse and nap and I wanted her to rest on my shoulder. Neither of us got our way and I had to leave thru the entrance. Wait on two elevators and walk thru a huge parking structure and up another filled elevator with more able bodies while holding a spazing Andi, trying to get out of my arms and pushing Lily with my other hand.
That was a moment where I wished I was anyone but this child's mom.
She of course passed out in the car and after another tantrum after being woken up by being taken her out of the car. She was then finally back to cute and sweet. I realized then just how lucky she was that #1 I am *not* a hitter and #2 how I have unconditional love for this child.
Ohhhh she is so lucky. So effing lucky......

Just throw me under the bus why don't you....

So a show on a local news channel (sonoran living) called and said this woman liked out boutique and wanted to do an interview in our store.
We were under the impression we would be giving *her* some friendly advice and go from there. Of course we said yes, publicity is publicity. Well I feel completely thrown under the bus.
The weird thing is we were called to do a fashion show on this same show on Monday, but we said we are doing this thing today so they said "oh too much of one store" so in other words we did this little segment ilo a fashion show showing off what we specialize in..... clothing.
Well this was a show about a woman opening a boutique, but she is going thru our store showing what *she* likes and what *she* would do different. I heard the whole thing and wasn't too offended. She is an older woman so she obviously has a different point of view.. whatever. But then the camera man wants her walking around and pretend to shop. Well she says "can I bring her in?" (me) and he says "sure." So I think we are "pretending" and boom, thrown, under the bus.... totally completly Final Destination style, just there one minute gone the next.
This lady says "I have an event, I need a top". Ok so I start showing her stuff and she says "well, that won't work for me." "Ok how about this?" "That isn't in my price range." "Ooookkkkkaaaay what about this?" "Well what would I wear under this?" "A black cami." "What about another color and accessorize it." "Ok, yeah maybe a red cami with red shoes and bag." "Well I was thinking more jewerly." "Ok yeah jewlery"... what ever. "So then what about this?" "Well that isn't my color. Don't you think that isn't my color? What do you think is my color?"..... holy freaking crap lady! What the hell do you want me to do???? I was so pissed. The camera man finally stopped her and said lightly, "this is just pretend." I said "I am not that well versed in my mom's area. I know they younger stuff." I got very quiet at the end of taping but I was fuming.
My mom told me AFTERWARDS this lady is into people knowing peoples colors, and selling jewlery with outfits and etc. Well that is NOT how I roll. I don't care what color I am, I am 28 years old. I was 8 when everyone was into their "seasons".
Ugh... I am just so annoyed. We gave up a flattering piece just so I can look like an idiot.
I am going to email the editor and tell him he cannot use our store name or my face if it is played the way it went. Lucky for me the camera man is also the editor. He recognized me from the previous segment we did a few months ago and the fact that he was flirting with me makes me think it will be more favorable than I think.
Thank goodness for these big ol boobies....

Ok got to get serious...
Remember my friend on bedrest? She went to a specialist and they had a more indepth ultra sound. Turns out the baby has no kidneys which makes sense why there is no fluid. The babies heart is enlarged b/c it is trying to compensate for the lack of fluid. Turns out there is no way the baby will survive. She will go back to discuss delivery and such in a later apt. She wants to wait until after March 9th b/c she is in a wedding for a close family member. So unless the baby passes before then she will remain pregnant. Then she will deliver the baby who will not survive.
I am absolutley heart broken for her. She is so undeserving of this. Not that anyone is, but she is an extra special person. She is so kind and sweet and so selfless. She just wants to be a mom and now has to hand two babies over to a God whom she loves and faithfully follows. So unfair. So wrong.
I will update, but keep her in your prayers. Calm her heart.

Bling Bling Diamond Ring

So for Christmas Andrew upgraded my wedding ring diamond from a .3 caret he got me when he was 19 years old, to a little over one caret diamond.
I just got my ring on Friday with the new diamond in it and I am feeling very embaressed.
Like I am bragging. I am walking around saying "look at me". I mean, I love it, I do. I am so impressed that Andrew saved money and bought this cash, no financing. I am very impressed by his kindness and love him for it. I wanted a new diamond but knowing I wouldn't get it. Now I have it and I am feeling funny.
It hurts me at bedtime, I keep scratching the kids and I feel like I am a gold digger. See when I wore my ring before it showed I married for love. Now I bet everyone at Starbucks says, "oh geeze look at that gold digger".

But then again, I thought my boobs were way too big when they took off the gauze 9 years ago, and now I can't imagine living my life with my little b's.
Oh c'mon you have to see the humor in that.........

Happy Valentines Day to you all!!!

Humm...

So if I post about what is really on my mind I will cry and that isn't cool. I am at work, after all.
I tried to write an update on Lily's site about my meeting with the school district and the fact Lily HAS to go to K next year has really upset me. So if you want to know what I am talking about go there... Lily's site.
As for here I will talk about ..... humm, ok.... ummmmm
oh ok, nope... still nothing.

Want to look at a picture of me and my friends Jr. year of HS and more recent? That will be fun... here you go. Discuss amongst yourself, I am a little flaclempt.


1995 right before a football game me, allison and marlene (where was jill?)



2004 allison's wedding (jill, me, allison, marlene)


BTW I was 12 weeks pregnant with Andi so that is why I am pouchy!

Anna Nicole

Am I crazy for feeling shocked and sad when I heard the news?
I never liked the crazy lady, but I really felt sorry for her.
She seemed to have started out sweet, innocent. A small town girl that got eaten up and spit out by hollywood. She was such a sad lost soul.
I feel so so so bad for this baby girl who was born under all this turmoil. I mean could you you born under any worse circumstances? So sad. I am pretty sure we will see her headlining Scores in 18 years. So sad to say, but unless someone pretty incredible takes charge of this sweet baby, she has a candy shop in her future.

The Dr. said I would do well on acutane but of course you can't while breastfeeding and I am still so on the fence of having any more babies. I have tried Proactive 2x and no good for me. I think that helps mild acne. Not the cyst kind that makes my whole face look red..... Acne is so stupid. It is such a small, unimportant thing but man can it ruin your week.

Update:

So I do have pretty severe acne, problem is I am still breast feeding and she won't give me any good zit killer stuff until we quit....
I am thinking more and more I will be flavoring my boobs with some lemon juice.....

Skin of a younger girl....

