Head Wound Harry

Andi: Mom why are you taking a picture of my prince?
Me: Because he looks like Head Wound Harry
Andi: He's not Headwooned Harry mom, he is a prince.
Me: I think he looks like Head Wound Harry
Andi: Ok well then can we call him Prince Headwooned Harry?
Me: Deal

Jon and Kate not so Great

Andi crawled into my bed around 6 am, snuggled in, kissed my cheek and then asked to "watch her show". I grumble, rub my eyes and say "what channel?" "the baby show" so I turn on TLC and I roll over and fall back to sleep. Andi doesn't care what show it is as long as some woman is pushing a baby thru her hiney hole she is thrilled. An hour passes and Andi wakes me up again. I see that Baby Story is over and Jon and Kate Plus 8 is on. Andi says "mommy can you change the channel, I don't like this show?" "why don't you like this show?" "because there are too many kids and they are winy". "You wanna know what Andi? I totally agree".

My Status

On Facebook I always update my status and this is one I was thinking of doing but wasn't sure if many would understand.
This is my status today:
Sad that Andi Jane's husband broke two bones, glad that he has no cavities, sad that he is in Africa and Andi Jane has to fly there to be with him, happy that Andi Jane is 31 and now older than me and sad that her husband is 77.
And very happy to have a child with an imagination like that.

Spunky Andi

Why do I need to think of something to say when I can just repeat what my 4 year old says...

Andi had a shirt on with a word on the back
Andi: This shirt says barbie dot com
Mom: No it doesn't
Andi: What does it say then?
Mom: Guess (as in the brand)
Andi: See I told you it said barbie dot com


Andi: Mommy
Mom: Yes
Andi: On my birthday when I turn 5 can it be a surprise party?
Mom: Sure

For financial reasons we had to pull Andi out of pre k so these are the conversations we have all. day. long.

I'm a mom

It's Andi's 4th birthday today and she has been attending a spring break camp at her gymnastics gym, I sent her with 2 dozen cupcakes in tupperware to celebrate. I felt a bit panicky about not getting my tupperware back and decided to write our name on them. Then I realized, I am totally a mom. It didn't take me having 3 kids to realize it, it just took some tupperware.

Is it Tuesday yet?

Is it bad that I cannot wait to sit and print page after page then fold, address and mail them over and over again tomorrow as opposed to stay home one more day with Andi? I know it sounds awful, but if I didn't get three days a week to work and she goes to school, I would be far more aged than I already am.
It is exhausting raising this child. She refuses to nap. I can get her to lay down after fighting for an hour, but I can't physically make her fall asleep... well legally I can't.
Our car rides she makes demands that are not feasible while I am driving. When did I ever manage to fix head phones, take off shoes, smell stinky feet, put on Mama Mia (for the 80th time), grab a pencil, no not that one the princess one, no that is Ariel, I want Jasmine.... I guess I should be able to steer with my toes while me and my large belly are turned around attempting to please each request, while texting. The funny thing is, I always say "when I stop". I always say that and I always follow thru with that, yet she seems to think every time she requests the answer will change, then of course when I don't take off Lily's shoes so she can try them on, she screams and cries and then throws something at me. I tell her each time you throw something at me it tells me you do not want it and I will throw it away. And I do. Today it was a doll car seat. And then more screaming and crying. Just one thing after the other. Kibberts watched her this morning so I could take Lily to horse therapy and have speech at home, then I got her and from the minute I picked her up she has been nothing but a brat. She threw a tantrum on the way to music therapy. Was fine there. Then threw a fit on the way home. She sassed me while at home and after screaming (on my part) now she is lying down, but every time I go in and look at her, she is wide awake.
Then when I left Lily's lunch on the couch to wipe Andi's poopy butt, the freaking idiot dog that I can't stand ate Lily's burger. More screaming.
I am sure baby Ollie is afraid to come out of my tummy because he knows that he'll be screamed at too.....
I hate this. I hate fighting. I hate yelling.
Why must she always be on volume 10?
Sigh.
Frustrated and still sleep deprived...

"Oh I need a drink"

The Devil wears Stride Rite

Andrew: "I really think Andi should be a devil for Halloween."
Me: "That's mean"
Andrew: "No really, it is perfect for her."
Me: "That is mean and she is being a fairy"
Andrew: "I'm just saying"
Me: "Well she's not, besides I already asked, she doesn't want to be a devil"

Someone needs a psychologist....

