454 ....wish we could have left it on a better number

When I started this blog…not this blog exactly, I had a blog on tripod before I moved over to blogspot that I deleted when I got confronted on something I wrote. I got pissed and reacted, and deleted. Dumb move, I had some good stuff written lost in cyberworld, but we live and we learn. I named the blog “From the Runway to Diapers” because that is exactly what I felt my life had gone from. I was no longer wearing Channel and walking the runway in stilettos. I was at home, I was up to my ears in diapers and my days of fashion were long behind me. I was very raw in the beginning. Actually I technically started “blogging” before I knew that word. I kept a journal on Lily’s site that started when she was a few months old. That went from cheery in the beginning trying to be positive to getting real pretty quick. I was often struggling with what my life had become and I pretty much made that clear. I didn’t want to be spending my babies infancy in the hospital, with therapists, at a place for blind children, I didn’t want any of it and my heart was constantly broken it seemed. Then I started telling stories unrelated to Lily on her site, mostly about Andi, or my hair, or clothes, or how my life tends to look like a sitcom from time to time and that is when I decided to leave Lily’s site all about Lily and make a blog about whatever was on my mind at the time. Well that got me in trouble and it took a few occasions where I put my foot in my mouth to learn the ropes to blogging. If you want to get along with the people in your life, you don’t hit the post button until you are good and sure you are ready to. I still like to keep Lily’s blog real and I get the most responses from other special needs parents thanking me for doing so. Pretending that having a special needs child is wonderful all the time and never complaining is unreal and people like to see that. So here I am 7 years later with two blogs up and running. And to even have one named from the Runway to Diapers seems a bit off now. It’s like Kathy Lee saying on the Today Show she is coming off the heels of Live with Regis and Kathy Lee, when we all know Regis has been with Kelly longer than he was ever with Kathy Lee. That is neither here nor there. I am so far from the runway it’s more like from the highway that a runway. I haven’t walked the runway in 7 years. I haven’t had Sonia Kashuk do my make up since I was 16 years old. My most fashionable piece I have is probably from Target. I have more chances of being on More to Love than America’s Next Top Model. Put a fork in me. I’m done. Besides keeping up with two blogs, three kids and a job from home?! Ha! Every post is half ass and my priority is Lily’s blog. More readers, more important stuff BUT it doesn’t mean my silliness randomness has to stop. Of course not, we’re going back to old school. Where I started. Lily’s blog will be my blog. It will be where you get your Lily updates, but also my stories about locking the kids in the car and having the fire dept come rescue me. Or read all about my American Idol obsession. It will all be in one place and the name will change. Same place, but I will be doing some changing. I gave this the ole college try, and for someone who took First Aid at Community College as her only class one semester…..I lasted pretty long!
This is where I'll be

Nice to meet you...

Having a special needs child makes even the most mundane conversations a little bit more complicated.
I go out and about with Andi Jane and Oliver a lot. We really don’t do well stuck at home all day long. So while we are out and about I run into other moms and I am a talker. I tend to chat it up with a new mom every time I step out of the house. I enjoy meeting other people and feel like I am making up for all those years of being a bit nerdy and stuck in a friend rut with the same friends forever (whom all I still love J).
But it is never uncomplicated. I will start talking about their kids and they’ll ask about mine. They ask if they are my only two and then things get complicated. I can either be very evasive which I tend to do, but for some reasons the questions never stop at just how old is your oldest. Then they have to ask how helpful she is with her younger siblings. Or about how I like 2nd grade homework. Or my child goes to that school, who’s your daughter’s teacher? I don’t like to play poor me and tell strangers all about Lily. Honestly I kind of like it when the conversation stops at telling them her age and name. In their mind I have a 2nd grader named Lily whom they assume plays sports and brings home homework. I shouldn’t even have to explain that I am not ashamed of Lily. Not one bit. But sometimes pretending to be “normal” is so much easier. Whenever I have to say, well she’s in special ed. She’s special needs. She’s in a wheelchair. Then the conversation makes a u turn. I get pity sometimes. Sometimes I get unnecessary kudos. The mom starts to feel like we are on different playing fields and we aren’t. The mom isn’t doing anything wrong, it is just a reaction that happens and it changes me in their eyes.
I appear to become super mom and I am so far from it.
Mothering Lily is so easy. I love her so I do what I need to do. Any other mom would do the same. Hell a lot of them would do it a whole lot better than me.
Sometimes I wonder what kind of mom would I have been if Lily were a sport playing, home work doing 2nd grader, but really I don’t think I would be that different. Maybe I am kidding myself. Maybe I am not. It’s something I will never know. I know Lily made me grow up quickly and that is something that may have not had happened, but I think my genuine character is still here, always has been. I think I have become an updated version of me. Like a Kim 5.0.
This new version likes making new friends and meeting new people. So I guess even if it does cause conversations to get more complicated than I’d like when talking to strangers, I just have to deal. Besides maybe I just need to take that kudos and say thanks.
I mean, why not.

