Nice to meet you...

Having a special needs child makes even the most mundane conversations a little bit more complicated.
I go out and about with Andi Jane and Oliver a lot. We really don’t do well stuck at home all day long. So while we are out and about I run into other moms and I am a talker. I tend to chat it up with a new mom every time I step out of the house. I enjoy meeting other people and feel like I am making up for all those years of being a bit nerdy and stuck in a friend rut with the same friends forever (whom all I still love J).
But it is never uncomplicated. I will start talking about their kids and they’ll ask about mine. They ask if they are my only two and then things get complicated. I can either be very evasive which I tend to do, but for some reasons the questions never stop at just how old is your oldest. Then they have to ask how helpful she is with her younger siblings. Or about how I like 2nd grade homework. Or my child goes to that school, who’s your daughter’s teacher? I don’t like to play poor me and tell strangers all about Lily. Honestly I kind of like it when the conversation stops at telling them her age and name. In their mind I have a 2nd grader named Lily whom they assume plays sports and brings home homework. I shouldn’t even have to explain that I am not ashamed of Lily. Not one bit. But sometimes pretending to be “normal” is so much easier. Whenever I have to say, well she’s in special ed. She’s special needs. She’s in a wheelchair. Then the conversation makes a u turn. I get pity sometimes. Sometimes I get unnecessary kudos. The mom starts to feel like we are on different playing fields and we aren’t. The mom isn’t doing anything wrong, it is just a reaction that happens and it changes me in their eyes.
I appear to become super mom and I am so far from it.
Mothering Lily is so easy. I love her so I do what I need to do. Any other mom would do the same. Hell a lot of them would do it a whole lot better than me.
Sometimes I wonder what kind of mom would I have been if Lily were a sport playing, home work doing 2nd grader, but really I don’t think I would be that different. Maybe I am kidding myself. Maybe I am not. It’s something I will never know. I know Lily made me grow up quickly and that is something that may have not had happened, but I think my genuine character is still here, always has been. I think I have become an updated version of me. Like a Kim 5.0.
This new version likes making new friends and meeting new people. So I guess even if it does cause conversations to get more complicated than I’d like when talking to strangers, I just have to deal. Besides maybe I just need to take that kudos and say thanks.
I mean, why not.

So proud!

I don't think I could be any more proud of my daughter and her artistic abilities! I went to open her side of the back seat and noticed she used a stamp. all. over. the. roof. of. our. tahoe.
These are moments that make my heart burst in pride.

Alone time....please

When I complained to Andrew that I can't even go poop alone I had no idea what was about to come.
I have been running like a chicken with his head cut off lately. We have been going to Dr. apts, therapy (Lily, not me, although I think I need it), last week we had VBS which I volunteered to watch the leaders babies so I could stay with Ollie. This week is summer school for Lily. Nice break but I have to take her back and forth and since she is now 55 lbs and 50" it is getting harder and harder. Did I mention we moved horse therapy to 6am on Mondays? I really need an adaptive vehicle for her. Size Mediums at Target are all of a sudden waaay too tight for her. You know the next size up? A 9/10! A freaking 9/10 for my almost 7 year old. She is ginormous!!!!
So in all my efforts to get the kids where they need to be. I had to squeeze in an appointment with my gyno. I forgot to mention getting Andi to gymnastics, she starts dance this week and next week she has gymnastics summer camp, again nice break for me but it is squeezed in the middle of dropping off and picking up Lily. So not really a break. Especially with Ollie who likes to remind me of his dislike of the car seat constantly.
So when I realized I had a gyno appointment yesterday I thought I would be able to drop A and O off at the office (my old place of work) to either daddy or grandma, whom of which neither were there. I had to go to plan B. I didn't want to leave them with my aunt or sister since I knew they were busy and besides I don't feel like I am imposing when it is the kids dad or grandma, but I know my kids can be a huge pain in the rear so I do feel like I am imposing when it isn't someone who HAS to love them. Aunts love can quite possibly be less unconditional. Anyway I was scrambling since Oliver isn't in an infant seat anymore. Not after the airlines lost ours. We used Andi's old seat and he hates it less than the infant seat so even though we got our seat back, plus a $50 voucher, we are keeping him in the car seat. Only minus, I no longer have a "baby holder", I don't carry a stroller in the car with me since I only have room for Lily's wheelchair so I was thinking ok, baby on lap while legs in stirrups? Probably not. I start calling around, I call Allison, she lives by the Dr. She wasn't home BUT her hubby was and I could borrow her daughters infant seat! Score! I run by grab that seat, and pull up to the Dr.'s office.
I shamefully walk in. I just know people are saying, she is pregnant again? I want a shirt that says "I'm just here for a pap". It was 30 minutes after my scheduled apt and we are still in the waiting room. Oliver has had it and is hungry. I start to nurse him, and just like going to the bathroom while out to eat and your dinner comes, the nurse calls my name. I have to take him off my boob and boy that wasn't cool with him. So I have this screaming baby. Oh did I mention Andi starts telling me how she HAS TO POOP NOW! The nurse holds Oliver while I weigh myself. I cough out the number to her just so no one over hears that I am 4 months post partum and still have weight to loose. I get Andi to the bathroom, and she wasn't kidding, she really had to go. I get to my room. I put Ollie down in the infant seat while I get naked and he screams. The Dr. comes in. Ollie screams. I get into position. Ollie screams. It was fantabulous fun! The Dr. asks me what I am doing about birth control and I just point to my kids and say "that". Dr. laughs, asks "seriously", since you can tell he'd rather me not procreate ever again as well, I said daddy got taken care of so we're good. He said we need to make sure it took though and have his sperm tested. Ok, I promise, I will not walk into this office again carrying a baby in my tummy ever again. Scouts honor. The Dr. really was patient and awesome and he is really the reason I had Oliver. I just wanted to spend the next nine months bs'ing about life with him. Not really, but kind of. Let me know if you want a referal. He really is that good.
But let me just say that whole experience really taught me that, while no I can't poo alone, I can't be violated by my Dr. alone either. I had to look over at wide eyed Andi and say "this is only ok because he is a Dr."
Sigh....I need a massage....alone!