Ahhhhhh am I bad person for happily putting Lily on the bus this morning? She was home more this fall break then she was home during summer break! Summer break she at least goes to summer school. This was tough! And with the temps still in the upper 90's as of last week there wasn't much we could do. But yesterday just the girls and I went to our beautiful Phoenix Zoo and had a wonderful day. I couldn't believe it! No fights, no whining! It was a perfect day! Perfect weather. Just a great day! Andi had slept from 5:30pm to 6:30am that previous night, yeah really, and man was she a different kid! She even slept on the way home from the zoo! Score! Let me just say I have to brag her up because I almost dropped her off at a safe house on Sunday. Sigh.
She went crazy on me. Like really crazy and I had no leverage. I had no idea what to do.
Here is the back ground we decided to go to my nieces gymnastic meet Sunday afternoon. Since Andi thinks her 11 yr old cousin is her best friend and their shared gymnastics coach is God, I figured that would be a fun thing to do. Lily had a bad cold so Andrew "sacrificed" the fun afternoon by staying home and watching football all Sunday afternoon. All was going well. We were sitting with my sister and my other niece. I had no cash and my sister bought Andi a snack and we were having fun. My niece was having a great day and it was awesome to see her. Andi wanted another snack and I figured that would be ok, I had borrow 50 cents from my sister and got her a little rice crispy thing. All is fine. Then Andi wants another snack. I refuse. She had lunch. I wasn't borrowing anymore money. No. She starts to cry. I still say no. Then Skylar is up for her floor routine and I am trying to watch her while Andi starts freaking out. Like pulling my legs trying to get me to get up and get her a snack. I say we are leaving when Sky is done and she cries more. Not cries, freaks. So Sky is done, I say tell Aunt Jenn and Ariel bye and she screams. I pick her up and she screams like I am kidnapping her and everyone is staring. I get to the parking lot and she hits me in the face. I take her arms hold them down and carry her like a football telling her to hit me again. I get to the car and she explodes, she kicks, she screams, it takes everything I have to hold her down and buckle her in her car seat. I never once hit her, yet she is kicking me, she is hitting me IN THE FACE, I take off and I hear her unbuckle her car seat. That is when mommy flipped her lid. I pull over into the city center business center and opened her door. Did I mention while I drove from the school to the city center she had taken off both her shoes and chucked them at me? Oh and her headphones? Well I was steamed, somehow I did know that hitting her, and believe me I REALLY wanted to, except for smacking her hand to get her to let go while trying to buckle her in, would not help. So I took every doll, every coloring book, everything she had ever brought into my car and I locked her in the car and marched over to the trash can and threw it all away. I was seeing red, I am not sure what went in that trash can, but I am sure it would have made some little girl very happy to stumble across it. That is if she is digging through a trash can. So I get back in the car and she is crying. Crying no longer freaking. Crying tears. She is sorry. She is still minutes away from the safe haven down the road in my book. Believe me although I didn't hit her, I yelled. It was a fast flying zone for many bombs I swear to not say in front of the kids, but really red, I was seeing red. I didn't know what was going on. I had no idea how I was going to deal with the situation and was actually pretty surprised all it took was chucking about $50 worth of crappy toys in my car. She got in her car seat and we drove home in silence. She fell asleep, but I had the hardest time getting her out of the car seat and trying to calmly keep her asleep. I just picked her up, put her in her room and said "do not come out! I cannot see your face for a long time". She actually understood this request and was pretty quiet the rest of the day. She apologized several times, and eventually I got over it, but man I have never been so upset. So disappointed. So discouraged. I know being a parent is tough but that feeling of not having a clue what to do is scary and loosing control is very scary. I never want to loose control with my kids and it was lost.
We deal with tantrums usually every day to every other day, but I usually ignore them and they go away. This time was something else. It was scary and I need to know what to do ahead of time before it happens again.
This is where I am coming to you all who have been there and done that. What are ways to prepare myself and I was far beyond taking 10 breaths. What are things I can do to her to get her to stop.
Help me!
Thank God I have several more years before having another 3 year old. I'll take 2's waaaay over 3's!
Unless someone has a machine I can put him in and keep him 8 weeks old forever. Sigh.

When you have a kid like this....

I feel words are unnecessary when you deal with a child like this all day, every day.
There was no music. I have no idea why she was doing this and I wish I had more than a cell phone to display her "skills" but this is a snipit of life with Andi Jane.

Out of her mouth

I was in the bathroom with Andi and I had just finished dinner and I was astonished at how big my stomach is already and I said to Andi "if I keep growing at this rate I will be HUGE come January!" and she said "yeah and then you will look like daddy!"
LOL

Have a good weekend

My Man

Not only is he good in the sack.... look at what he did to Andi's room



This was our media room, she has not really had a room. She had a nursery then that room was a media room (hence the large tv that will NOT stay in there, she will get a much smaller one, but she will have a tv.... save your judgments for someone else) her bed was in Lily's room but they can't really share a room since Lily is up through the night and a little noisy, so she was either in our room or mostly on the couch... again save it.... so anyway Andrew decided on those colors and the antique green. I think it looks awesome and it just took 3 books last night read to her and then she watched Finding Nemo and was out. All night in her room. We gave her the queen bed that was in storage so when Grandma comes to visit they can share a bed. It made the most sense. So waaallaaaa... Lily's room is this weekend.... can you guess we are having company next week?

