So we had two face plants this weekend! Sigh... Lily was on the carpet rolling around and I was getting ready for a play date and Andrew was on the computer. Andi and Lily were in the living room and I hear this painful cry from Lily, I run in there and there she was, on the tile covered in blood. She must of had a drop seizure and gotten over to the tile, b/c I had her on the carpet. Anyway, blood just poured out of her nose. She lip was a bit swollen and her nose was red. She cried for at least 10 minutes while I cleaned her up. She was fine the rest of the day. Poor bug...
On to #2, we went for pizza last night and when we were leaving Andi was holding on to her bunny and was stepping off the curb and of course lost her balance and had no hands to catch her fall and smack onto the asphalt. It was a loud thud that just knotted my stomach. She was screaming and her lip was cut and bleeding, the spot between your nose and lip was cut and bleeding and she had a red spotted bump on her forehead. Ugh, she was ok after a couple minutes and daddy promised ice cream and she was all about that. But her little face didn't fair as well as Sissy's. She has several marks. I took pictures but don't have my camera with me to show. Poor babies.
Wish me luck, I am slowing down... not quitting but slowing down my consumption of coke (a cola). I think if I switch to tea I may be able to get a less bloated tummy. Coke is a huge addiction (a cola, just so we don't get lines crossed) in my life and limiting it may cause some serious problems, so we will take this slowly and see what happens.
Ok I have to pick up Sissy from therapy!
Monday, April 30, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
I swear....
So nothing like hearing your 2 year old spew the word "bitch". I knew it would happen. I tell him over and over again, do NOT swear in front of the kids and wouldn't you know, when you least expect it. My road raging husband spews an awful word and he was raised better than to call women that, but he did and what does Andi yell from her car seat? "Big Bitch!" After breathing and counting to 10 trying my best not to laugh I say that is a naughty word and ignore it. Yet she seems to think it is a fun word and says it over and over. I do not condone children swearing. It is not cute and not funny, although it was. It isn't. We ignored her, but Andrew looked like he would bust his gut in trying to not laugh and encourage.
I was raised where swearing was not an option. Dad swore, but he was the only one who could. I would get in trouble if I said butt. Seriously! I remember my friend Marlene was over and I was acting cool and said "I feel on my butt!" and my mom just so happened to walk by and say "Kimberly Dawn!" I was red faced and didn't say it again, well around her. BUTT, BUTT, BUTT!
I have always thought swearing is not classy. It isn't something I do regularly and definitely not around my mom. Of course they happen to slip out, but I RARELY swear around anyone. Want to hear a true testimony to this? Plug your ear Maw if you are reading, or rather close your eyes? How does that work?
Andrew and I were dating a few months and always spent our weekends with Andrew's friend Dave. Dave had an Audi and drove us everywhere. We were a threesome. A WHOLESOME threesome, thank you very much. Anyway, Andrew and Dave were roommates so we all hung out a lot. They some how picked up on the fact that I didn't swear and they used to bust my balls about it. I guess hearing "shoot" and "dangit" was noticeable. They used to constantly say, just say f@#! And I would refuse. I would turn bright red and say NO! Well one night we went for Chinese food and were heading somewhere afterwards. I got dared to take a sake bomber after telling them that sake has some allergic reaction to me that always ends up with me doing something extremely embarrassing. I know Nicole knows this, Vegas.... sake.... sashimi.... wild man?! Yeah sake and I don't work out well. It is the only drunk I get that seriously takes me out of my body and enters a new person. Seriously people, I have had 4 sake bombers in my life! I am afraid of what reaction will come of that stuff. Anyway, I was dared and did it.
Ok back to the car ride... I am in the back seat, examining my fingers I am sure. Andrew and Dave are in the front seat and bam out of no where this car turns in front of us and we slam on our brakes..... "Jesus F@#&ing Christ!" I exclaim..... silence.... nothing.... "Guys! I just said f@&#!" Laughter filled the car and the story continues to this day. I told you not to listen mom!
Anyway, my kids will not swear. Well if Lily ends up talking one day and the word she chooses is a profanity I don't think I will mind. But Andi, no way. She can say butt, but that is it! Have a good weekend, guys!
I was raised where swearing was not an option. Dad swore, but he was the only one who could. I would get in trouble if I said butt. Seriously! I remember my friend Marlene was over and I was acting cool and said "I feel on my butt!" and my mom just so happened to walk by and say "Kimberly Dawn!" I was red faced and didn't say it again, well around her. BUTT, BUTT, BUTT!
I have always thought swearing is not classy. It isn't something I do regularly and definitely not around my mom. Of course they happen to slip out, but I RARELY swear around anyone. Want to hear a true testimony to this? Plug your ear Maw if you are reading, or rather close your eyes? How does that work?
Andrew and I were dating a few months and always spent our weekends with Andrew's friend Dave. Dave had an Audi and drove us everywhere. We were a threesome. A WHOLESOME threesome, thank you very much. Anyway, Andrew and Dave were roommates so we all hung out a lot. They some how picked up on the fact that I didn't swear and they used to bust my balls about it. I guess hearing "shoot" and "dangit" was noticeable. They used to constantly say, just say f@#! And I would refuse. I would turn bright red and say NO! Well one night we went for Chinese food and were heading somewhere afterwards. I got dared to take a sake bomber after telling them that sake has some allergic reaction to me that always ends up with me doing something extremely embarrassing. I know Nicole knows this, Vegas.... sake.... sashimi.... wild man?! Yeah sake and I don't work out well. It is the only drunk I get that seriously takes me out of my body and enters a new person. Seriously people, I have had 4 sake bombers in my life! I am afraid of what reaction will come of that stuff. Anyway, I was dared and did it.
Ok back to the car ride... I am in the back seat, examining my fingers I am sure. Andrew and Dave are in the front seat and bam out of no where this car turns in front of us and we slam on our brakes..... "Jesus F@#&ing Christ!" I exclaim..... silence.... nothing.... "Guys! I just said f@&#!" Laughter filled the car and the story continues to this day. I told you not to listen mom!
Anyway, my kids will not swear. Well if Lily ends up talking one day and the word she chooses is a profanity I don't think I will mind. But Andi, no way. She can say butt, but that is it! Have a good weekend, guys!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Oh Brother....
Those picketers didn't even last an hour. There were only actually 2 employees of the 10 of them. We supose this is some scam. I guess maybe if we dressed as INS workers that might have gotten rid of them faster.
No media came, they didn't get what they wanted. Our lawyer came by and said to film it if they came again today. So dumb.... eye roll. I guess giving your employees good pay, great benefits as well as a 401K is still not good enough. Sigh... I understand what the lawyers are doing, but get the real bad guys.
Enough of that!
So anyone else bawl over American Idol last night? Man, I am getting soft in my old age. I was almost enraged when I thought Jordin was going home, but all is well. That of course was not why I was bawling for those of you who didn't see the show. It was emotional, they were raising money for children all around the world that needs it. The AIDS situation is Africa is just unbearable. I am glad they are doing a good thing. I just hope it all goes to where it is suposed to.