Abuse

With in less than 5 minutes I heard on the news this AM about one woman who threw her two kids off a bridge, the 4 yr old boy did not survive, however his 7 year old sister did. I also heard about the woman who threw a 2 month old baby in a car seat, at a Wal-Mart employee when caught shoplifting.
It was 6:30am. I had already been up for an hour with Oliver, not to mention being up previously at 1:30am, and 3:30am. Andi had already came into my room at 5 to 6 am that morning and I was in a less than thrilled mood not wanting to think about the fact I had to get Oliver down so I could get Lily up, feed her, dress her, do her hair (ack!) and have her school ready, plus get myself ready, all the while telling Andi no we cannot go swimming at 7am, then getting in the car and get to Lily’s school by 7:30am for her IEP. Mood, not awesome. Andrew stayed back and put Lily on the bus and entertained the other two while I discussed the goals we will have for our daughter’s next school year. We talked about how her speech has really hit a plateau and they can’t give her more than 30 minutes a month. Of course unless she shows some great spikes in development in that area, then it will be revisited. I got to listen how they will work at hand over hand feeding and see if we tell her no sweets unless she feeds herself will help motivate her. I got to listen about all the equipment that is necessary to help my daughter work to her full capacity and I thought about the “mother” who threw her kids over a bridge. I can’t possibly imagine what could have been so wrong to throw your kids over a bridge. Now I may have suggested that Andi’s tantrums have made me imagine myself driving off a bridge, but of course I’m not being literal. To ever actually cause harm to my child. I can’t imagine.
I have spanked Andi. I am actually against spanking and vowed to never do so. Then I met Andi. Up until recently I had no idea how to manage her tantrums. I felt as out of control as she was and I spanked her. It did nothing but fuel the flame. We went back and forth, I used language that a child should never hear and again my control was gone. Time out? HA! It wasn’t until I heard a caller ask Dr. Laura what to do with her out of control preschooler and Dr. Laura said “ignore her” the mom said “that’s it?” “Yup” was all Dr. Laura said and I thought, it has to be worth a try. So the next tantrum, it wasn’t a long wait, I ignored Andi, totally and completely ignored her. She slammed her door maybe 5 times. She folded her arms across her chest and said “HUUUMMP” maybe 10 times. Stormed to her room and stayed there for awhile. Next thing I heard with sniffling and an “I’m sorry Mommy”. I honestly never said a word, not one. I am not wonder woman, I had to grit my teeth, I had to count to 10 and I had to think of rain on a spring day falling on a green lawn… I thought of the beach with the roaring waves and the bright sun tanning my 20 year old body, I thought of Zac Efron handing me a shot of tequila or 3, taking them off his rock hard… what? It’s my daydream! You get the point. I had to loose where I was and it was a miracle. That wasn’t the only time ignoring worked, it has helped on several occasions and again I thank Dr. Laura.
My point is parenting is hard. Parenting is heart breaking. I have a daughter that every skill she masters is written on an IEP. She has goals that were written years ago and have yet to been checked off. Not to mention the ones I have in my head. I also have a daughter who has tested my patience beyond anything I could ever imagine, whom I have a battle with every day. And a perfect little baby boy that we all know will be throwing toys at me too someday. Parenting is HARD and judging other moms is really an unnecessary evil. We are all different and will all deal differently with our kids and discipline.
But throwing your kids over a bridge? Using an infant as a weapon? Those are places my mind can’t even go to. There are teens giving birth and throwing their baby in the trash because they are afraid to get into trouble? These stories turn my insides out. They crush my heart and leave me wondering why there is no license for parenting.
So while I was frustrated, exhausted and not ready to start my day, I watched those news stories and held my baby tight in my arms and vowed no matter what kind of arguments we got into, no matter what tantrums I deal with, I would never throw any of my kids over a bridge. Not literally of course, but not in theory either. I won’t give up no matter how tempting it may be at times to get in a car and drive as far as I can. When we make the conscious decision to be a parent we give up a huge part of our lives. It isn’t instantaneous; actually it took me 2.5 kids into this parenting thing to really make some changes. But change has to come.
Parenting is a road of learning. I do think that I am getting better at it every day and I am making conscious efforts to do right by my kids and by my husband and will strive to continue.
I also vow to never get a puppy again. And I vow to not watch Jon and Kate plus 8, yes I slipped this weekend and I am sorry. But the weekend was long and man did they make that episode look so very watch able. But I was right and it totally wasn’t. That is an example of what I will not do. I so badly wanted to be famous. I spent my first 20 years hoping for it, but if it were at the cost of my family, well you’d have better luck hanging me by my finger nails to a tree.
Off soap box. Bet some of you wish I went back into seclusion.