Yeah skin of a pimple faced 15 year old!
I am off to the dermatologist to ask why at 28, I still suffer from acne.
I will let him know it is *just* the week before my period. The week during my period and the week after. I do have one week of clearing up acne before it all starts again..... ugh, so annoying!!!!
I am too old for this crap!

American Idol....

So I just had to chime in about last night. First off, I think this audition thing is going on WAY too long. I just can't stomach them laughing at these poor people. I mean, laughing, while they are singing. What are they 10?
Anyway, last night there was a girl Jasmine I think and did you all see the sign her family made? I am pretty sure anyone past the age of 5 saw how funny it was:
"Jasmine's ARE American Idol". I was laughing at that. I had to rewind it and pause to make sure I read it correctly. Then the poor girl came out, and they start saying "What is Simon, France?" "No, Brittish", says Ryan. "Well he needs to go back to Brittish". I say after laughing... "that is so sad". So then here comes my husband, "Why is that sad? She should have stayed in school". And that is where the fight started. I went on about not everyone getting it as easy as us and he fights back his conservative polital views that are absolutley absurb. I mean this guy has no sympathy for any one and any situation. Just made me crazy.
I don't use this as a political soapbox considering I am a total flip flopper, I see all sides, but this is one area I do not flip flop. Who knows what kind of trials this poor woman had to go thru. I should have not even laughed at her stupid sign or her horrible grammar and now nothing is funny.
I am going to sit and pout and cross my arms.... sigh......

Details....who needs details?

Apparently you all! :)
The van is a Chevy Uplander. I actually really like it, but I have to pretend to not like it, you know to keep up my "cool" factor.
Danielle, that IS my coat. This is AZ!
I got the shirt at this great website called PalmerCash.com. They have the funniest shirts.
We actually got the van in December and those shirts were in our stockings from Santa. He is actually really up to date with the internet now. You know, it saves him a lot of time.
We are going to pimp it out for Lily, with a "sit and lift" and a wheelchair ramp. Eventually. I am not really a "go getter".

Oh and the D10 on E! said that commercial where the guy proposes will aire on Veronica Mars instead. Can you hear my eyes rolling????

WTF?

I watched pretty much the whole Superbowl for one reason.
I heard via radio AND TV that some dude was going to propose during a commercial.
I had to suffer thru all this football for what? Where the hell was it? Am I crazy, did I dream this scenaro?
I was either watching the game and commercials or at least in the area of the TV so I could hear some one shout out "it's on". Only for about 10 minutes was I away from any TV at all. That was when my sister challanged me to step on my parents scale that measures your weight, body fat and water weight. What a fun time that was. I was pretty flattered by how wrong the thing was. Can a person even have a period at 9% body weight? I know I am so svelt.
So anyway, I thought well surely if I had missed it, they would be talking about it on the news and nope. Not a word. Wtf?
Was this a dream? Am I the only person who listened to this guy on the radio promoting this whole thing???????
My uncle said they only did that to get us girls to watch it. Well, sure it worked but it won't next time. Oh no... not next time...

Mini Van ~ Mega Fun?

Here I am accepting the inevitable.....getting older!

Deep thoughts...

If you are neither dirt poor, nor filthy rich... what are you? Cleanly average?

Comment made me think...

It is funny (weird, not ha ha), I was reading my comments and Kelly's struck out. She mentioned she thought my header "regret" was towards Lily's surgery from 2 years ago and I thought... humm... OMG that was 2 years ago!

Now I can't say I have any regrets in how we have handled Lily. I have always done what I could do to improve her life. I am not saying looking back I would indeed do that surgery again but I don't regret it.

It almost made me feel superficial to have had those thoughts of regret regarding career when just two years ago I was sitting in the PICU with my 2 year old who had brain surgery. (Not saying you, Kelly, made me feel superficial, you just opened the flood gates.. :))

But I have to be honest, just saying that last sentence turns my stomach and makes me feel ill. I am pretty sure that is why I let that date Jan. 31st just pass with out a thought. Because the thoughts are too much to take, those memories are too hard to rehash. And maybe subconsciously I thought about had I gone a different direction with my career maybe that day would have never been lived. Maybe I am thinking too much into this, but it is odd that night I was haunted by Mr. Regret was the night I slept in the PICU 2 years previous.

There are things I don't like talking about, nor thinking about. I get very uncomfortable talking about my ex husband. I feel it was a failure in my life and something I quit. Same reason I hate talking about my quitting basketball my senior year after playing for 5 years. It shows that I am a quitter, someone who when the going gets tough, quits.

I think talking about the surgery is that same sense of shame. Maybe we jumped the gun a bit. Maybe we listened to the wrong people, maybe, maybe, maybe, but these aren't things I can change so I don't like to think about them. It may be immature or an unhealthy approach, but thinking about that day. That day, I sat in the waiting room with my family; waiting to hear how cutting my child’s brain open was going... well that day is a day that I would rather be killed by torture than relive.

Mr. Regret could never open that door. There is no one who could.

Regret....

So I was awoken very early Monday morning by Lily and after cuddling her back to sleep there I was awake. Very awake and the thoughts starting racing through. And who comes to visit? The big bully, Mr. Regret.
Mr. Regret only visits when I can't fight back. When I am down and tired. He is relentless and puts up a big fight.
We went back in time and I had to relive all those choices I made. Early Monday morning he wanted to show me how many mistakes I made in my career. He wanted to show me how dumb I was to have chosen my first boyfriend over New York City at 16. And he wanted to show me choosing boyfriend #2 over Milan. Oh and also about the not even boyfriend, but guy that called me from time to time, that I decided to not to to LA for. He told me over and over again what I could have been and what I am now.
Now I know everyone says look at what you have now, Kim. A great husband, two amazing kids, yes I know this. I tell myself this every day. But Mr. Regret doesn't come at a time that I am able to reason with him. He just puts me down and makes me see the error of my way. So much that I agree with him.
By the end of his visit I was certain to call up my old agent and see if I can't just get back on her wall and just do a little something from time to time. I was certain this was the right thing that I needed to do.
Then the sun came up and I thought to myself, what are you crazy? You already miss out on enough mommy time with both your jobs now. There is no way on God's green earth am I going to sacrifice more of that special time. Then I get out of bed and take Lily out of bed. I hug her and tell her I love her. I smell her hair and think to myself, no magazine cover could ever replace the smell of that hair. Then I peak in on Andi as I hear her in her crib singing "Happy Birthday to You" to no one in particular. I pick her up and hug her hard and think, no runway will ever spark a spot in my heart that I never knew existed, the spot that sometimes you think will explode if you don't take a moment to breathe.
So no Mr. Regret you didn't get me.
I could sit and mope and agree with you but I won't. Not today and not tomorrow.