I am home with Andi today and we are checking out a new daycare. I just hate droppng her off at her daycare right now. There is nothing wrong with it persay, it is just a lot of kids. A young teacher and not very nuturing. It was fine until she got to the 2's room. This place is in home and right by us! The woman is a stay at home mom with a masters in childhood development. It was just by chance she had an opening and my friend asked about Andi going. We are checking it out today. We are also checking out a new place in town called Way to Play Cafe. I think a place for parents to sit and have coffee while kids play. I want to see if it is a good place to do playdates with friends. I hope it is a fun day with Andi, you never know though since she had a bad dream at about 10pm so I let her come to bed with us and it was a long night. We do not all sleep well together.
Anyway... I am off to shower.
No media came, they didn't get what they wanted. Our lawyer came by and said to film it if they came again today. So dumb.... eye roll. I guess giving your employees good pay, great benefits as well as a 401K is still not good enough. Sigh... I understand what the lawyers are doing, but get the real bad guys.
Enough of that!
So anyone else bawl over American Idol last night? Man, I am getting soft in my old age. I was almost enraged when I thought Jordin was going home, but all is well. That of course was not why I was bawling for those of you who didn't see the show. It was emotional, they were raising money for children all around the world that needs it. The AIDS situation is Africa is just unbearable. I am glad they are doing a good thing. I just hope it all goes to where it is suposed to.
I am home with Andi today and we are checking out a new daycare. I just hate droppng her off at her daycare right now. There is nothing wrong with it persay, it is just a lot of kids. A young teacher and not very nuturing. It was fine until she got to the 2's room. This place is in home and right by us! The woman is a stay at home mom with a masters in childhood development. It was just by chance she had an opening and my friend asked about Andi going. We are checking it out today. We are also checking out a new place in town called Way to Play Cafe. I think a place for parents to sit and have coffee while kids play. I want to see if it is a good place to do playdates with friends. I hope it is a fun day with Andi, you never know though since she had a bad dream at about 10pm so I let her come to bed with us and it was a long night. We do not all sleep well together.
Anyway... I am off to shower.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Exciting!
Just when I thought my life was not exciting at all..... I drove up to this at work today!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Ode to my husband
It is so easy to talk bad about someone when things aren't going to your likings, but it seems harder to talk good about someone who is very important in your life, because it is so easy to take them for granted.
I know it is cheesy and cliché' but when it's right it doesn't take much effort. That is so true when it comes to my husband and me. We just get along and usually laugh and joke most of our time together. We have an ability to not let the bills get to us. The pressures of life get to us.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. He is a slob. He has done me wrong several times, but we work things out and it almost seems effortlessly. I have never run across someone, whom I thought, I bet my life would be better with him. Those thoughts don’t come into my head b/c I know my life would suck with out my other half. I won’t go as far as to say “better” half.
When I met Andrew he was 18 and I was 22. I know I have told the story a few times about him telling me he was older than in fact his true age. It was two weeks into the relationship when he could have told me he was a serial murder and I probably wouldn’t have batted an eye when he told me the truth. I was shocked, but still falling head over heels. When we touched I swear there was this electricity. I have heard of electricity but have never in fact had electricity in my hands when I held another’s.
Only six months into our “courtship” he asked my hand in marriage. With a ring he had to borrow money from his dad for. We didn’t have a career path, hell we barely had jobs. He was 19, I was 22. I was already a young bride once before, I knew this was too fast. I knew everyone was thinking, this will never work, I didn’t have to hear them say it to know it was being said. I knew if I were in a movie, like I often think I am, the right thing the character (me) should do is to tell him no. Let him go out and experience life and hope to meet back up. But the selfish, real me, couldn’t pass him up. I knew a love like ours wouldn’t resurface. I knew that if I denied this, although too soon, too young. I would regret it forever.
Andrew was 20 when LilyAnna Blu was born. A very young father, but in fact a VERY young father to father a special needs child. With all the statistics against us, our marriage grew. It blossomed. We spent so many hours of our lives; crying, talking and spent in a small hospital room that when most others would have cracked, ours strengthened. I always say, had we had Andi first, we never would have survived. I never understood people having kids to “save a marriage”. I think everything from hormonal pregnancy to those first few weeks of a newborn to a demanding toddler does nothing but test a marriage and even the strongest marriages can be put under some major stress. Any weakness will be exposed and possibly broken. But having Lily first taught us, strengthened us and made us who we are today.
We are that couple. The cute one that laughs together, “gets” each other, and genuinely loves each others company. Just the other night we were at a get together and he didn’t know many of the people there, but he just worked the crowd, made small talk with everyone. I watched him from across the room and felt proud. I just wanted to go up and squeeze him, but I waited until we got home. I love spending time with him. My mom was nice and watched the girls so we could go to a movie on Sunday afternoon (at the theater!) and we just had a great time. I even left some nice marks on his arms b/c Disturbia is a very suspenseful movie, btw.
Things aren’t always peaches ‘n cream, but it never is. Andrew is the love of my life. He will always be the most special person in my life who gave me the best gift of all… our kids. I think the world of him and yes I do wish he would pick up his dishes, and not leave cups of spit out sunflower seeds everywhere, but if I had to choose between him and messy or not him and clean, I’d choose him and messy any day.
So maybe the right thing for me to do 6 years ago was to tell him, “No, I won’t marry you, you need to experience the world”. But I didn’t and I will never regret that decision. Yes we are still young and he could one day say “I’m outta here”, it is a fear I have that I will probably always have, but I will never regret the years we have had. The years we will have. Plus he couldn’t afford the child support if he ever felt he needed to get “outta here”.
I love my hubby, it is cheesy and I know it, but it is true and I am still saying this after seeing his bank account online and let’s just say I am seeing red….
I know it is cheesy and cliché' but when it's right it doesn't take much effort. That is so true when it comes to my husband and me. We just get along and usually laugh and joke most of our time together. We have an ability to not let the bills get to us. The pressures of life get to us.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. He is a slob. He has done me wrong several times, but we work things out and it almost seems effortlessly. I have never run across someone, whom I thought, I bet my life would be better with him. Those thoughts don’t come into my head b/c I know my life would suck with out my other half. I won’t go as far as to say “better” half.
When I met Andrew he was 18 and I was 22. I know I have told the story a few times about him telling me he was older than in fact his true age. It was two weeks into the relationship when he could have told me he was a serial murder and I probably wouldn’t have batted an eye when he told me the truth. I was shocked, but still falling head over heels. When we touched I swear there was this electricity. I have heard of electricity but have never in fact had electricity in my hands when I held another’s.
Only six months into our “courtship” he asked my hand in marriage. With a ring he had to borrow money from his dad for. We didn’t have a career path, hell we barely had jobs. He was 19, I was 22. I was already a young bride once before, I knew this was too fast. I knew everyone was thinking, this will never work, I didn’t have to hear them say it to know it was being said. I knew if I were in a movie, like I often think I am, the right thing the character (me) should do is to tell him no. Let him go out and experience life and hope to meet back up. But the selfish, real me, couldn’t pass him up. I knew a love like ours wouldn’t resurface. I knew that if I denied this, although too soon, too young. I would regret it forever.
Andrew was 20 when LilyAnna Blu was born. A very young father, but in fact a VERY young father to father a special needs child. With all the statistics against us, our marriage grew. It blossomed. We spent so many hours of our lives; crying, talking and spent in a small hospital room that when most others would have cracked, ours strengthened. I always say, had we had Andi first, we never would have survived. I never understood people having kids to “save a marriage”. I think everything from hormonal pregnancy to those first few weeks of a newborn to a demanding toddler does nothing but test a marriage and even the strongest marriages can be put under some major stress. Any weakness will be exposed and possibly broken. But having Lily first taught us, strengthened us and made us who we are today.