Bye, bye, bye

Andrew took the girls up to Greer this weekend with my parents. When my mom came by to get the girls, they rode up with her, she asked Oliver what he would do without his sisters, as he was watching Andi, laughing. I said "he'll get to eat when he needs to, he'll be held more, get a bath...", my mom laughed.
I was serious.

Break up?

It's not you, it's me. You're great, really, I just. Well, it's hard to say. I'm just not "feeling" it lately. I'm sorry.
All kidding aside, holy crap this 3rd kid has done me in and all my blogging! I do my best to keep up with Lily's site and this one, well it's the red headed step child. My apologies to all the red headed step children out there.
Being a stay at home mom to three kids is wowza. And one is in school. I can't wait to see what awaits me this summer. If the baby is sleeping I may actually shower and shave. Other times I clean instead. The house. I'm trying to keep up with the house work and myself, but damn if it ain't hard!
Now that it is a million degrees outside I have Andi begging to go swimming from 7am 0n. Seriously 7am. So if I get the baby down it is a choice between cleaning, showering or swimming.
Swimming usually wins, now if I could just shave and shampoo in the pool I would at least kill two birds. My apologies to the birds, bad analogy.
I like how I am apologizing considering I doubt anyone reads this thing anymore, which brings me to two choices. Take a break, make it public and not worry about it in the middle of the night when I really should be sleeping considering I am still only getting 3-4 hour stretches at a time. Or just come on here when I feel the need to purge. Like I could have Mother's Day. Andrew had knee surgery and was laid up. Totally not his fault. He did what he could, but it was pretty big surgery. So I had to take care of him, plus a special needs 6 year old who decided to have a spider bite on. her. eye! Her eye swelled up like a balloon! It was so scary. I also have a needy 3 month old, of course. And the only other human being in my home that can actually do something for herself really would rather me do it all, all the while being attached to my hip and needing surgical removal.
Sigh.
Yeah I'll keep this up just so I can do that.

Blame it on Dr. Laura

So I started listening to Dr. Laura several months ago, probably about 6 months. Believe me it took me a long time to like her. I used to listen to her in my 20's and hated her. I wasn't living the best life I could so of course I didn't like her. But as I matured and realized what she was saying I listened and put her words into action and my life changed. My marriage went from constant small battles to peace. I was more patient with the kids and the biggest thing that I wanted to follow yet couldn't was be "my kids mom" (stay at home mom). I was so conflicted with the thoughts of wanting to be home with my kids (I was pregnant with Oliver at the time) but needing that second income. The more I listened the more I knew this is something I had to do. The only reason we needed that second income is we got ourselves in stupid debt but thanks to a crappy year we got a nice income tax return and since my employer is cancelling our 401k I am withdrawing that money and now have enough money to get out of that debt. Now although I am still employed, I handed over my old position (payroll/HR) and now am doing light work that is done easily at home. Andrew may be in a position to make more money leaving us in an alright place with my much less income. It seems like the planets aligned so being at home is where I am meant to be and it has been nice....but I am getting a little stir crazy and thinking I will be doing this for 5 years is a little scary. I am used to adult interaction (ok I get a little with facebook, but I can't eat lunch with people on there!) and I guess I thought we'd be able to do things out of the house, but that is not really happening with this baby. I cannot believe I got Andi incarnate and it is really wearing on me. I thought when I was pregnant, this baby has to be chill. He has to be. NO baby could ever be like Andi (for those of you not around when she was a baby, well she was like she is now, just a lot smaller) and he is JUST LIKE HER! Screams, and I mean screams, in the car seat everywhere we go. Everywhere. Hates the swing. Hates the bouncy seat. Loves my boobs. Only difference is I can actually lie him down for naps and I have him in the crib, Andi slept with us until she was 3. But since I am determined to have him in the crib I am going into his room still up to three times a night leaving me exhausted and short with Andi the next day and some times I wonder if I can handle having her home with me all day every day for the next year and 4 months, not really counting the days until kindergarten...
I think this is stemming from a short trip to Michael's that ended up disastrous with a screaming baby and everyone looking at me like I was a murderer. I just wanted to get a craft for my daughter so she can do something at home instead of watching TV and making messes in her room. Not to mention her pretending to have a baby in her room for hours on end....sigh.
I just am feeling overwhelmed and think what would I be doing if I were at work?
I am hoping I am not the only person who has decided to be a stay at home mom and took some time to adjust. I know summer is soon and we can spend time at the pool when Oliver is sleeping and Lily has fun summer school for 3 weeks, not to mention the whole week of VBS at church for Andi :)
I guess I thought I would be able to do things with Andi, clean the house all the while the baby calmly hangs out in the swing and life would be dandy, but it really isn't like that. I have to hold him when he is awake and that makes chores harder. I do sling him and that is fine, but hurts my shoulder after awhile (my shoulder thing isn't new, it is a mess).
Wow, complain complain.
I guess this should be a place to humor myself and not complain.
By the way at 1am last night during feeding #1, I thought up an amazing kids book that I know would fly off the shelves, anyone know how to get that started? Seriously. totally cute!