Mysery optional...

So without my husband (who was snow boarding), my sister (she's at a wedding in Cabo), my nieces (in another row), mom (teaching sunday school), or my kids (in nursery and sunday school) I had no choice but to sit and listen to the pastor at church yesterday. I sat next to my dad, but he isn't a good gossiper so I kept my mouth shut and listened.
I was glad I listened. I was fairly entertained. The preaching wasn't bible verses thrown in my face, it was just common sense. How to live a good life. That is what I like about my church. Anyhow I got a couple quotes out of it that I really liked. I like quotes, by the way. Ok the pastor said "suffering is a given; mysery is optional". How true is that. We all have suffering and struggles, it is how we deal that makes who we are. I really liked this one: "Life is tough, it gives you the test first and then you learn the lesson". How true is that?! I really like that one. In school you learn and study then you are tested. In life you get that test, go off what you already know and then learn the lesson you should have known first before that test.
Life is tough, we are all tested. My "sufferings" are no bigger, just different. Who I am is how I deal.
Hey what do you know, maybe I should sit by myself all the time.

I did start getting fidgity and ADD and looked at my clock and sure enough it was 11:15am (15 minutes past my time limit, an hour). I said to my dad "I hit my time limit" and he said back to me (obviously not as excited as I was) "I hit mine 2 hours ago."

I love part deux

I love Diane Sawyer.
Did annyone see the special last night on 20/20? It was called "waiting for the world to change". It was awesome. She is awesome. She also did a great special on foster kids awhile back. She is so tender and kind. So really shows what else is going on in this world besides my going to work and home every day.
I was all alone in my bed crying. So sad for all the things I don't see every day. I hope people like her are going to inspire people like us to indeed "change the world".

I love...

I love: Starbucks

I hate: W2's

I am a good guesser!

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Nothing like 16 year old fresh meat...

So all I want to comment about AI today is sharing the conversation I had with Andrew last night.
If you saw him, you'd remember him. There was a 16 year old beautiful black boy who was the 1st to audition the 2nd day in NYC. He was absolutlely beautiful and sang well as an added bonus.
I said to Andrew "he's 16?" and Andrew said "yes", so then I said "we need to get that boy to mow our lawn". Andrew didn't like that.
Maybe I watch too much Desperate Housewives

C'mon Now

Sorry friends, I have been busy and without internet access at home. It seems ever since we had Andi everything electronic in our home has been broken. Or will be.

I found out Shopbop.com has a huge sale so my internet time here at work (shh) has been spent there. I decided I better update this little puppy while I have a few minutes, before the time cards invade my desk and take over my day. Plus those damn W2's I have to put with each check. Oh I love January.

So we expected to leave on Sunday from the snowy white mountains, but we couldn't. My husbands 4 wheel drive truck could not even take us home so we had to stay until Monday. We were snowed in! I wasn't too happy. You should have heard me calling and canceling all Lily's appointments. I sounded like an assistant to a star. "I am sorry I have to cancel tomorrow's appointment", over and over again. Seriously that kid has 4 therapies on Monday's. I was getting serious cabin fever. I took the kids out for a bit but getting them all dressed up for 10 minutes of playing is a bit ridiculous.

As irony would have it, Tuesday Lily had a "snow day" at school. Yes for those of you who live in snow may not understand this, but her school pays some one to bring in snow. Kind of like a big snow cone. I wanted to bring some real snow back, but my husband had to wash his truck. He couldn't stand it all muddy and icy, so we lost all the snow. What a metro. Anyway, the day at the school was much more fun than the real snow, I hate cold. Lily sat in a tumble form chair and sleded down the little icy hill. She loved it! It was so cute. Andi had fun as well.

I dropped lunch off for my poor bed ridden friend yesterday. It was nice visiting her with out Andi. We actually got to talk. She is in good spirits. She is always in good spirits. I wish you all knew what a great person she is. Makes you so mad that something like this has to happen to her. Makes me also think though about when Lily was tiny and in the hospital. I bet every one was praying hard that she would be ok, "normal". I think I feel for her like she and everyone was feeling for me. Helpless. That feeling sucks. Now I am not praying for Lily to be "normal", but it took years for me to stop praying that prayer. I know she has a long road ahead of her.

I got some good news yesterday! I got a Permission Release Agreement from Chicken Noodle Soup for the Special Needs Soul. I sent in a submission months ago and kind of forgot about it. Now this doesn't mean I will be in the final book, but it means I could be. I can't believe I passed several other subliminary edits. I am still preparing to not be included, but greatly honored to have come this far. I will let you all know if I go further. I would even get $200 if it got published, but just seeing my name in print would be worth it. Not my face, not my body, but my name. That would be a great moment.

I wanted to add a couple cute Andi stories real quick. Before we headed to the snow, I had to get Andi a coat. I wasn't going to pay $100 but a coat for one weekend so I found a $40 one and I had her try it on. She put it on and said "thank you mommy!" and wouldn't take the thing off the whole weekend, it was so cute.
Then we were home Monday night and Lily was in her rocker and Andi was naked as usual and she started walking around like a monkey. You know with her arms on the ground as well as straight legs, not crawling... monkey walking. I said to Andrew "and she's our "normal" one". Then out of nowhere Lily started laughing. It was hilarious.

Oh and one last note to this already way too long blog:
I don't know if it is in national news yet, but a 29 year old registered sex offender enrolled in a middle school here in AZ. Andrew and I were discussing this last night, I am not going to talk about my opinions on this, just where our conversation went.

Me: "I want to not go to work and just go to High School tomorrow, I could pass for an 18 year old".... pause "it was only 10 years ago"
Andrew: "Honey, no. You are almost 30"
Me: "So I couldn't psas for 18?"
Andrew: "No"
*Ouch!*

BRRRRRR

You cold weather folks are a bit odd!
We drove thru a freaking blizzard to get here and it is about 10 degrees right now. I will admit it is beautiful, but getting me out of this warm house may be a bit of a challange. Although there is this amazing massage therapist up here that I want to visit.... but I won't drive nor will I walk there. I will try to wrangle a ride from someone.
Andi once again reminded us why it has been 6 months since our last trip here. That kid seriously sucks traveling.... and sharing a room with both girls, well sucks too. Lily wakes a lot during the night and every time she woke, she woke up Andi, who woke me up.. sigh... it is beautiful here though. Almost inspiring, I want to write a book... but I can't. Gotta change a poopy butt.
Andi is so obsessed with my dad (papa) that she did not sleep until 11pm last night! She wanted to constantly go up and down the stairs, she'd lay with me then say "Papa" and run down stairs, sit with him, then back up to me. Finally I yelled and told her she is going to sleep now, she will see Papa in the morning. She woke up at 6:45am and what did she say? "Papa?"
My mom just said "Grandma cleans up and you just make messes" I think everyone is enjoying Andi, I'm sure.