We are that couple. The cute one that laughs together, “gets” each other, and genuinely loves each others company. Just the other night we were at a get together and he didn’t know many of the people there, but he just worked the crowd, made small talk with everyone. I watched him from across the room and felt proud. I just wanted to go up and squeeze him, but I waited until we got home. I love spending time with him. My mom was nice and watched the girls so we could go to a movie on Sunday afternoon (at the theater!) and we just had a great time. I even left some nice marks on his arms b/c Disturbia is a very suspenseful movie, btw.
Things aren’t always peaches ‘n cream, but it never is. Andrew is the love of my life. He will always be the most special person in my life who gave me the best gift of all… our kids. I think the world of him and yes I do wish he would pick up his dishes, and not leave cups of spit out sunflower seeds everywhere, but if I had to choose between him and messy or not him and clean, I’d choose him and messy any day.
So maybe the right thing for me to do 6 years ago was to tell him, “No, I won’t marry you, you need to experience the world”. But I didn’t and I will never regret that decision. Yes we are still young and he could one day say “I’m outta here”, it is a fear I have that I will probably always have, but I will never regret the years we have had. The years we will have. Plus he couldn’t afford the child support if he ever felt he needed to get “outta here”.
I love my hubby, it is cheesy and I know it, but it is true and I am still saying this after seeing his bank account online and let’s just say I am seeing red….
Monday, April 23, 2007
Oops I did it again
I feel bad about the cluster mess of a post I posted on Saturday. I am sure it will be misinturpreted but I don't care, really. That is what happens when I have time to think. I think. I need to download another book b/c I am thinking too much lately.
Today is Lily's super packed therapy day. I think I will send Andi to daycare so I can get some stuff done in between. Love the kid, but she really doesn't help much in the errands dept.
We go all over the town of AZ so I beter download a book. I am going to right now.
I will chat more tomorrow.
Today is Lily's super packed therapy day. I think I will send Andi to daycare so I can get some stuff done in between. Love the kid, but she really doesn't help much in the errands dept.
We go all over the town of AZ so I beter download a book. I am going to right now.
I will chat more tomorrow.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Crazy?
First off you must forgive me, this may be a rambler. This might be one of the slowest days in Closet a la Mode history and my Saturday is spent wasted. So while I sit and stare at these beautiful clothes that no one in Downtown Mesa wants to buy, my mind is racing. It's better to write than mess with that stupid impossible quiz!
I can't help but think that crazy has an opportunity to be endearing. As a totally sane person I get bored. Sometimes I think I could just be in fact crazy. Not so much crazy but weird. I like to live my life as if I am in a movie. I can't help it. I often feel "not of this world" but of a movie set. I hear music and make it as a part of my life soundtrack. I have done this ever since I was a child. I remember listening to sad music and having Barbie and Ken break up in his silver Corvette convertable looking out over the city. Ok well it really was looking out at the mess on my floor from atop my bed, but this kid had an imagination. Anyway, I would bawl as I made them break up over "could have been so beautiful" by Tiffany, that was Tiffany right? I imagined Ken had to go away to college and Barbie was staying in town. It was one of those break ups that no one wants to do but they had to do. You know tragic. The kind of break ups I imagined myself going thru but never did. They were more like, well I love you but I am not in love with you anymore. I mean, you're a great guy, but it isn't working out. You know normal break up style.
Movies like Mad Love and Crazy Beautiful show crazy people in love and it is this intense thing that is passion from the love to the fights. The guys just fall head over heels for this girl they can't "fix". I am just so, so mellow yellow (my ring tone btw).
I see people who are a little crazy have more opportunities to really live. I know to actually be crazy is not a good thing. But in my movie life that I happen to be living in, I see it as vulnerable, endearing.
You always hear men talk about loving the crazies. I have never been classified as the "crazy" one. I think most of my ex's have pretty much nice things to say about me and consider it as it is too bad it didn't work out. I am not flattering myself. I am just not one that loved hard, but also took a bat to their car.
I don't have those extremes. Yes I know I have bad moods and I can be crabby, but I have never had that rage in me that drives me to distruction. I think of the mess it will be to clean up. The cost of the repairs. The (gasp) looks I will get and what will everyone think of me?
Maybe I am not saying that I would like to be crazy but maybe just a little less responsible. I feel so in charge of every family member in my life that mine gets forgotten. Crazy means to me being forgiven for not doing your duties in life.
Maybe this is just the ramblings of every mom who isn't crazy. Who doesn't solve their problems with a bottle of Jack Daniels. The moms who know the consequences of those actions ahead of time so we never allow ourselves to make those mistakes.
Whenever you see movies or read books and the main character just has memories of their mom and they are dancing in the kitchen, she always ends up being the alcholic mom or bi polar mom. The mom that gets "put away".
Why can't there be a mom that dances while she cooks, but will also be there when the home work needs some help. Seems like there is crazy or not. Nothing in between. I want to be in between. In my movie we dance in the kitchen and we clean the house. We laughed and tickle but we also go to bed at our set bedtime.
Maybe all I am saying is it would be nice to have an excuse for not being "on" 100% of the time.
"Life is hard, after all it kills you" said Katherine Hepburn.
What a cluster f@#$ this post was......
I can't help but think that crazy has an opportunity to be endearing. As a totally sane person I get bored. Sometimes I think I could just be in fact crazy. Not so much crazy but weird. I like to live my life as if I am in a movie. I can't help it. I often feel "not of this world" but of a movie set. I hear music and make it as a part of my life soundtrack. I have done this ever since I was a child. I remember listening to sad music and having Barbie and Ken break up in his silver Corvette convertable looking out over the city. Ok well it really was looking out at the mess on my floor from atop my bed, but this kid had an imagination. Anyway, I would bawl as I made them break up over "could have been so beautiful" by Tiffany, that was Tiffany right? I imagined Ken had to go away to college and Barbie was staying in town. It was one of those break ups that no one wants to do but they had to do. You know tragic. The kind of break ups I imagined myself going thru but never did. They were more like, well I love you but I am not in love with you anymore. I mean, you're a great guy, but it isn't working out. You know normal break up style.
Movies like Mad Love and Crazy Beautiful show crazy people in love and it is this intense thing that is passion from the love to the fights. The guys just fall head over heels for this girl they can't "fix". I am just so, so mellow yellow (my ring tone btw).
I see people who are a little crazy have more opportunities to really live. I know to actually be crazy is not a good thing. But in my movie life that I happen to be living in, I see it as vulnerable, endearing.
You always hear men talk about loving the crazies. I have never been classified as the "crazy" one. I think most of my ex's have pretty much nice things to say about me and consider it as it is too bad it didn't work out. I am not flattering myself. I am just not one that loved hard, but also took a bat to their car.
I don't have those extremes. Yes I know I have bad moods and I can be crabby, but I have never had that rage in me that drives me to distruction. I think of the mess it will be to clean up. The cost of the repairs. The (gasp) looks I will get and what will everyone think of me?
Maybe I am not saying that I would like to be crazy but maybe just a little less responsible. I feel so in charge of every family member in my life that mine gets forgotten. Crazy means to me being forgiven for not doing your duties in life.