I'm a mom

It's Andi's 4th birthday today and she has been attending a spring break camp at her gymnastics gym, I sent her with 2 dozen cupcakes in tupperware to celebrate. I felt a bit panicky about not getting my tupperware back and decided to write our name on them. Then I realized, I am totally a mom. It didn't take me having 3 kids to realize it, it just took some tupperware.

Once upon a time...

January used to be a big month for me modeling here in Phoenix (locally). January I had something each weekend. There is the big bridal show, the Barrett Jackson Car auction and the Phoenix Open (FBR). This of course was all before I had Lily and got too busy and unable to do all this. Nothing to do with my body ok, I still totally could have done it, I was just overloaded with Lily and all that entailed with her those first few years. Alright?!
So all these commercials were playing yesterday, first the car auction. I sighed to myself, I used to work the VIP tent there wearing million dollar jewels trying to sell them to guys who just bought million dollar cars.... Andrew said said something about he remembered those days as well and I said that was 2.5 kids ago.... sigh...
We go about doing our thing and then a commercial comes on for the FBR Open and I sigh again, "I used to work the VIP tents meeting people such as Steve Young and others".... then Andrew says "that was three tubs of frosting ago." He was kidding and we both laughed. Well after I called him a jerk.
So what! I finally gave into my craving and got the tub of frosting out and sat and ate graham crackers and frosting, I had to, it was screaming at me from the fridge.
But I laughed and told Andrew just how lucky he is that I can take his jokes in stride and how most other 8 month pregnant wives might not think that was so funny.
But I did. It was. And the frosting was good. And those jobs weren't that cool. My kids are way cooler.

Super Exciting Tuesday!

Super exciting Tuesday, right? Like this means after today I can go 4 more years without being overloaded with commercials that make me throw my dinner at the TV. I am not even talking about the "Big" guys commercials, it is the little local guys that make me gag. It is funny there is this set that goes after each other, I can't even vote for them, not my district, but if I could I would vote not for any other reason except to vote for the one not slinging the mud. This dude here Lord is his last name, all he does is say nasty things about his opponent and yet I have never heard him once say what he will do in the desired position. Gag me!
And if I have to watch the Prop 102 commercial one more time about how life is so wonderful when a man marries a woman I will vomit. Really vomit.
Wanna know what Andrew said to me last night as I yelled at the show Dr. 90210 (what a bunch of superficial idiots on that show, gag! But yes I do still watch) and then continued to yell the entire time the commercials were going? He said, "I really wish you smoked pot". By the way my day never let up with Andi, it was tough til bedtime and so maybe, just maybe I was a bit high strung, but for my husband to say that, well I guess it might have meant something.
I even skipped yoga last night because I was in such a bad mood. And I know I should have gone, but I just couldn't. Oh and wanna know what else happened last night? I was yelling at Andi when for the millionth time she refused to listen to no, I peed. Yes I peed when I yelled. Then I ran to my room and lied down. I was done. What am I coming to? Not yet 30 and I pee when I yell? I am just 26 weeks pregnant. This kid will be doubling, tripling, no quadrupling his size by due time. What does this mean? OMG! I need depends. I am not even 30 yet.
But wanna know what. I decided to have a different attitude. I woke up today and I was still crabby, but I decided that my crabby mood will not decide my day. I got the kids up. I joked with them, gave them more hugs than usual and made a vow to myself I will not yell. I will not yell. I will not yell. God I can't. I am pretty sure God did that to me to show me not to yell. I didn't even have to go the bathroom. So anyway lesson learned. I am going to be more conscious about letting my patience get away from me.
I am only sharing this to be honest. I am sure I will get comments about yelling is bad and whatever and that is fine. Some people live their entire existence pretending to never crack up, but I can't pretend. I am honest. I am hormonal and honest and apparently have a weak bladder. I am sharing that too, b/c well... I am not sure why I shared that. I am going to crawl under a rock now.

