Come here, no get away, no come here

So in reflection of my past posts I started to realize. I am a very hard to please person. I already know this, not just knowing personally, but also hearing about it.
I think it could be my extreme mood swings. I mean last week I woke up, I think it was a Tuesday, and there was nothing taking me out of my mood. I mean pure grumptum. Like Oscar had nothing on me. Then the next day, I am like Suzy the sunshine maker. Likes to talk on the phone, loves to laugh and make jokes.
But on my grumptum days (yes I made up a word, spell check, deal with it!), I am impossible to please. Like scary almost.
I am ok with this, I am sure everyone else, not so much. But thinking about how I handle comments on Lily made me realize I don't think I am pleased by any response.
I think about how upset I got at people in my life when we were in the hospital all the time and it was few and far between people who would come by. Then I think when someone did come by I was in a bad mood and probably not too pleasant. Or when they would call and say "what can I do", I'd simply say "nothing". Maybe it was fear of appearing weak and unable to handle it all on my own. Maybe fear that I would explode into tears anytime anyone got too close and saw how I was really feeling. That again would give me the appearance of weakness.
But looking back on all those stays it is the people who surprised me that pleased me the most. The ones who came by without asking. The ones who came by, and just sat with us. The ones who brought things that they thought I would need and boy did I. People who came by who I am sure felt uncomfortable, but did it anyhow. Who came several times. Who took time out of their busy schedules. Those who sat with Lily that gave me and Andrew a little break to go to the cafeteria, or to get a shower.
Lily was hospitalized I think about 8 times (although I really have no clue the exact number) and with her surgery lasting 10 days in a little cell of a room. I don't have a right to criticize those who listened to me, but I do have the right to have extreme admiration for those who went above and beyond. I unfortunatly never told those who did so. I may never. It is a character flaw. I know it.
But back to my unpleasable self. I can't help it. I will work on it. I know I feel most sorry for those closest to me.
"Here fold this laundry, no, not like that".
"Here, feed Lily, no not like that!"
"Take care of your daughter, not like that!"
"How was my day? Fine, I guess."
"You like my shirt? I got it for like $10 it's cheap."
"You think my kid is cute? Is that because of her wheelchair or in spite of it".
You see my point. I really don't mind this about me, but like I said life isn't all about me. I will work on this. Maybe I will be challanged on this and come back to you all with a good example of NOT doing this.