Maybe this is just the ramblings of every mom who isn't crazy. Who doesn't solve their problems with a bottle of Jack Daniels. The moms who know the consequences of those actions ahead of time so we never allow ourselves to make those mistakes.
Whenever you see movies or read books and the main character just has memories of their mom and they are dancing in the kitchen, she always ends up being the alcholic mom or bi polar mom. The mom that gets "put away".
Why can't there be a mom that dances while she cooks, but will also be there when the home work needs some help. Seems like there is crazy or not. Nothing in between. I want to be in between. In my movie we dance in the kitchen and we clean the house. We laughed and tickle but we also go to bed at our set bedtime.
Maybe all I am saying is it would be nice to have an excuse for not being "on" 100% of the time.
"Life is hard, after all it kills you" said Katherine Hepburn.
What a cluster f@#$ this post was......
Friday, April 20, 2007
JSYK (just so you know)
I spent more on my Starbucks grande white mocha this morning than I did for a full lunch at Taco Bell.
You shall have no other gods before Me
Does Louis count? I really have never had anything that was a material object that meant much but my Louis... oh my Louis.
I have a strict rule in life and that is don't pretend you are something you are not. I have done this my whole life, put my best face forward and I really ruined a lot of relationships because of it. I am a good person. But I have also not always been. I let everyone see the good Kim and leave out the bad. I even do it here, but I am getting better. I will continue to strive to accept my good attributes AS well as my bad. A part of that is not pretending. Therefore carrying a fake purse means I wish I am able to afford this purse. I cannot so I will fake it.
I bought one fake purse, carried it a couple times and then tossed it, well I sold it on Ebay... don't worry I specified it was a fake! Anyway, I understand a LOT of people sport a fake Louis and whatever that is what they want to do. BUT for me, I say if you can't afford it don't pretend you can.
Well back to Louis.... I cannot afford one, HOWEVER my mom can. And my Christmas present this year was this absolutely AWESOME denim Louis Vuitton bag. I adore this thing. I am a denim girl so this purse matches just about everything I own. I love this thing and will never part from it.
I so often tell Andrew when I have to run off for a second, "watch the kids and WATCH LOUIS!" I remember watching "Newlyweds" and Jessica Simpson took hers camping with her and wouldn't part from it. This was millions of dollars BEFORE she is at now. So it was special to her. I know that feeling. Here is a photo montage of my little guy...... oh enjoy the kids too
I have a strict rule in life and that is don't pretend you are something you are not. I have done this my whole life, put my best face forward and I really ruined a lot of relationships because of it. I am a good person. But I have also not always been. I let everyone see the good Kim and leave out the bad. I even do it here, but I am getting better. I will continue to strive to accept my good attributes AS well as my bad. A part of that is not pretending. Therefore carrying a fake purse means I wish I am able to afford this purse. I cannot so I will fake it.
I bought one fake purse, carried it a couple times and then tossed it, well I sold it on Ebay... don't worry I specified it was a fake! Anyway, I understand a LOT of people sport a fake Louis and whatever that is what they want to do. BUT for me, I say if you can't afford it don't pretend you can.
Well back to Louis.... I cannot afford one, HOWEVER my mom can. And my Christmas present this year was this absolutely AWESOME denim Louis Vuitton bag. I adore this thing. I am a denim girl so this purse matches just about everything I own. I love this thing and will never part from it.
I so often tell Andrew when I have to run off for a second, "watch the kids and WATCH LOUIS!" I remember watching "Newlyweds" and Jessica Simpson took hers camping with her and wouldn't part from it. This was millions of dollars BEFORE she is at now. So it was special to her. I know that feeling. Here is a photo montage of my little guy...... oh enjoy the kids too
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Thoughts and prayers of course
I hope you all didn't think I was some nieve idot who didn't know what happened the other side of our country this week (for me at least). It isn't that I was ignoring the fact that some psycopath killed so many innocent, it is more that I don't know what to say.
Serious issues always leaving me searching for words so sometimes it is better left unsaid.
It seems like I am shaking my head more and more asking, what is wrong with this world? Why does God let these things happen and if it is this bad, what will it be like when my kids are in school?
There were no school shootings when I was in school. The worst we had was a riot with the blacks and mexicans. We had police in with riot gear and we were stuck in 5th hour for about 2 hours. I think the worst thing that happened was a pregnant girl inhaled pepper spray. We weren't all that scared. I guess we had no idea two years later when we were off into "the real world" two kids would shake us all to our core and do the unimaginable. Then for it to happen again and again? Leaves me shaking my head.
I just wanted to share that I am grieving for our country, and those families and surviving students are in my prayers.
Serious issues always leaving me searching for words so sometimes it is better left unsaid.
It seems like I am shaking my head more and more asking, what is wrong with this world? Why does God let these things happen and if it is this bad, what will it be like when my kids are in school?
There were no school shootings when I was in school. The worst we had was a riot with the blacks and mexicans. We had police in with riot gear and we were stuck in 5th hour for about 2 hours. I think the worst thing that happened was a pregnant girl inhaled pepper spray. We weren't all that scared. I guess we had no idea two years later when we were off into "the real world" two kids would shake us all to our core and do the unimaginable. Then for it to happen again and again? Leaves me shaking my head.
I just wanted to share that I am grieving for our country, and those families and surviving students are in my prayers.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
"Are you pregnant?"
So I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was 12. My Dr. was skeptical, but my mom knew I had a goiter and I was much more tired than most kids. And wouldn't you know to the Dr.'s surprise I had hypothyroidism at the age of 12. Since that day I have seen this Dr. every three - six months of my life.
He is small, Indian (fore head not feather) and funny. Not as much ha ha as weird.
I like him though. He is like extended family. We don't all love, love our family, but they are family.
It seems though every time I come in with a complaint other than a hypothyroid complaint the answer is pregnancy. And let me tell you, he has never been correct. He embarrassed me when he asked me at 16 if I were pregnant after a complaint of passing out several times. The answer came back up in my early 20's when I brought the same complaint back up.
Well lo and behold guess what he asked me yesterday? "Are you pregnant?" he asks. "Why?" I answer. "Well you gained 5 lbs since I saw you last and pregnancy is a reason for fast weight gain" he says. "Well I spent most of 2006 with a locked jaw due to TMJ, so when I could finally eat, I eat." I answer back self assuredly.
"Well maybe you should get TMJ again" was his reply.
Ok I know some of you are going to get upset and tell me to leave his practice. But again, he is like family. He is used to seeing me skinny. He used to beg me to put on a few and I would refuse. I know I still look good. I also know I look my best minus 10 lbs, but since I don't hear Vogue banging down my door, I am not gonna worry about it. I do not need my feathers fluffed. I have a mirror. I don't mind extra curves. I don't mind being a (gasp) size 8 on a 5'11.5" frame.
I am glad that I can find the humor in this. I know it is poor bedside manor, but he has taken good care of me for 16 years now. I think I will just let it slide.
He is small, Indian (fore head not feather) and funny. Not as much ha ha as weird.
I like him though. He is like extended family. We don't all love, love our family, but they are family.
It seems though every time I come in with a complaint other than a hypothyroid complaint the answer is pregnancy. And let me tell you, he has never been correct. He embarrassed me when he asked me at 16 if I were pregnant after a complaint of passing out several times. The answer came back up in my early 20's when I brought the same complaint back up.