My friend (bed rest one, you'll learn I have very few) went to the Dr. yesterday and he said still no change. They were very discouraging and said the baby will most likely die in the womb or can make it full term but die after delivery. She is doing her best to remain positive and is still praying for a miracle. I am too. She is so undeserving of this.

Well, off to that poopy butt. Maybe we will get out and play in the snow. That would make me a bad mom if I didn't, right?

Ugly Cry....

So my family and I like to joke about something called "the ugly cry". That is the sobbing, snot dripping, hard breathing cry that leaves you well... ugly.
Well thanks to freaking Grey's Anatomy to leave me ugly crying last night. Man, I think that show takes every pent up emotion I have and just pokes a hole in it and lets it all pours out. Man, I just love George and my heart was broken for him last night. That was rough. Oh Mr. O'Maley.

Oh and I did want to comment on AI from Wed. night. I was right, they were making fun of people that didn't deserve it. I can't believe Simon made fun of that kid that obviously appeared to have some sort of genetic disorder (with the large eyes, I am assuming he meant Lemur).
They didn't make fun of the heavy mentally handicapped kid, but the show sure did. I am not overly sensitive. I laugh at the idots who want to be laughed out, but c'mon. You can't make fun of something someone cannot control.
You will never hear me call someone ugly, fat, or "retarded" because ugly is uncontrollable and fat is something I have never had to deal with so I cannot judge that. And retarded will never be funny.
If you are a goofy bastard however that knows better, then my friend you are fair game.

Life can be fair....

So I apparently must have some sort of guilty conscious for my loving on Jake the other night in my dream. I guess I am such a good, honest, faithful wife that my subscious has to take over and make life fair again. So I am dreaming that I am hanging with Drew Barrymore, I was telling her how cute I think she is and so on and we are becoming friends. Then I lay down (in my dream) and Drew tells someone she really likes my husband and I hear this and tell her "try to seduce him, he won't cheat" so she gets naked and jumps on him and I watch and see him get it on with her! What?! I jump up and scream and yell, I tell him he will never see me or the girls again. And he wasn't even sorry! Then I woke up, woke him up to tell him he is a jerk.

I really liked my dream the night before much better. Screw fair, life isn't fair!

Jake Gyllenhaal

Ok if my #1 man on my freebie list, Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal http://www.jakegyllenhaal.com/, visits one more dream I just may have to stalk him and hound him down. Man, I am blushing just thinking about that dream.... I don't care if that guy does 3 more Brokeback's, he is my man! Ahhh.....

Ok back to reality.

Friend still on bedrest and will be for a long time. I am bringing dinner to her and her hubby tonight.

The services for our little lost friend will be this Saturday, but we have already planned to head up north. It really is the only weekend that will work for us, so unfortuantly I will have to miss the service. I am sending flowers, but like that is any consolation. I know that services are for the family and not the people visiting, but those are really hard to stomach. I have been to two services for kids under 12 in 3 years. This would have made 3. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Just plain wrong. Makes me just so sad.

I have to get to see Grandpa, I will do my best to go tomorrow. He is still in the hospital. Grumpy and apparently talking a lot a bit crazy.

My favorite guilty pleasure is back on! American Idol! Woo hoo. I was a little disappointed in the promos for tonights show. It appeared that they are making fun of special needs kids. I am pretty sure those kids on the promo have special needs and I don't think they should be made a laughing stock of. But I will watch and see for sure if my assumptions are correct.

And my last word: Jake Gyllenhaal is a gorgeous, fine piece of art.

Random Thoughts.....

Please cut your human resource dept. some slack regarding your W2. Some companies have them ran from a payroll company, that haven't sent them yet. It isn't like they are just sitting on our desk while we pick our noses. They WILL come, remember by law we have until Jan. 31st, 2007.

I was wondering if you get a dog from another family and she is 4 when you get her, her habits are not your fault, right? Even if she has been with your family for 5 years? Our dog, Haley, that Andi calls La La never ceases to leave Andrew and myself dry heaving. That dog is plain old nasty. I won't even tell you what she ate the other day that left me running for the toilet. Then today Andrew was running around the house blaagh, blaagh... Nasty dog.

I will always crave to sit at a table at those Golden Globes. Man, I am so sad that I can't sit there all dressed up, eating and drinking. I'd settle for waiting those tables. I so want that golden ticket!

And I have to ask why. Why God, why? You know I have had a lot of issues with God. I have been raised praying to him and felt a bit abandoned by him when things went sour with my Lily. I have been working on rebuilding a relationship, a different kind, nonetheless but a new one. I want to live a good life and I think God is something I should have in mine. BUT I can't help but want to bitch slap him sometimes. Sorry, but I found out yesterday that a class mate of Lily's passed away this past weekend. Died in bed. A sweet, innocent soul that left this earth far too early. Was it not enough for him to suffer in his body that would not work with his mind, but to take him from his family? A family who cared for him and loved him just as he was? I understand he is now free and can move like he always wanted to, but the hurt his family must feel is something parent's shouldn't feel. I just don't understand, why. He was so sweet. He had a beautiful smile and my heart aches for his family and teachers who won't see his smiles anymore.

And one more thing about God. A very good friend of mine miscarried awhile back after years of trying to conceive. Now she is 21 weeks pregnant and up until now all has been well.... BUT after an ultra sound she found out there is no amniotic fluid. The baby is perfectly healthy but without the fluid the baby cannot grow and will not survive. She is on complete restrictive bed rest, hoping she/the baby will regenerate the fluid the baby needs to survive. My friend is a woman of God, so strong in faith, and to see her have such struggles is heart breaking. I am praying for her and I hope those of you with faith would do the same thing.