Head Wound Harry

Andi: Mom why are you taking a picture of my prince?
Me: Because he looks like Head Wound Harry
Andi: He's not Headwooned Harry mom, he is a prince.
Me: I think he looks like Head Wound Harry
Andi: Ok well then can we call him Prince Headwooned Harry?
Me: Deal

Oh Really??

I've mentioned awhile back about my loss of my one and only blackberry. I miss her so. It seems to be rubbed in my face lately and I don't take it lightly.
My dad yesterday asked me what my high score on brick breaker was... ahem... no brick breaker, dad.
My BFF was telling me how she could spend all day on hers.
Last night hubby said "did you know that there is an app for my blackberry that acts as a radar detector?"
"Oh really? Want to know what app my phone has? Someone dials my number and it rings."

8 years of pure romance

8 year anniversary and we wanted to celebrate in style! Mom came over to watch the kids and we went to The Melting Pot. Yum, yum, yum! That is our place for celebration. Almost every birthday and anniversary is spent there, plus our family’s grocery money. That’s ok; we survive the rest of the week on mac and cheese.
I got home at 5:45pm from picking Andi from pre k, then taking her to gymnastics. It’s 110 outside. I get home, no time to shower or shave. I take out my braids I wore (on purpose) and let my hair down, nice waves. Put on some mascara, blush and lip gloss. Tell my mom the run down for the kids, nursed Oliver and we are out the door 15 minutes late. Apparently amongst my amuck, my husband took two Advil migraines. He didn’t even have a migraine.
We get to the restaurant. They put us in the closed in booth with the curtains. Not my fav, I am more of a people watcher, but bring on the romance. We order wine. We get our cheese. (My favorite!) I dig in. Hubby, not so much. He is eating slow. We are talking, having a nice time. Salads come. I eat my entire salad. Hubby pushes the fork around, and that was it. Then the main course. I eat. Hubby insisted on the more expensive lobster meal and there the lobster sits. Uneaten. I ask for the cocktail sauce, they no longer have it. I eat. Andrew doesn’t. Head in hands. He is sweating. He thinks he may vomit. He continues with head in hands. I eat.
Dessert comes. Banana foster chocolate dip. I eat. And eat. Andrew touches one banana and holds head in hand. I get the bill. Pay. Wish I spent $150 on a cute outfit. I have to drive and then I have to fill the car with gas.
I tell you what though, I am pretty darn sure we will have many many more anniversaries and I will make sure he does not try to be proactive and prevent another head ache again.
Still love you babe and can’t wait to get my massage! Best gift ever!!

Jon and Kate not so Great

Andi crawled into my bed around 6 am, snuggled in, kissed my cheek and then asked to "watch her show". I grumble, rub my eyes and say "what channel?" "the baby show" so I turn on TLC and I roll over and fall back to sleep. Andi doesn't care what show it is as long as some woman is pushing a baby thru her hiney hole she is thrilled. An hour passes and Andi wakes me up again. I see that Baby Story is over and Jon and Kate Plus 8 is on. Andi says "mommy can you change the channel, I don't like this show?" "why don't you like this show?" "because there are too many kids and they are winy". "You wanna know what Andi? I totally agree".

My Status

On Facebook I always update my status and this is one I was thinking of doing but wasn't sure if many would understand.
This is my status today:
Sad that Andi Jane's husband broke two bones, glad that he has no cavities, sad that he is in Africa and Andi Jane has to fly there to be with him, happy that Andi Jane is 31 and now older than me and sad that her husband is 77.
And very happy to have a child with an imagination like that.