Well lo and behold guess what he asked me yesterday? "Are you pregnant?" he asks. "Why?" I answer. "Well you gained 5 lbs since I saw you last and pregnancy is a reason for fast weight gain" he says. "Well I spent most of 2006 with a locked jaw due to TMJ, so when I could finally eat, I eat." I answer back self assuredly.
"Well maybe you should get TMJ again" was his reply.
Ok I know some of you are going to get upset and tell me to leave his practice. But again, he is like family. He is used to seeing me skinny. He used to beg me to put on a few and I would refuse. I know I still look good. I also know I look my best minus 10 lbs, but since I don't hear Vogue banging down my door, I am not gonna worry about it. I do not need my feathers fluffed. I have a mirror. I don't mind extra curves. I don't mind being a (gasp) size 8 on a 5'11.5" frame.
I am glad that I can find the humor in this. I know it is poor bedside manor, but he has taken good care of me for 16 years now. I think I will just let it slide.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
MEME?
So I found a fun new blog and it is called Just Julie (link now on side bar)
and I found this fun little game. Let me know if you felt like playing.
The Three Effing Things Meme (I am a prude and had to change one word there, figure it out)
Three Things That Scare Me
1. Bug and Spiders (unless they can write words of wisdom in their webs)
2. The future re: Lily
3. Getting caught gossiping
Three People Who Make Me Laugh
1. Andrew
2. Marlene
3. John Heffron
Three Things I Love
1. I must put my family in here first
2. My Louis!!!!
3. Grande White Mocha
Three Things I Hate
1. Bugs and Spiders (unless the can write words of wisdom in their web)
2. Missing Sleep
3. Putting pay raises in for everyone else while my rate has stayed the same for 4 years!!!!!!!!!
Three Things I Don’t Understand
1. Geometry
2. Why it is my job to do EVERYTHING in my household
3. How to save $$$
Three Things On My (Computer) Desk
1. Pictures
2. Papers
3. More papers
Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Travel to every beach I can
2. Write a best selling Novel
3. Jake Gyllenhaal
Three Things I Can Do
1. Dress myself.... and sometimes pretty damn good too!
2. Love and I show it well
3. Hold a high moral standard for myself and not waiver
Three Things I Can’t Do
1. Run fast
2. Be quiet
3. Not spend money
Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
1. Sade Lover's Rock
2. The Movie while it is playing.... not the sound of your own voice
3. All I have to say
Three Things I’d Like To Learn
1. How to have a child that listens to everything I say
2. How to accessorize a little better with jewerly
3. How to catch a shop lifter and make them feel like the lowest life form
Three Favorite Foods:
1. Chocolate
2. Pasta
3. Cream of Asparagus Soup
Three Things I Regret
1. Serious relationships too young
2. Letting those relationships change my life course
3. Regretting those top two.... GET OVER IT!
and I found this fun little game. Let me know if you felt like playing.
The Three Effing Things Meme (I am a prude and had to change one word there, figure it out)
Three Things That Scare Me
1. Bug and Spiders (unless they can write words of wisdom in their webs)
2. The future re: Lily
3. Getting caught gossiping
Three People Who Make Me Laugh
1. Andrew
2. Marlene
3. John Heffron
Three Things I Love
1. I must put my family in here first
2. My Louis!!!!
3. Grande White Mocha
Three Things I Hate
1. Bugs and Spiders (unless the can write words of wisdom in their web)
2. Missing Sleep
3. Putting pay raises in for everyone else while my rate has stayed the same for 4 years!!!!!!!!!
Three Things I Don’t Understand
1. Geometry
2. Why it is my job to do EVERYTHING in my household
3. How to save $$$
Three Things On My (Computer) Desk
1. Pictures
2. Papers
3. More papers
Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Travel to every beach I can
2. Write a best selling Novel
3. Jake Gyllenhaal
Three Things I Can Do
1. Dress myself.... and sometimes pretty damn good too!
2. Love and I show it well
3. Hold a high moral standard for myself and not waiver
Three Things I Can’t Do
1. Run fast
2. Be quiet
3. Not spend money
Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
1. Sade Lover's Rock
2. The Movie while it is playing.... not the sound of your own voice
3. All I have to say
Three Things I’d Like To Learn
1. How to have a child that listens to everything I say
2. How to accessorize a little better with jewerly
3. How to catch a shop lifter and make them feel like the lowest life form
Three Favorite Foods:
1. Chocolate
2. Pasta
3. Cream of Asparagus Soup
Three Things I Regret
1. Serious relationships too young
2. Letting those relationships change my life course
3. Regretting those top two.... GET OVER IT!
Monday, April 16, 2007
Well Goll Darnit Anyhow...
Andrew's Grandma says that... isn't that so cute?
Last night my mom watched the girls so Andrew and I could say "party for 2!" at a sit down restauraunt. Nothing fancy just a "party of 2".
So were gone an hour and get back and the girls are cuddled with Grandma on the couch with blankets, pillows and apple juice watching Charlotte's Web. I saw the thing for 5 minutes and what part are they on? When Charlotte freaking dies and I start crying. Crying, about a spider, a spider I would step on. Sigh...
I have a no animal movie policy in my life and I stick to it very strickly. I was about in High School and after a childhood of Benji the Hunted, Where the Red Fern Grows, Turner and Hootch and Free Willy I had, had it and said No MORE! I freaking cried when Harry from the Harry and the Hendersons had to go back into the wild. It broke my heart, so no more. I think it was after HS when my sister talked me into seeing My Dog Skip. She knew my policy, but assured me it was a good movie. Oh yeah, good movie, hu? Old dog too old and sore to jump up on his buddies bed? Oh no, you got me then, but that is IT! IT, IT, IT!
I swore to never watch Charlotte's Web after reading it and watching the cartoon. And Goll Darnit Anyhow I saw the part I never wanted to see..... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Last night my mom watched the girls so Andrew and I could say "party for 2!" at a sit down restauraunt. Nothing fancy just a "party of 2".
So were gone an hour and get back and the girls are cuddled with Grandma on the couch with blankets, pillows and apple juice watching Charlotte's Web. I saw the thing for 5 minutes and what part are they on? When Charlotte freaking dies and I start crying. Crying, about a spider, a spider I would step on. Sigh...
I have a no animal movie policy in my life and I stick to it very strickly. I was about in High School and after a childhood of Benji the Hunted, Where the Red Fern Grows, Turner and Hootch and Free Willy I had, had it and said No MORE! I freaking cried when Harry from the Harry and the Hendersons had to go back into the wild. It broke my heart, so no more. I think it was after HS when my sister talked me into seeing My Dog Skip. She knew my policy, but assured me it was a good movie. Oh yeah, good movie, hu? Old dog too old and sore to jump up on his buddies bed? Oh no, you got me then, but that is IT! IT, IT, IT!
I swore to never watch Charlotte's Web after reading it and watching the cartoon. And Goll Darnit Anyhow I saw the part I never wanted to see..... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Friday, April 13, 2007
If you love someone, you have to let them go......
Dear Jake,
My sweet, sweet Jake. My special birthday buddy, my love with the big blue eyes that melt me, my love with the 5 o clock shadow that makes my temperature rise. Oh my Jake. The one that makes me blush when I awake in the morning.
Is it true? Have you found love with the beautiful and talented Ms. Witherspoon?
Oh can it be?
I know that if I love you, I need to let you go. I need to let you be with someone almost as good as myself. If there is one woman in Hollywood whom I love and look up to, it has to be Reese herself.