AND another thing. My grandpa is out of the nursing home and back in the hospital with pneumonia. He has some fluid around his heart as well. He is really struggling at getting better and the first nursing home he was in did nothing for him. It is no wonder they are constantly sued. They moved him to a better one and after 2 days there they sent him to the ER. He will be hospitalized for a few more days, if all goes well. Then back to the nursing home. Sigh.... my mom and aunt is there ALL the time. They are such good daughters. His sons (my uncles) are there when they can but it is the daughters to whom he relies on. I hope I can get the same care from my kids one day that my Grandpa does. Who knows what would have happened to him at the nursing home without his kids.

This is a lot to say. Obviously.

2 am Movie Watching

So after a few distractions in the middle of the night I was up at 2am and could not go back to sleep. I did what I always do when I can't sleep, think. I hate thinking in the middle of the night. It isn't like thinking about writing thank you notes will help me remember to do so the next day... sigh.
Anyway, I turn on the TV and see Memoirs of a Geisha is on. I loved the book and rented the movie back when it came out, but I had to watch it with my kids in the afternoon. I am sure you moms know what I am saying. I really never saw the move.
I am not sure if it was me trying to not think, or the new Direct TV in HD or what, but is that the most beautiful movie in the history of movies? I mean, the actors, the colors, the locations, the clothing..... ahhhh I couldn't go back to sleep b/c I was mesmerized by the amazing beauty of that movie...
Ok maybe I am crazy, maybe I am just tired. Weird blog.

No Mvies on Saturday Night!

OK, I got to see a movie with my good friend, Allison, on Saturday night.
Well I guess it has been awhile since I went to a movie on a weekend night and let me tell you, it will be the last!
I have never seen so much disrespectful people in my life. Scratch people, teenagers. They do not qualify as people. Not the ones at Chandler Fashion Center Harkins Movie Theater on Saturday (Jan. 6th, 2007) night.
We go to see Dreamgirls. I am pretty sure most people know, or at least should know, the movie is a MUSICAL, that means a lot of singing. Understand that children? I mean I am sounding like a crotchety old woman, but I had to move from my seat, away from these talking, laughing, cell phone talking, and text messaging, poor excuse for human beings. I was so irritated by the kid’s right next to me as well as the whole theater of kids that thought it was funny every time the actors broke into song. Ok if you know me, you know I LOVE musicals. I wish life was a musical. That is what makes a musical, music. So if Jennifer Hudson decides to sing instead of talk, don't freaking laugh. That girl could sing the rest of her life and never speak and I would worship the ground she walked on.
And yes, I do remember being a teen, but I also know I didn't bother people in the theater. I was raised better than that. Plus we didn't have cell phones and texting is just as bad as talking, to have that bright blue screen, ugh.
Oh and another thing, I get to see about 4 movies a year, because I have children. People please have the same respect. Don't bring an older infant into a movie at 8pm. Please. Please. I love kids, but seriously there is a place and time.
So I paid $9.50 to listen to teens talk and laugh, to change seats, and listen to a crying baby. I still have to say I LOVED that movie and I would love to see it again, just alone. Or during the matinee with the other old folks that go to the movies, TO SEE A MOVIE.

Bummer

Well Grandpa is not doing so well. He is having a very hard time recovering and he has to go to a nursing home instead of my aunts house like was planned. What makes me the most sad is he is too tired to fight about it. He just says, ok then. That is so not Grandpa :(

Andi tried to kill Lily last night. I was folding laundry on the couch and Andi stole some M&M's from her dad and was on the floor eating them by Lily. Next thing I hear Lily coughing and choking and I asked Andi if she gave Lily an M&M and she nodded yes. Well after some smacks on the back and something to drink Lily was ok, but I was pretty freaked out. I tried to calmly tell Andi that it was nice of her to think of sharing with Lily, but Lily can't eat that sort of stuff.
That was a scary one. Probably number 2 to Andi jumping in the pool while I was holding Lily.

No No No!

So I had to comment on my comment!
No No No, I am not comptemplating on having another kid.
I was just comptemplating life after my friend who is going thru so much says she doesn't know how I do it. I was just thinking, is what I do really hard? I guess when I write that I am contemplating I meant that I was in deep thought.
I put aside my thoughts on Britany and Justin and Cam and put thought into "real" stuff.
If we have another kid, we do. We certainly are not in the process of trying for sure. I do know that there is a 50% chance of having another girl ;)

Contemplating...

Uh oh you say when you see the title post contemplating. What is she thinking about now? Well I will tell you.
I have recently rekindled and new friendship with an old friend from high school and we have been getting along just wonderfully. Last night we talked on the phone for almost an hour. I can't remember the last time I did that with anyone. Now we were good friends in High School, but it wasn't like we were attached to the hip, we just always got along. But we all know that doesn't make a real relationship ten years later. We actually now have something more in common than being a Westwood Warrior, brain injury. About 20 months ago her husband was in a horrible car accident leaving him severly brain injured. If there is any bright side, it was on the job so workers comp has taken care of everything. I guess that is one of the few if only blessings on this family.
Her husband spent 6 months in the hospital and then months in a rehab facility. Now at home he requires 24 hour nursing and spends most his days at therapies. This accident happened when their only child was 4 months old. Now she has to take care of her two year old son and her husband who is relearning life all over again. We got together for dinner the other night and I have to say she is my honest to God, hero. She is tough on him, teaching him how to live yet is always reinforcing her love for him with a kiss or just a "I love you." Nothing is lacking in her skills as a mother, wife and full time teacher. She does it all flawlessly and it almost brought tears to my eyes. I knew I just had to go along and act like I wasn't overwhelmed with her finess, but I truely was.
On the phone last night she said she didn't know how I did it and I laughed out loud. I was like, are you kidding? I mean yes things are hard with Lily but in no way are the two in the same category. Lily was born an infant and she pretty much still is. I never got to see her run and then have it taken away. I have never had a two sided conversation with her and then see them end. Lily is just like she has always been. I won't lie and say I don't miss what "should" have been but in all honesty I don't know what she "should" have been. She should be who she is now. I guess as time goes on I understand it more and more and don't see myself as a pity case. I am not a matyr, I just think life with Lily really isn't bad at all. It is actually pretty nice.
I get to see what a typical child is all about with Andi and sometimes I am not so impressed. I had the roughest morning with Andi that resulted in a loss of temper on my part and yelling at her. I like to think I have a huge amount of patience and when I am tested to its max, I am disappointed in myself for loosing it. I know there were times that I wished I had to deal with meltdowns with Lily but now experiencing them I realize I was much better off with out them.
Not that I was better off with out Andi, not at all, but I just thought when I had my "typical" child I would be more patient and more appreciate of everything "typical" she did but those things are so much easier said than done.
I guess I was just thinking about how I am pretty darn content with my life. Some days I really wish for a son but then days like this one I am happy with the way things are. Well minus the holding down the screaming child to dress her, and yelling "no freaking hit" when she hits me in the face while putting her in her car seat. Sigh......