Is it Tuesday yet?

Is it bad that I cannot wait to sit and print page after page then fold, address and mail them over and over again tomorrow as opposed to stay home one more day with Andi? I know it sounds awful, but if I didn't get three days a week to work and she goes to school, I would be far more aged than I already am.
It is exhausting raising this child. She refuses to nap. I can get her to lay down after fighting for an hour, but I can't physically make her fall asleep... well legally I can't.
Our car rides she makes demands that are not feasible while I am driving. When did I ever manage to fix head phones, take off shoes, smell stinky feet, put on Mama Mia (for the 80th time), grab a pencil, no not that one the princess one, no that is Ariel, I want Jasmine.... I guess I should be able to steer with my toes while me and my large belly are turned around attempting to please each request, while texting. The funny thing is, I always say "when I stop". I always say that and I always follow thru with that, yet she seems to think every time she requests the answer will change, then of course when I don't take off Lily's shoes so she can try them on, she screams and cries and then throws something at me. I tell her each time you throw something at me it tells me you do not want it and I will throw it away. And I do. Today it was a doll car seat. And then more screaming and crying. Just one thing after the other. Kibberts watched her this morning so I could take Lily to horse therapy and have speech at home, then I got her and from the minute I picked her up she has been nothing but a brat. She threw a tantrum on the way to music therapy. Was fine there. Then threw a fit on the way home. She sassed me while at home and after screaming (on my part) now she is lying down, but every time I go in and look at her, she is wide awake.
Then when I left Lily's lunch on the couch to wipe Andi's poopy butt, the freaking idiot dog that I can't stand ate Lily's burger. More screaming.
I am sure baby Ollie is afraid to come out of my tummy because he knows that he'll be screamed at too.....
I hate this. I hate fighting. I hate yelling.
Why must she always be on volume 10?
Sigh.
Frustrated and still sleep deprived...

"Oh I need a drink"

Someone needs a psychologist....

Ahhhhhh am I bad person for happily putting Lily on the bus this morning? She was home more this fall break then she was home during summer break! Summer break she at least goes to summer school. This was tough! And with the temps still in the upper 90's as of last week there wasn't much we could do. But yesterday just the girls and I went to our beautiful Phoenix Zoo and had a wonderful day. I couldn't believe it! No fights, no whining! It was a perfect day! Perfect weather. Just a great day! Andi had slept from 5:30pm to 6:30am that previous night, yeah really, and man was she a different kid! She even slept on the way home from the zoo! Score! Let me just say I have to brag her up because I almost dropped her off at a safe house on Sunday. Sigh.
She went crazy on me. Like really crazy and I had no leverage. I had no idea what to do.
Here is the back ground we decided to go to my nieces gymnastic meet Sunday afternoon. Since Andi thinks her 11 yr old cousin is her best friend and their shared gymnastics coach is God, I figured that would be a fun thing to do. Lily had a bad cold so Andrew "sacrificed" the fun afternoon by staying home and watching football all Sunday afternoon. All was going well. We were sitting with my sister and my other niece. I had no cash and my sister bought Andi a snack and we were having fun. My niece was having a great day and it was awesome to see her. Andi wanted another snack and I figured that would be ok, I had borrow 50 cents from my sister and got her a little rice crispy thing. All is fine. Then Andi wants another snack. I refuse. She had lunch. I wasn't borrowing anymore money. No. She starts to cry. I still say no. Then Skylar is up for her floor routine and I am trying to watch her while Andi starts freaking out. Like pulling my legs trying to get me to get up and get her a snack. I say we are leaving when Sky is done and she cries more. Not cries, freaks. So Sky is done, I say tell Aunt Jenn and Ariel bye and she screams. I pick her up and she screams like I am kidnapping her and everyone is staring. I get to the parking lot and she hits me in the face. I take her arms hold them down and carry her like a football telling her to hit me again. I get to the car and she explodes, she kicks, she screams, it takes everything I have to hold her down and buckle her in her car seat. I never once hit her, yet she is kicking me, she is hitting me IN THE FACE, I take off and I hear her unbuckle her car seat. That is when mommy flipped her lid. I pull over into the city center business center and opened her door. Did I mention while I drove from the school to the city center she had taken off both her shoes and chucked them at me? Oh and her headphones? Well I was steamed, somehow I did know that hitting her, and believe me I REALLY wanted to, except for smacking her hand to get her to let go while trying to buckle her in, would not help. So I took every doll, every coloring book, everything she had ever brought into my car and I locked her in the car and marched over to the trash can and threw it all away. I was seeing red, I am not sure what went in that trash can, but I am sure it would have made some little girl very happy to stumble across it. That is if she is digging through a trash can. So I get back in the car and she is crying. Crying no longer freaking. Crying tears. She is sorry. She is still minutes away from the safe haven down the road in my book. Believe me although I didn't hit her, I yelled. It was a fast flying zone for many bombs I swear to not say in front of the kids, but really red, I was seeing red. I didn't know what was going on. I had no idea how I was going to deal with the situation and was actually pretty surprised all it took was chucking about $50 worth of crappy toys in my car. She got in her car seat and we drove home in silence. She fell asleep, but I had the hardest time getting her out of the car seat and trying to calmly keep her asleep. I just picked her up, put her in her room and said "do not come out! I cannot see your face for a long time". She actually understood this request and was pretty quiet the rest of the day. She apologized several times, and eventually I got over it, but man I have never been so upset. So disappointed. So discouraged. I know being a parent is tough but that feeling of not having a clue what to do is scary and loosing control is very scary. I never want to loose control with my kids and it was lost.
We deal with tantrums usually every day to every other day, but I usually ignore them and they go away. This time was something else. It was scary and I need to know what to do ahead of time before it happens again.
This is where I am coming to you all who have been there and done that. What are ways to prepare myself and I was far beyond taking 10 breaths. What are things I can do to her to get her to stop.
Help me!
Thank God I have several more years before having another 3 year old. I'll take 2's waaaay over 3's!
Unless someone has a machine I can put him in and keep him 8 weeks old forever. Sigh.