Oh Jake, if I only knew you had a thing for a young blonde moms....
I will let you go. Just promise me I can be #1 on your freebie list, just as you are on mine.
I will still see you in my dreams.
Love always,
Kim
My sweet, sweet Jake. My special birthday buddy, my love with the big blue eyes that melt me, my love with the 5 o clock shadow that makes my temperature rise. Oh my Jake. The one that makes me blush when I awake in the morning.
Is it true? Have you found love with the beautiful and talented Ms. Witherspoon?
Oh can it be?
I know that if I love you, I need to let you go. I need to let you be with someone almost as good as myself. If there is one woman in Hollywood whom I love and look up to, it has to be Reese herself.
Oh Jake, if I only knew you had a thing for a young blonde moms....
I will let you go. Just promise me I can be #1 on your freebie list, just as you are on mine.
I will still see you in my dreams.
Love always,
Kim
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
What a freaking waste of time!
So I got the link to THIS:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/365143
And I have been playing this freaking game off and on for 24 hours now.
I get to 60, sometimes get it right, sometimes wrong. Then you have to go thru it all again. Why am I wasting my time?
I asked my mom if she wanted the link and she said "I'd rather do scrabble or something more educational". So over rated.
Well I just wanted you all to ruin your day with this crap too.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/365143
And I have been playing this freaking game off and on for 24 hours now.
I get to 60, sometimes get it right, sometimes wrong. Then you have to go thru it all again. Why am I wasting my time?
I asked my mom if she wanted the link and she said "I'd rather do scrabble or something more educational". So over rated.
Well I just wanted you all to ruin your day with this crap too.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Baby's first real hair cut
It's 'bout time Andi got a real hair cut. Let me time line this for you.
This is the before, when I realized she needed a hair cut... or join a Nick Nolte mugshot look alike contest:
Here is During:
And All Done!
This is the before, when I realized she needed a hair cut... or join a Nick Nolte mugshot look alike contest:
Here is During:
And All Done!
Monday, April 09, 2007
Mike
I think Andi thinks if you are a man then your name is Mike. Why shouldn't she? There are, let's see in her life...
Mike her cousin, Mike the guy who owns the business with Papa, Mike that works on cars, Mike aka Pootie, Michael that is the kid of the Mike that works on cars, Mike at church, Mike she just met whom she dubbed Papa as well. Oh and there is that Michael who keeps inviting her to Neverland Ranch, but I don't think he realizes Andi is a girl.
Mike her cousin, Mike the guy who owns the business with Papa, Mike that works on cars, Mike aka Pootie, Michael that is the kid of the Mike that works on cars, Mike at church, Mike she just met whom she dubbed Papa as well. Oh and there is that Michael who keeps inviting her to Neverland Ranch, but I don't think he realizes Andi is a girl.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Happy Easter Friends
What an emotional day.
All day yesterday as I practiced my monologue I had a hard time. I was Mary talking about witnessing her son's death. I kept feeling my dear friends emotions. I feel like I was in her soul as I spoke those words. After one practice I had to go into Andi's room, alone and just sob. I kept my emotions in b/c I have been busy. But the words I had to speak cut me in half.
The good thing was I think I had my all time best performance. The problem was I was so involved in the character I really flubbed my lines. I needed a cue 3 x! 3x! I have never once ever had a cue. Ever. It was over whelming. I just feel like I botched the whole thing! I did get some nice compliments, but when you feel you sucked, nothing can change that.
We spent the day at my moms with my sister, her family and my aunt and hers. That is actually a lot of people since everyone has a million kids. We laughed, played games but I still some how was left feeling empty.
I came home, we ate some thing. Andi played with her Easter stuff and I just feel a sickness in the pit of my stomach.
It seems pregnant people are popping up everywhere and it all seems unfair.
Unfixable things just suck.
All day yesterday as I practiced my monologue I had a hard time. I was Mary talking about witnessing her son's death. I kept feeling my dear friends emotions. I feel like I was in her soul as I spoke those words. After one practice I had to go into Andi's room, alone and just sob. I kept my emotions in b/c I have been busy. But the words I had to speak cut me in half.
The good thing was I think I had my all time best performance. The problem was I was so involved in the character I really flubbed my lines. I needed a cue 3 x! 3x! I have never once ever had a cue. Ever. It was over whelming. I just feel like I botched the whole thing! I did get some nice compliments, but when you feel you sucked, nothing can change that.
We spent the day at my moms with my sister, her family and my aunt and hers. That is actually a lot of people since everyone has a million kids. We laughed, played games but I still some how was left feeling empty.
I came home, we ate some thing. Andi played with her Easter stuff and I just feel a sickness in the pit of my stomach.
It seems pregnant people are popping up everywhere and it all seems unfair.
Unfixable things just suck.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Do I dare try to talk....
I am with a sad, heavy heart right now. My dear friend gave birth and lost her son that same day. He died during delivery. He was apparently beautiful. The nurse said most "Potter's" babies don't look like he did. He was 2lb 10oz and looked like his late Grandmother.
I am not sure what my next course of action is to be. Send a card, flowers. How do I mend her heart?
This is the same woman who was once a little girl, a very accident prone little girl. She happened to trip over my diving board and had to be taken for stitches in her eye brow, back when we were kids. My mom said she could hear her screaming from the waiting room.
She is the same girl who I was excited to see every Sunday. We couldn't wait for church to be over and run to the back of the building where there was green overgrowth everywhere. And there we would find our very own Pete's Dragon. We would talk and play with him as if he was really there physically, not just in spirit.
The same girl that would come over and we would make movies, real movies with scripts and all. TV commercials where she sat in a chair with a neck brace we found in my costume closet and said "the driver hit me so hard, I couldn't move my neck" then she proceeded to talk about some law office we found in the yellow pages.
The same girl who was my bride’s maid in my first wedding, and the same girl I was in hers.
The same girl I prayed for during her miscarriage and was over the moon when I found out she was pregnant again and it was going great.
I just can't imagine going in for that exciting 20 week ultrasound, wanting to know what the sex will be and then hearing, something is wrong and then that is it. Nothing but pain and sorrow.
Just three weeks ago I saw her in a wedding, dancing. Laughing, even though she knew what was ahead of her. That is the way this woman is. Full of life! Such an amazing person who lit up her world. I can only imagine now her light will be dimmer. And who can blame her.
Please keep her in your thought and prayers. Now every year Easter will take a whole new meaning. I just pray her faith can take her thru this. She is far stronger than I have ever been and will ever be.
Peace be with you little sweet baby boy.
I am not sure what my next course of action is to be. Send a card, flowers. How do I mend her heart?
This is the same woman who was once a little girl, a very accident prone little girl. She happened to trip over my diving board and had to be taken for stitches in her eye brow, back when we were kids. My mom said she could hear her screaming from the waiting room.
She is the same girl who I was excited to see every Sunday. We couldn't wait for church to be over and run to the back of the building where there was green overgrowth everywhere. And there we would find our very own Pete's Dragon. We would talk and play with him as if he was really there physically, not just in spirit.
The same girl that would come over and we would make movies, real movies with scripts and all. TV commercials where she sat in a chair with a neck brace we found in my costume closet and said "the driver hit me so hard, I couldn't move my neck" then she proceeded to talk about some law office we found in the yellow pages.