Grandpa is Good!

So my sister and I made it to the hospital just in time before Grandpa was rolled into the OR. He was in good spirits and even had enough time to make fun of my outfit before he was gone.
I sat with all my aunts and uncles and one other cousin and we all had lunch. We all played Millionaire on my cell and laughed and had a great time. I am so fortunate to have such an amazing family on both sides. I had a great time with my dads side of the family on New Years Eve and yesterday with my moms side.
I had to leave before he came out but after a 5 hour surgery they said his heart is beating strong and healthy! They will work on getting him off the vent and then work on him getting up and around.
He is doing well and I am so happy. I was not ready to loose my last living grandparent.
Yeah Grandpa is well! :)

Happy 2007!

Can you believe it is 2007? 7 whole years since the whole Y2K fiasco? 6 whole years since I met Andrew. Actually that was the last New Year's Eve I actually celebrated.
We had a fun weekend but these long weekends hurt my boobs. What did she just say? Yes my boobs, long weekends hurt my boobs b/c Andi sees me home and I am fair play. I have to admit it is getting really old and I really want to start weaning her but I haven't got a clue as to how. See it isn't bad when we are on a schedule with day care. She nurses in the morning, after day care and before bedtime but during the weekends anytime I sit my butt down she attacks. I tell her no and she melts down. I seriously can't sit and relax unless I want to pull up my top.
I know there are many people, even in our family that thinks breast feeding is "weird" especially a toddler and I couldn't give to craps about that, actually that is what has kept me nursing so long... you know that competative spirit can be good for something, but letting the kid use me as a pacifier has really made me think it will never end. I really don't want to go longer than 2 years, I think it is time to reclaim my body but I have no clue how. I have a feeling I will never toughen up and continue this behavior forever. Sigh.... I guess one good thing is I am pretty sure it is why I am able to eat what I want and not gain weight.
Well that is not what I planned on posting about but what can you do, I must have felt the need to vent.
We had Andrew's brother and wife come visit, they stayed in a hotel but close by. I think that way they got to enjoy themself as a couple and spend time with us. We had a good time. We went to The Melting Pot (2x in one month for me!) and had a wonderful time. We just sat and talked and laughed. That was my favorite part of the weekend. I think Andrew's and theirs was the Fiesta Bowl. But the night we had a sitter was my favorite!

And pretty please with sugar on top keep my Grandpa Jesse in your thoughts and prayers. He is going in for double bypass surgery at noon today (1/2). The surgery is high risk but so is not having it. Please pray he makes it thru and is back to his onery self again and soon.

Happy New Year!

Well my Grandpa is still at the AZ Heart Hospital and he is scheduled for major surgery on Tues. I guess only 15% of his heart is functioning. They said smoking really damages your heart. He has phenomena right now so once that clears a bit they will operate. That is as long as he can stay put. He thinks he is in the hospital so they can make money. He is a rather stubborn old guy. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers please.

All in all 2006 has been a pretty good year to us. No major problems, Lily has stayed out of the hospital and Andi is just growing and learning.
Andrew and I have a stronger marriage and am actually a "happily married couple".
We only hope 2007 continues our good luck streak!

Happy New Year to you all!

Happy Holidays!

Wow, Christmas has come and gone and I am still spinning saying "what happened?"
A few highlights from a busy weekend:

Friday night we had my family birthday dinner and I got to choose my place. Well I chose Drinkwaters City Hall. I put out no stops when I am not forking the bill. *wink* Here are a few memories of the night. My dad asked the valet if he could leave the baby in the car. Valet said that doesn't go over very well. You have to be from AZ to understand that. Long story short just across the street at Neiman’s a woman asked the valet to watch her kid while she shopped, the kid was a sleeping 2 year old. She got to spend the night in a comfy jail cell.

David Spade sat two tables over from us.

My dad said we broke a record for as far as the dinner bill went. See I hold no stops. :) We all laughed and had a great time. I think David Spade was jealous of our loud, fun table, probably not though.

Saturday I had to work at the store from 10am - 2pm, but it was with my sister and niece and I always have fun with them. Andi was not too pleased to see Miss Maria (our sitter) Friday night and on Saturday but she got over it.
Saturday night we had a party at my mom's place with both sides of my parents families, there was about 60-70 people in their house. It was over crowded and a bit too much family time for my taste but my mom wanted to have one big party and then have an "intimate" family Christmas of 18.....
Well the party was fun, overwhelming and I spent most my time making sure Andi wasn't ruining anything in my mom's house. I heard commotion about my Grandpa needing a breathing treatment but the guy smokes. I didn't take too much interest in it. We left and then it was Sunday, Christmas Eve.

I got to spend Christmas Eve service in the nursery at church. That was a blast. Of all the services at church Christmas Eve is my favorite but to be fair I am the only one with two kids in there. I have to pay my dues.
After church my family (Andrew, the girls and me) took my nieces Ariel and Skylar out for lunch which was fun and then we went home for naps. My mom offered to watch the girls while we see a movie. We jumped on that offer and we saw "The Pursuit of Happyness" it was awesome! I cried all the way through it. Will Smith is such a great actor and he didn't have to kill aliens to get the world to see his movie. I really loved the story. It was great! Then we hung out with my parents a little more and headed home.

Christmas morning was fun! Andi opened her gifts and wanted to play with them. I think we could have gotten away with a lot less but what can you do? I like to spoil my kids. Lily helped open some gifts and I think she will like her VSmile once I hook it to the TV. We went to my parents afterwards and hung out there with my sister and her family and my aunt and her family until 8pm. It was fun and exhausting. We tried playing Family Feud on DVD, but since it was turning into a family feud we stopped. It sucks on the DVD.

So I spent yesterday with the girls trying to catch up on house work and we took Andrew's truck in for installation of his Christmas gift that he was ecstatic about. I got spoiled as well, my husband he is very good at the over the top romantic gestures, but I won't brag. He loves me.

Unfortunately my Grandpa had a lot worse problems than needing an inhaler. They think he had a heart attack that night, (that tells you how crazy it was in there for me to not know and says how tough he is) and he went to the hospital in Cottonwood where he lives and they air evac (sp?) him to Phoenix Heart Hospital and is in ICU. According to him, nothing is wrong but that is not what the Dr.'s say. We will find out more today, they are doing all his tests right now. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers please. He is the last grandparent I have and he is only in his mid 70's.