It's a .....................

So let me just say one thing before the BIG reveal....

I want to share what this pregnancy is doing to me.

Last night I made this Bisquick meal I think the impossible cheeseburger pie one and everything went as planned. I don't see how it couldn't. I don't always cook like that, but I needed something easy that went with hamburger and that was what I choose. So time to pour in a can of cream of mushroom soup and I did. Well I thought I did. I was stirring and stirring and the consistency wasn't right and there were chunks. I was like what the hell are those chunks. Turned out they were potato's and while I am thinking why are there potatoes in my cream of mushroom soup the familiar smell told me I just poured clam chowder soup on my cooked hamburger and had no choice but to go with it. Well it was gross. One bite and I tossed it, yet I dished Andrew some and watched him eat it. He took a bite a made a little weird look. Then kept on eating. I said "isn't it gross?" and he said "it's fine" and then I told him of my mistake and he said "it's fine."

So except for as long as it isn't ground turkey Andrew, the rest of us gagged and fed it to the dogs, who by the way... liked it.

But this is all from the baby. I used to be semi bright. At least I would have before looked at the soup I grabbed from the pantry. Or maybe noticed a strong odor before pouring. Sigh.



Oh yeah, by the way... it is so a boy. Like big penis and all. I can't believe it. At first when they said that at 13 weeks I thought, maybe a boy and I was scared of the thought. But today after seeing him and watching him play with his penis I couldn't help but be a little proud of him and his little glory he was proud to play with. Dad is beaming and beyond himself and I am actually really liking the idea of our son. My son. He is already really cute too! My lips and dads penis.

Awesome combo!




And I know the 4 D stuff is a little creepy this early on, they have no fat, but this picture is pretty cute. He already knows gang signs.

For the cause....

So the news had a report today saying that the stricter the parent the more sexually active the child will become. Of course who knows who does these studies and whatever, I am just saying it was on the news, and it is in my favor so when Andrew calls me to the room to hear it, I say "see I am just insuring Andi will not be sexually active, at all....ever".
Andrew thinks I am too easy and that was a wonderful thing to hear from the newscaster b/c we all know how dads feel about their little girls knocking boots.

Happy weekend!