The same girl who was my bride’s maid in my first wedding, and the same girl I was in hers.
The same girl I prayed for during her miscarriage and was over the moon when I found out she was pregnant again and it was going great.
I just can't imagine going in for that exciting 20 week ultrasound, wanting to know what the sex will be and then hearing, something is wrong and then that is it. Nothing but pain and sorrow.
Just three weeks ago I saw her in a wedding, dancing. Laughing, even though she knew what was ahead of her. That is the way this woman is. Full of life! Such an amazing person who lit up her world. I can only imagine now her light will be dimmer. And who can blame her.
Please keep her in your thought and prayers. Now every year Easter will take a whole new meaning. I just pray her faith can take her thru this. She is far stronger than I have ever been and will ever be.
Peace be with you little sweet baby boy.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Kindergarten.......
I just C&P this from Lily's site. It is important.
So I went to visit the school Lily will attend for next year today. I have been anticipating this, sweating over this and last night, loosing sleep over this, and well I am happy to say all for nothing. I mean, transitioning will break my heart. It will cut me to the core and that last day of school, God help me is a Wednesday, payroll day, I don't know how I will walk out of that place let alone go back to work and pay 300 people. Correctly, I should add. But the new place isn't near as bad as I anticipated and it was almost actually ideal. Ideal would be staying at FBC with Mrs. Jean for another 18 years, so this is the second best. I really liked the teacher, who we happened to fly together and talk a couple years back. Small world, I know! She has a good philosophy and seems to really love the kids. They divide the kids not by age but by skill which to me makes me more comfortable. Lily will be in a class with kids similar to her skill wise. Almost all kids in her class are non verbal, that doesn't mean quiet, just non word speaking. They use communication adapted equipment and they go thru the same motions other classes go thru. She will go on field trips once a month! Eat out in the community. She will have a "buddy", someone her age to go to other classes with, when we are ready to integrate her more.
I really feel I can take a big sigh of relief. I had a good team of support this morning, Andrew, Mrs. Jean, the school psychologist and the district vision specialist. And now we have a good idea of exactly what needs to be in the IEP we are filling out soon. Of course Mrs. Jean will be there when we fill it out so we’ll be sure that the classroom is perfectly adapted for my Lily girl and make the appropriate goals she needs to push her, but not too hard. I am such a softie. I thought all the kids were just adorable! All of them doing what they can, it is funny, when Lily was a baby and we attended Infant Program at the FBC I was scared to look at the Preschool. I was scared to look into our future. Having a baby you don't know what way she will grow, but knowing in your heart it won't be "normal", seeing your future is frightful. But today, it wasn't. I thought the kids were all so cute. Even the little trouble maker that I think comes with his name. The two beautiful girls, one with a long pony tail and huge smile who walks and speaks a little and the other who spins everywhere and likes to touch people. The little guy taking assisted steps with his AFO's and the big guy in his chair elevated back taking it all in. There were 9 all together, one teacher and three aides. Not a bad student to teacher ratio, I don't think.
I think this is a good thing. If we HAVE to move on, then this is the right move. I pray it is.
Tomorrow is Farm Day. Farm Day is the best! I know both girls will have a blast, as long as we remember the sun screen! It will be a scorcher! It is summertime here in AZ!
So I went to visit the school Lily will attend for next year today. I have been anticipating this, sweating over this and last night, loosing sleep over this, and well I am happy to say all for nothing. I mean, transitioning will break my heart. It will cut me to the core and that last day of school, God help me is a Wednesday, payroll day, I don't know how I will walk out of that place let alone go back to work and pay 300 people. Correctly, I should add. But the new place isn't near as bad as I anticipated and it was almost actually ideal. Ideal would be staying at FBC with Mrs. Jean for another 18 years, so this is the second best. I really liked the teacher, who we happened to fly together and talk a couple years back. Small world, I know! She has a good philosophy and seems to really love the kids. They divide the kids not by age but by skill which to me makes me more comfortable. Lily will be in a class with kids similar to her skill wise. Almost all kids in her class are non verbal, that doesn't mean quiet, just non word speaking. They use communication adapted equipment and they go thru the same motions other classes go thru. She will go on field trips once a month! Eat out in the community. She will have a "buddy", someone her age to go to other classes with, when we are ready to integrate her more.
I really feel I can take a big sigh of relief. I had a good team of support this morning, Andrew, Mrs. Jean, the school psychologist and the district vision specialist. And now we have a good idea of exactly what needs to be in the IEP we are filling out soon. Of course Mrs. Jean will be there when we fill it out so we’ll be sure that the classroom is perfectly adapted for my Lily girl and make the appropriate goals she needs to push her, but not too hard. I am such a softie. I thought all the kids were just adorable! All of them doing what they can, it is funny, when Lily was a baby and we attended Infant Program at the FBC I was scared to look at the Preschool. I was scared to look into our future. Having a baby you don't know what way she will grow, but knowing in your heart it won't be "normal", seeing your future is frightful. But today, it wasn't. I thought the kids were all so cute. Even the little trouble maker that I think comes with his name. The two beautiful girls, one with a long pony tail and huge smile who walks and speaks a little and the other who spins everywhere and likes to touch people. The little guy taking assisted steps with his AFO's and the big guy in his chair elevated back taking it all in. There were 9 all together, one teacher and three aides. Not a bad student to teacher ratio, I don't think.
I think this is a good thing. If we HAVE to move on, then this is the right move. I pray it is.
Tomorrow is Farm Day. Farm Day is the best! I know both girls will have a blast, as long as we remember the sun screen! It will be a scorcher! It is summertime here in AZ!
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Bipolar?
Annon says they first thought I was bipolar... what? are you crazy? I'll kill you.
Just kidding, want to go for ice cream? :)
So I just got this script for Sunday morning, Easter Sunday. I have to be Mary, mother of Jesus. A 60 (!) year old woman who is first mourning her son’s death, and then rejoicing in his resurrection. Um... can we say stretch? First off, today is Tuesday. This thing is about a page in a half. It's freaking long! Memorized! You know that means no $20 Vanishing Acts for me this week. Don't worry AKA_Merrit, some jeans I sold on Ebay paid for the $20 book. Plus my sister and I trade books so it really isn't that bad. Well, ok maybe it is, but oh never mind....
Just kidding, want to go for ice cream? :)
So I just got this script for Sunday morning, Easter Sunday. I have to be Mary, mother of Jesus. A 60 (!) year old woman who is first mourning her son’s death, and then rejoicing in his resurrection. Um... can we say stretch? First off, today is Tuesday. This thing is about a page in a half. It's freaking long! Memorized! You know that means no $20 Vanishing Acts for me this week. Don't worry AKA_Merrit, some jeans I sold on Ebay paid for the $20 book. Plus my sister and I trade books so it really isn't that bad. Well, ok maybe it is, but oh never mind....
Monday, April 02, 2007
Now I remember
Ok I knew there was a reason that my inability to be pleased was even brought up. It came back to me when I started yet another Jodi Piccoult novel on my Ipod Shuffle.