So all in all we had a pretty good holiday. Very busy and I am looking forward to a milder New Years. Andrew's brother Jeremy will be here with his wife Andrea. We all get along really well so I am thinking this is a great way to start 2007!

Cheers

Quick one

So yesterday we went to the mall for some last minute gifts. Andi is into everything so while I was rang up at The Body Shop, Andrew took Andi out for a bit.
As I was just finishing up the sale Andrew and Andi walk back in and Andrew says, "show mommy, I taught you how to french kiss" I look at the sales lady, smile and raise my eye brow and jet out of there.
As we walk the mall I said "what do you mean you taught her how to french kiss?!" and he says watch and Andi kisses both cheeks, like the french do.
I said "you do know that french kiss is with your tongue right?" and he said "I forgot."

Christmas Present, Past and Future

I don't know how much I will be on before Christmas so I wanted to make a Christmas post:

Christmas Present:

My play went flawless! I couldn't have asked a better performance from myself or cast mates. Friday was great, Saturday was excellent and Sunday was great! It was a blast and I will miss my cast mates.

My Birthday was wonderful! I got spoiled once again by my husband and mom. Andrew got me two pairs of chanel earrings. I really wanted one pair and he added another for good measure. And my favorite surprise was a cat! He is a long haired siamese that looks like Jinxy Cat from Meet the Parents. He was already named Kean (I don't like that name and want to call him Jax but Andrew says I can't. He says it is like changing Andi's name all of a sudden. Yeah just like that, Andrew) He is cuddly and awesome. I got teary eyed when I saw him b/c I have been asking forever and Andrew always said no! The girls love him as well and Andi calls him Meow. My mom got me a Fendi watch. Yeah spoiled. Oh and last night we had a lovely evening at The Melting Pot (my favorite!) while my mom watched the girls.

This law suite is making a scrooge out of my dad and his partner (business, that is) and it is stressing my payroll assistant and me out. It is doubling our work and we have one day to enter 400 employees payroll. We don't have time to double our work.

Good note, I am all caught up with my shopping and I get to enjoy my 5 days of Christmas!

Christmas Past:

I have two favorite quotes from Christmas past that I want to share:

One is from my husband 2 Christmas' ago. My mom (well I mean my parents) gave us several board games to have at home, good games and I love games. Well Andrew opens those gifts up and says "next year are you getting us the friends to go with them?"

Last year my dad (aka scrooge) said during Christmas Eve dinner "well Christmas is over tomorrow".
I don't even think I need to explain that one. Do I? What do most people say on Christmas Eve? Tomorrow IS Christmas. Ba hum bug!

Christmas Future:

Alright, we all get those Christmas letters. I love them. Well most of them. I love getting pictures and letters in the mail. But we all come across those letters that make you think their child is the 2nd coming of Christ and just because of reading one of those that didn't even come to my house made me think of our letter next year. Pardon my french but no other word would really fit.

Dearest Friends and Family,

Same Shit, different Year.

All our love.

Sending Holiday Cheer

Ok so I know you all think I am just saying this b/c I am co owner of a small retail business but seriously I hate the mall! Seriously!
Since the mall is open at 9am right now since tis the season, I got to shop from 9am to 10:15am kidless, because Lily is in OT and ST and Andi went to daycare, at the mall in Mesa called Fiesta Mall. It is nothing too impressive and not where I go when I choose my location but I was there, it was there I knew I could knock several gifts. Well I had never been so annoyed and frustrated in just one hour, ever! This does not happen when I go to Chandler Fashion Center but man at the mall "the white people used to go to" sure has a lot of annoying kiosiks!
I wasn't in the mall 1 minute before some guy yells to me to come over, I ignore and keep on walking. Then I buy a gift at Bath and Body Works and the cashier has to tell me about the lip gloss for $5 and the robe I can get for $20 with a $25 purchase. "No thanks."
So as I walk out of there I have another lady come over to me and ask if she can "show me something" I say "no".
I head on my mission, I only have an hour. I get a few more gifts with out a hassle and pass yet another person who wants to "show me something for your hair?" and I finally growl, "I am in a hurry!" then I say rather loudly, "maaan!" I was so annoyed.
Reading that back doesn't sound as bad but you have to admit over selling is just wrong. If I order a medium it is to save on calories, not money. If I bring my items to the register, I am finished shopping. Please people, just take it as it is.
Happy Holidays!
My last posting as a young hip mom of 27........

Got Nerves?

I am a bit nervous. Dress rehearsal didn't go as well as we had hoped and tonight is our first performance. We have Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday morning to do. I have the nerves flowing. My part is the biggest I have ever had and although I've got my lines down, last night with a small audience I got thrown off a few times. I am ok with my lines getting laughed at, I think I am not ok with them not being laughed at. But seriously the coughs and murmurs really threw me off. The sound tech made a mistake and played music during my scene and I totally got thrown off.
I need some prayers and positive thoughts thrown my way, I really want this to go well!I will let you all know how it went!

Did I really just do that???

My little Andi is ELMO obsessed, like seriously, we have to watch Elmo's World in the car everywhere we go and she screams her head off when Mr. Noodle comes on the screen and I have to fast forward to Elmo again. This new T.M.X. Elmo is the gift I would love to get for the girls this year b/c of Andi's obsession and b/c he can be hooked up to a switch and all Lily has to do is hit the switch and he will do whatever it is that he does. So I started my search since Walmart is selling 4,000 of them at noon (est) every day til Friday the 15th so I tried yesterday and today but for some reason I am just not clever enough to pull it off so I said fine I am going to Ebay and paid $66 for one. Not too bad for Ebay but the seller charged $16 for s&h! $16! I am an ebayer, I know how much it is to ship things, and I am pretty sure there won't be a rush on this delivery. Oh well, I am sure Andi will play with it for about 10 minutes and I can really hook any toy up for Lily therefore proving that I am a sucker.