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder if your kids are sometimes kidding. Like you hear her screaming for a cupcake at 8am and tell her no and then she cries and acts like her life is over. Then stops and asks for coke. Then it is a no and it is screaming, crying and on the floor. Then she stops (after her mama totally ignores her) and asks for a banana. I just look at her. Grab a banana, hand it to her and walk away.
But I can't help but shake my head and think, she is kidding. She is doing this on purpose. She is seeing what she can get from me and I just wanna drop kick her. (Of course I would never.....)
I am a very lax mom. Everyone knows it. I have been offended at times for being called out on it, but not anymore. I accept it. I am lax. I am a lax person. I am a peace keeper and yes although I do have a bit of a hot head, I am usually incredibly guilty after blow ups and for that sake I do my best to stray from them. So I am lax. But with Andi I decide while she is whining and asking, is this important? If I decide to say no, I need to stick to no and of course I have been weak, but for the most part I stick to no. And sometimes sticking to no is HARD and all I want to do is throw a cupcake at her, but I don't. But I sure want to. Kind of like when Andrew was quitting smoking years ago and at times I would yell, "go smoke!" But a lot of times I decide it isn't that big of a deal and fighting isn't going to get either of us anywhere, so I am lax. But I think that is where Andi tests me more. I don't always say no, so she tests the water to see if mom will say no today or not. I don't know. I am totally rambling. Some mornings are just so tough with that child and I know the power struggles are just going to get harder and over much bigger things. Sigh.
If this child growing inside me is anything like her, I think I will need an early grave.
By the way, are my boobs going to stop hurting soon? I honestly can't remember, do they hurt the whole time? They feel bruised and I know it will just get worse once I become once again a human pacificer. Let me know those of you who remember or are beyond the first trimester. How can I forget all this stuff? Do I have to be Michelle Duggar and on baby 18 to not forget what happens next?

The Lawrence Welk Show?

So it was Saturday night. Besides a little trip to Peter Piper Pizza I was shacked up with the kids all day. I missed my husband and Andi was being uber feisty. I was crabby to say the least.

It was 7pm. I was on the couch, exhausted. I forgot what a little bean sized human inside my body can do to me. And I start scrambling for my remote control. I never loose the remote control. I am not being facetious, I really never loose the remote control. I knew exactly where I put it and I knew Andi was the culprit. "Where's the remote control Andi" I ask nicely. She shrugs.
This goes on a few times when all of a sudden I hear the Tivo bloop and I look and see that this old Tivo from 04 has a suggestion for me and will start recording The Lawrence Welk Show for me in one minute. For one, why? Do I watch things like that? No. Why it never says hey lady Tila Tequila is on, why don't you watch it with your children in the room, no it says LAWRENCE FREAKING WELCH is on. My heart races.... Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! "WHERE IS THE REMOTE ANDI?" I screech. "I put it on Fiona" she says. "I NEED THE FREAKING REMOTE RIGHT NOW!" and then it was too late, it turned to The Lawrence Welk Show and I started to panic. Throwing couch cushions, yelling, absolutely looking like I was a crack addict insisting on their being crack inside the walls. I was crazy. The girls watched goobers dance and sing songs while I flipped my lid. And then it was over, I felt defeated. No I didn't cave in and watch that crap, I was left, but to turn off the TV. I know. It was incredibly awful. But I turned it off. Counted to ten and took some breaths, colored and read to the kids. I know the insanity! But you know what. It wasn't half bad. We all went to bed at 8pm and I survived the night with out TV.

Sunday morning while I was cleaning up (and don't think this is where I realize I put the remote in the fridge or something, I DON'T LOOSE THE REMOTE) I found a blue bag and in that blue bag I found one of those bean bags you heat up and put on your back, some colors and paper, oh and a remote control. I look at Andi and say, "remember putting this in here?" and she just says "yeah".

Sigh......

Please come home Andrew... I promise to not bite this time.

MIA for good reason

So Lily bug has the stomach flu bug. I am pretty sure I am not alone when saying that has to be the worst thing a child can get. Add a kid still in diapers and unable and unknowing to vomit in the toilet and it makes it twice as fun. Not to mention all the anti epileptic meds she isn't getting. Sigh. Today though is a much better day.
I kept her home with her having a fever still and not eating well yet. But it is funny, I am feeling rather caged in. I work three days a week. That leaves me four other days in the week that I do not work and I am with the kiddos. Yet we never stay home. Ever. Lily goes to school Thursday mornings and Andi and I am out the door. Usually shopping, or the park. Or shopping. Or shopping. Then we lunch. Yes she is my shopping and lunch date. Have a problem with that?
And the weekends forgetaboutit. Unless we have company coming to town that we have to clean up for, we are out and about all weekend long. Staying home is rarely an option and it is an option that has me crawling in my skin. At least if it were in the 100's we'd go summing, but at a measly upper 80's you won't catch me in the pool unless I am floating face down. I am born and raised Arizona, it is how I am. I am just not a home body. I don't like to be a home body until about 6pm at night. I am a morning person and like to wake up and go. Maybe this stems from childhood and Saturdays we could not do ANYTHING until we had our chores done. Maybe I am rebelling.
Anyway, all I came on to say was to tell you about Andi last night and look what a mess I made. Again, I must plan better.
So last night we got Pei Wei. It was good. Andi is the pickiest kid around and I wonder how she survives. Anyway, the pickiest kid alive ate tons of edamame and hot and sour soup. I guess all along the mac and cheese and hot dogs were just not right for her palate.
Gonna loose again in bunco tonight. Sweet.