Let me take you back to when my addiction began. My sister downloaded "Rise and Shine" by Anna Quindlen onto my Shuffle and I began to listen. At first I didn't start listening because I thought how do I have time to have a blank head. Then I had some time during one of Lily's therapies and tried it out. Then it was Elmo in the car for the girls and Ipod for mommy. It was my friend at the grocery store, coffee shop and every Dr./therapy appointment we had. The first book was narriated by a woman and I didn't like her voice. The book was in first person, so the narriator got named Beverly, naturally. The book only took me a few days, it was on the short side and like an addict I was feaning for more. I got super lucky and downloaded 19 Minutes, Jodi Piccoult for only $9.99 because it was brand new, I guess. Most books are over $20 to download.
So I start 19 minutes and freaking Beverly is narriating again. I just got over her, I hear her as Beverly and again, I don't really like her voice. It's raspy and New York(y). It fit Beverly well, but I don't know... so I listen every day for 13 days and get thru 21 hours of a wonderful novel that had my totally on the edge, the entire time. Still called the narriator Beverly. And still not loving her.
So like an addict I need more. Well I needed a break first, then I needed more. After a long weekend break I then/now got "Vanishing Act" Jodi Picoult. We have our busy three therapy Monday so I put my comfy ear phones in that seem to be a part of me now and wait... where is Beverly? This sugar sweet talking, Rene Zellweger sounding lady was not Beverly. How can I listen without Beverly? I miss Beverly.
So I go to my sister who has heard every book before me and I just said, "I miss Beverly" and she said "but you don't like Beverly". And then I realized THAT was what I was going with in my blog.
Let me take you back to when my addiction began. My sister downloaded "Rise and Shine" by Anna Quindlen onto my Shuffle and I began to listen. At first I didn't start listening because I thought how do I have time to have a blank head. Then I had some time during one of Lily's therapies and tried it out. Then it was Elmo in the car for the girls and Ipod for mommy. It was my friend at the grocery store, coffee shop and every Dr./therapy appointment we had. The first book was narriated by a woman and I didn't like her voice. The book was in first person, so the narriator got named Beverly, naturally. The book only took me a few days, it was on the short side and like an addict I was feaning for more. I got super lucky and downloaded 19 Minutes, Jodi Piccoult for only $9.99 because it was brand new, I guess. Most books are over $20 to download.
So I start 19 minutes and freaking Beverly is narriating again. I just got over her, I hear her as Beverly and again, I don't really like her voice. It's raspy and New York(y). It fit Beverly well, but I don't know... so I listen every day for 13 days and get thru 21 hours of a wonderful novel that had my totally on the edge, the entire time. Still called the narriator Beverly. And still not loving her.
So like an addict I need more. Well I needed a break first, then I needed more. After a long weekend break I then/now got "Vanishing Act" Jodi Picoult. We have our busy three therapy Monday so I put my comfy ear phones in that seem to be a part of me now and wait... where is Beverly? This sugar sweet talking, Rene Zellweger sounding lady was not Beverly. How can I listen without Beverly? I miss Beverly.
So I go to my sister who has heard every book before me and I just said, "I miss Beverly" and she said "but you don't like Beverly". And then I realized THAT was what I was going with in my blog.
Come here, no get away, no come here
So in reflection of my past posts I started to realize. I am a very hard to please person. I already know this, not just knowing personally, but also hearing about it.
I think it could be my extreme mood swings. I mean last week I woke up, I think it was a Tuesday, and there was nothing taking me out of my mood. I mean pure grumptum. Like Oscar had nothing on me. Then the next day, I am like Suzy the sunshine maker. Likes to talk on the phone, loves to laugh and make jokes.
But on my grumptum days (yes I made up a word, spell check, deal with it!), I am impossible to please. Like scary almost.
I am ok with this, I am sure everyone else, not so much. But thinking about how I handle comments on Lily made me realize I don't think I am pleased by any response.
I think about how upset I got at people in my life when we were in the hospital all the time and it was few and far between people who would come by. Then I think when someone did come by I was in a bad mood and probably not too pleasant. Or when they would call and say "what can I do", I'd simply say "nothing". Maybe it was fear of appearing weak and unable to handle it all on my own. Maybe fear that I would explode into tears anytime anyone got too close and saw how I was really feeling. That again would give me the appearance of weakness.
But looking back on all those stays it is the people who surprised me that pleased me the most. The ones who came by without asking. The ones who came by, and just sat with us. The ones who brought things that they thought I would need and boy did I. People who came by who I am sure felt uncomfortable, but did it anyhow. Who came several times. Who took time out of their busy schedules. Those who sat with Lily that gave me and Andrew a little break to go to the cafeteria, or to get a shower.
Lily was hospitalized I think about 8 times (although I really have no clue the exact number) and with her surgery lasting 10 days in a little cell of a room. I don't have a right to criticize those who listened to me, but I do have the right to have extreme admiration for those who went above and beyond. I unfortunatly never told those who did so. I may never. It is a character flaw. I know it.
But back to my unpleasable self. I can't help it. I will work on it. I know I feel most sorry for those closest to me.
"Here fold this laundry, no, not like that".
"Here, feed Lily, no not like that!"
"Take care of your daughter, not like that!"
"How was my day? Fine, I guess."
"You like my shirt? I got it for like $10 it's cheap."
"You think my kid is cute? Is that because of her wheelchair or in spite of it".
You see my point. I really don't mind this about me, but like I said life isn't all about me. I will work on this. Maybe I will be challanged on this and come back to you all with a good example of NOT doing this.
I think it could be my extreme mood swings. I mean last week I woke up, I think it was a Tuesday, and there was nothing taking me out of my mood. I mean pure grumptum. Like Oscar had nothing on me. Then the next day, I am like Suzy the sunshine maker. Likes to talk on the phone, loves to laugh and make jokes.
But on my grumptum days (yes I made up a word, spell check, deal with it!), I am impossible to please. Like scary almost.
I am ok with this, I am sure everyone else, not so much. But thinking about how I handle comments on Lily made me realize I don't think I am pleased by any response.
I think about how upset I got at people in my life when we were in the hospital all the time and it was few and far between people who would come by. Then I think when someone did come by I was in a bad mood and probably not too pleasant. Or when they would call and say "what can I do", I'd simply say "nothing". Maybe it was fear of appearing weak and unable to handle it all on my own. Maybe fear that I would explode into tears anytime anyone got too close and saw how I was really feeling. That again would give me the appearance of weakness.
But looking back on all those stays it is the people who surprised me that pleased me the most. The ones who came by without asking. The ones who came by, and just sat with us. The ones who brought things that they thought I would need and boy did I. People who came by who I am sure felt uncomfortable, but did it anyhow. Who came several times. Who took time out of their busy schedules. Those who sat with Lily that gave me and Andrew a little break to go to the cafeteria, or to get a shower.
Lily was hospitalized I think about 8 times (although I really have no clue the exact number) and with her surgery lasting 10 days in a little cell of a room. I don't have a right to criticize those who listened to me, but I do have the right to have extreme admiration for those who went above and beyond. I unfortunatly never told those who did so. I may never. It is a character flaw. I know it.
But back to my unpleasable self. I can't help it. I will work on it. I know I feel most sorry for those closest to me.
"Here fold this laundry, no, not like that".
"Here, feed Lily, no not like that!"
"Take care of your daughter, not like that!"
"How was my day? Fine, I guess."
"You like my shirt? I got it for like $10 it's cheap."
"You think my kid is cute? Is that because of her wheelchair or in spite of it".
You see my point. I really don't mind this about me, but like I said life isn't all about me. I will work on this. Maybe I will be challanged on this and come back to you all with a good example of NOT doing this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