I need to vent once again

So I once again feel the need to vent!
Ok so you all know I am in this Christmas play for church and my time has been devoted to this. I really enjoy this and feel I am not too bad at it either. This is a huge commitment that I made to the cast and a commitment my husband made to me to watch the girls. Everything has been going well except for a few sighs and whines from Andrew, it has been working out well for all of us. Dun Dun Dun, until this week. So this Thursday is final dress rehearsal. The biggest, most important practice of all the practices, missing dress rehearsal is like missing the actual performance. So Andrew says, "my company's Christmas party is next Thursday" (said last week) "WHAT?!” I said "are you kidding me?!" This isn't Andrew's fault really, he has a company with a business partner and his partner never planned this with Andrew, he just told him the date but what I am mad at Andrew for is that he never stood up to him. He should have said "I am sorry but that won't work", but he just said "well thanks for telling me" but I don't think the passive aggressive approach is working. It wouldn't be a big deal except for our store has their invite only special Christmas sale that night which means my mom or sister cannot watch the girls. I have to ask my niece but I know that she should be helping at the store as well. It just really frustrates me, I own a company with my mom and sister and we never make decisions without each other. That is how a partnership works. I am so annoyed.

A funny side note. One of our employees is this Mexican guy with a very heavy accent and just adorable, I mean the guy looks like he walked off a Abercrombie and Fitch bag. I have for years thought he was cute and named him Cute Victor. Like when someone says "did you get Victor's timecard?" I say "which Victor? Victor or Cute Victor?" Well he knows I named him that and every time he comes into the office he says a quick hi to me and walks away real fast, I think he is scared of me. I am not going to seduce him; I just think he is nice to look at. I just think it is funny b/c most of my life I am hit on unwantedly and this guy is afraid of me. Funny.

My rant for today

So I need to vent about something really annoying that is happening here at work but it is happening all over.
I understand people feeling the need to be aggressive for money. I am not like that but I understand the mind set. I know that there will always be sales people and inventors and people always trying to get my money but this is what I cannot stand...
Lawyers seeking to represent people, not the other way around. I think the term is ambulance chaser. I do not have any thing against lawyers, one of my favorite people on this planet is one and I respect her totally but I know she doesn't walk onto a crime scene and ask the murderer if he needs a lawyer.
My dad is co-owner of a large paint company in AZ. We have close to 400 employees and I do payroll for the company.
Being in AZ and especially in construction we have about 80% or more Hispanics work for us but these guys get paid and well. Not only do they get paid well for their hard work, our company is one of the few that offers the best health insurance and a 401k plan. I am not sure if any of you are familiar with construction but to offer those benefits are huge! So I am just saying that in no way does our company use our employees or take advantage of them like they are working in a sweat shop. But that didn't stop some California law firm to walk on our job site, ask these guys how they are being paid (piece work) and they say you can sue b/c they should be getting paid time and a half. Piece work (paid by job, not hourly) is not illegal but these lawyers made our guys think they are being shorted. It isn't our guys fault, they hardly speak English, they don't know what to believe, and they think every company offers health insurance and a 401k plan. Boy will they be surprised when they go and work for someone else. Anyway I was going thru records and the funny thing is at piece work the main guy in the law suite got paid more than he would have at hourly with overtime so now we can say he owes us. In the long run nothing will happen but I will have a lot of extra work to do and in the end only the lawyers will get paid, which I suppose is what they want.
Just like the two black guys that got pulled over here in AZ a few weeks ago (it was national news) the cop asked them to rap to get out of the ticket. Now of course lawyers are all over these guys saying they have a case. So stupid.

Mary did you know.....

I know it has been awhile since my last blog so I will once say it again, I suck at blogging.
I don't know if it is the impending arrival of AF, or all the Christmas music or what it is but I seem to be crying at the drop of a hat these days. Every morning on not my favorite radio station they answer Christmas wishes and I spend the morning bawling as I drive to work, then I say "stupid" every time I wipe a tear.

Last night while driving home from a very lovely "mom's night out" with the mom's from Lily's school who all have a special needs child, and I was listening to Delilah, and of course I started to cry. I was thinking about, not even listening to "Mary did you know".

Now let me back up and tell you all how much I adore Christmas. Always have, always will. I have always felt extra special b/c my birthday is less than a week away from Christmas and I have felt that this is *my* holiday. I love buying gifts, I love finding the perfect gift and watching the person you searched for open it and actually smile. I love receiving gifts as well, I love Christmas music, I love the cool weather (note NOT cold weather, I love an AZ Christmas). I love the lights, I still remember every Christmas Eve we would drive home from my aunt’s house and my dad would take the long route home stopping to look at lights. This was way before the waving Santa’s and head moving reindeers. I still take a detour at night just to see the lights.

I have always been this way but I am just giving some background so you understand my love for all things Christmas but this was before Lily. The first Christmas with Lily was in 2002. Lily was 4 months old, she had been in and out of the hospital her short life, I had just lost my Grandma, and she was still having out of control seizures. We had no idea what to do or expect for her future. We were scared and unsure. I am not saying her changed my disposition on Christmas, I still decorated the house, had a big tree and loved sitting with her and watch her look at the lights, it was the only thing I would see her actually look at. But one night I was holding her and the song "Mary did you know" came on and although I have always loved that song, I never really listened to that song like I did that night. I heard the words and I just started bawling. I felt exactly what they were saying. The song is so powerful if you give it your attention. "Mary did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?" "The child that you delivered will soon deliver you" I mean, WOW, powerful words. I sat there and held Lily, the child that I was so unsure of, the child I had no idea of her future and I thought "Kim, do you know what a blessing you have in your arms?"

Mary had no idea what would happen when she got pregnant, she had no idea what to expect from this child, she didn't know the hurt she will face 30 years down the road. She just knew she loved her child and she would hold him, love him and raise him to the best of her abilities. She had no idea those tiny fingers and toes would heal the sick and fix the broken.
I had no idea that Lily's tiny fingers and toes would touch people all across the world. I just knew that no matter what happens I had to hold her, lover her and raise her to the best of my abilities.


**Mary did you know, that your baby boy would one day walk on water? Mary did you know, that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?

Did you know, that your baby boy has come to make you new? This Child that you delivered, will soon deliver you!

Mary did you know, that your baby boy will give sight to the blind man? Mary did you know, that your baby boy would calm a storm with His hand?

Did you know, that your baby boy has walked where angels trod and when you kiss your little baby, you've kissed the face of God? Oh, Mary did you know?
Mary did you know?

The blind will see, the deaf will hear, The dead will live again, The lame will leap, the dumb will speak praises of the Lamb?

Mary did you know, that your baby boy is Lord of all creation? Mary did you know, that your baby boy will one day rule the nations?

Did you know, that your baby boy was Heaven's perfect Lamb? And this sleeping Child you're holding is the Great I AM**