She knows who is paying for college

So this morning after Lily got on the school bus, I am doing dishes, Andi is playing in the living room and the news is going. Our local guy is at Disney on Ice talking with Nemo and the gang and in my head I say, oh shoot queen of I wants will want to go to Nemo and we can't go this weekend. So what does Andi say, I am hearing this already in my head, I know it is coming, and she says "Do you think your mom can take me to Disney on Ice?" Pheeew, I totally dodged that bullet.
I say, "I don't know call her and ask her." Andi calls Grandma, or shall I say my mom, and says "Um Grandma, on TV is Nemo. Can you take me?" I get on the phone laugh and explain it to Grandma. She is totally tickled by the whole thing and we laugh say good bye and then I am getting ready in the bathroom while Andi is taking a bath. Ring, Ring. It is my mom. My head says, OMG she read my blog, she is calling about yesterdays embarrassing post. "Hello" I say. "Ok don't be mad, but I got tickets for Andi and I for tonight's show, front row" she says. "Mom! I wasn't serious!" I say, she says "I know, but it will be fun just us two."
Mad why would I be mad? An evening with Andrew and Lily sounds well... nice and quiet.
Andi sure knows who to butter up.

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I wanted to post this story about me when I was 6 before Andi made me laugh this morning so this is a twoferone.
I wanted to share this cute story about my dad, because I love my dad. He is so cute and I think with the whole drawing of him with a beer that landed me in al-anon and my diary post you may all have drawn a conclusion of him and I don't want that. My dad is funny, the smartest man I have ever met and I just love him to death, so I wanted to share this gem from my childhood that will be a story my kids tell and their kids tell... oh boy I just ruined the story. It will never live up to what I just blew it up to be. Oh well, I will still share it.

Slight back story, my dad has always had a large belly. "Only thing bought and paid for" he says. Us kids would always punch him in it. He would let us. It was a game, not a real funny one looking back, but he was game to play. The best part of the game was to catch him not paying attention and getting him good and hard. No one was ever able to hurt him, at least he never let on that it ever did.

So that is the back story.

So it is a summer night, my dad took me and my sister to the video store to pick out some movies. I am running around not paying attention. I start doing spins around and around in the middle of the store and right at my eye level was a large belly. Of course I jump on my first instinct, I draw back my arm and with everything in my 6 year old body went right into this large belly in front of me. I was proud, I got him! He had no idea it was coming! I had a huge smile when my head slowly raises up and all I see is a strangers face with all the color drained from it. I got him alright. Some strange man, I just socked in the stomach as hard as I could. He looked mad and my face went from smile to scared instantly and I ran. I ran to my dad.
My dad is apologizing and trying to explain the game we play, but it doesn't matter this guy was pissed.
I am not sure what happened from there, but I know we still cannot tell this story with out all laughing. I laughed all through writing this.
I don't know why I wanted to write this. But after yesterday I need to pretend I never said orgasm.

Andi talk....

Andi: Mommy!

Me: Yes

Andi: I think your boobies are cute

Me: Yes, so does your Daddy.

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[We are at Target, I am grabing a 6 pack of Pacifico]

Andi: I think that is a good idea

Me: What is a good idea?

Andi: Buying beer, that is a good idea.

Me: I think so.

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Andi: Mommy do you want a baby in your tummy when you get big?

Me: Yes

Andi: I do too. Does Daddy?

Me: No hunny, Daddy can't

Andi: Why

Me: Because sweetie Mommys have babies because Daddys couldn't handle it

Andi: Oh

If Two's are Terrible....

If Two's are Terrible, what the hell are three's?
I am feeling like I was under some great misconception about Andi turning three.
I thought once the two's were behind us it would be daisy's in the park.
I didn't think I would be yelling so much every morning that all my tonsil stones would come out.
(it's ok if you gag)
But seriously. Andi is still recovering from a very bad flu, so either she is still not over her sickness or three came in and took that tiny part of sweetness she had in her and went to Tahiti.
I know I am not throwing you when I say she is difficult. She came out difficult. I like her strong personality, well I had liked it up until now. But seriously. Seriously.
She is nasty. Just all attitude.
Sigh.
Praying it is just still the sickness hanging around.

I shouldn't complain. I love her. I just had a huge misconception. Everyone says oh the terrible two's yada yada, but no one says, oh two ain't nothing, wait til three. You all sit back and silently giggle to yourself, she has no idea. I don't. I didn't. Although Andi is technically my second, I have no idea what normal development it. I didn't know that Andi is bright for knowing her birthday since November. I didn't know she was a little "off" by putting ice cream in her hair. Well I kinda knew she was a little off... besides the point. You all are just so smug in your knowingness..... help a mutha out next time people.

Is my child different or is three worse than two.
Poll time.