Crazy?

First off you must forgive me, this may be a rambler. This might be one of the slowest days in Closet a la Mode history and my Saturday is spent wasted. So while I sit and stare at these beautiful clothes that no one in Downtown Mesa wants to buy, my mind is racing. It's better to write than mess with that stupid impossible quiz!

I can't help but think that crazy has an opportunity to be endearing. As a totally sane person I get bored. Sometimes I think I could just be in fact crazy. Not so much crazy but weird. I like to live my life as if I am in a movie. I can't help it. I often feel "not of this world" but of a movie set. I hear music and make it as a part of my life soundtrack. I have done this ever since I was a child. I remember listening to sad music and having Barbie and Ken break up in his silver Corvette convertable looking out over the city. Ok well it really was looking out at the mess on my floor from atop my bed, but this kid had an imagination. Anyway, I would bawl as I made them break up over "could have been so beautiful" by Tiffany, that was Tiffany right? I imagined Ken had to go away to college and Barbie was staying in town. It was one of those break ups that no one wants to do but they had to do. You know tragic. The kind of break ups I imagined myself going thru but never did. They were more like, well I love you but I am not in love with you anymore. I mean, you're a great guy, but it isn't working out. You know normal break up style.

Movies like Mad Love and Crazy Beautiful show crazy people in love and it is this intense thing that is passion from the love to the fights. The guys just fall head over heels for this girl they can't "fix". I am just so, so mellow yellow (my ring tone btw).

I see people who are a little crazy have more opportunities to really live. I know to actually be crazy is not a good thing. But in my movie life that I happen to be living in, I see it as vulnerable, endearing.
You always hear men talk about loving the crazies. I have never been classified as the "crazy" one. I think most of my ex's have pretty much nice things to say about me and consider it as it is too bad it didn't work out. I am not flattering myself. I am just not one that loved hard, but also took a bat to their car.
I don't have those extremes. Yes I know I have bad moods and I can be crabby, but I have never had that rage in me that drives me to distruction. I think of the mess it will be to clean up. The cost of the repairs. The (gasp) looks I will get and what will everyone think of me?

Maybe I am not saying that I would like to be crazy but maybe just a little less responsible. I feel so in charge of every family member in my life that mine gets forgotten. Crazy means to me being forgiven for not doing your duties in life.
Maybe this is just the ramblings of every mom who isn't crazy. Who doesn't solve their problems with a bottle of Jack Daniels. The moms who know the consequences of those actions ahead of time so we never allow ourselves to make those mistakes.

Whenever you see movies or read books and the main character just has memories of their mom and they are dancing in the kitchen, she always ends up being the alcholic mom or bi polar mom. The mom that gets "put away".
Why can't there be a mom that dances while she cooks, but will also be there when the home work needs some help. Seems like there is crazy or not. Nothing in between. I want to be in between. In my movie we dance in the kitchen and we clean the house. We laughed and tickle but we also go to bed at our set bedtime.

Maybe all I am saying is it would be nice to have an excuse for not being "on" 100% of the time.

"Life is hard, after all it kills you" said Katherine Hepburn.

What a cluster f@#$ this post was......