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder if your kids are sometimes kidding. Like you hear her screaming for a cupcake at 8am and tell her no and then she cries and acts like her life is over. Then stops and asks for coke. Then it is a no and it is screaming, crying and on the floor. Then she stops (after her mama totally ignores her) and asks for a banana. I just look at her. Grab a banana, hand it to her and walk away.
But I can't help but shake my head and think, she is kidding. She is doing this on purpose. She is seeing what she can get from me and I just wanna drop kick her. (Of course I would never.....)
I am a very lax mom. Everyone knows it. I have been offended at times for being called out on it, but not anymore. I accept it. I am lax. I am a lax person. I am a peace keeper and yes although I do have a bit of a hot head, I am usually incredibly guilty after blow ups and for that sake I do my best to stray from them. So I am lax. But with Andi I decide while she is whining and asking, is this important? If I decide to say no, I need to stick to no and of course I have been weak, but for the most part I stick to no. And sometimes sticking to no is HARD and all I want to do is throw a cupcake at her, but I don't. But I sure want to. Kind of like when Andrew was quitting smoking years ago and at times I would yell, "go smoke!" But a lot of times I decide it isn't that big of a deal and fighting isn't going to get either of us anywhere, so I am lax. But I think that is where Andi tests me more. I don't always say no, so she tests the water to see if mom will say no today or not. I don't know. I am totally rambling. Some mornings are just so tough with that child and I know the power struggles are just going to get harder and over much bigger things. Sigh.
If this child growing inside me is anything like her, I think I will need an early grave.
By the way, are my boobs going to stop hurting soon? I honestly can't remember, do they hurt the whole time? They feel bruised and I know it will just get worse once I become once again a human pacificer. Let me know those of you who remember or are beyond the first trimester. How can I forget all this stuff? Do I have to be Michelle Duggar and on baby 18 to not forget what happens next?

MIA for good reason

So Lily bug has the stomach flu bug. I am pretty sure I am not alone when saying that has to be the worst thing a child can get. Add a kid still in diapers and unable and unknowing to vomit in the toilet and it makes it twice as fun. Not to mention all the anti epileptic meds she isn't getting. Sigh. Today though is a much better day.
I kept her home with her having a fever still and not eating well yet. But it is funny, I am feeling rather caged in. I work three days a week. That leaves me four other days in the week that I do not work and I am with the kiddos. Yet we never stay home. Ever. Lily goes to school Thursday mornings and Andi and I am out the door. Usually shopping, or the park. Or shopping. Or shopping. Then we lunch. Yes she is my shopping and lunch date. Have a problem with that?
And the weekends forgetaboutit. Unless we have company coming to town that we have to clean up for, we are out and about all weekend long. Staying home is rarely an option and it is an option that has me crawling in my skin. At least if it were in the 100's we'd go summing, but at a measly upper 80's you won't catch me in the pool unless I am floating face down. I am born and raised Arizona, it is how I am. I am just not a home body. I don't like to be a home body until about 6pm at night. I am a morning person and like to wake up and go. Maybe this stems from childhood and Saturdays we could not do ANYTHING until we had our chores done. Maybe I am rebelling.
Anyway, all I came on to say was to tell you about Andi last night and look what a mess I made. Again, I must plan better.
So last night we got Pei Wei. It was good. Andi is the pickiest kid around and I wonder how she survives. Anyway, the pickiest kid alive ate tons of edamame and hot and sour soup. I guess all along the mac and cheese and hot dogs were just not right for her palate.
Gonna loose again in bunco tonight. Sweet.

She knows who is paying for college

So this morning after Lily got on the school bus, I am doing dishes, Andi is playing in the living room and the news is going. Our local guy is at Disney on Ice talking with Nemo and the gang and in my head I say, oh shoot queen of I wants will want to go to Nemo and we can't go this weekend. So what does Andi say, I am hearing this already in my head, I know it is coming, and she says "Do you think your mom can take me to Disney on Ice?" Pheeew, I totally dodged that bullet.
I say, "I don't know call her and ask her." Andi calls Grandma, or shall I say my mom, and says "Um Grandma, on TV is Nemo. Can you take me?" I get on the phone laugh and explain it to Grandma. She is totally tickled by the whole thing and we laugh say good bye and then I am getting ready in the bathroom while Andi is taking a bath. Ring, Ring. It is my mom. My head says, OMG she read my blog, she is calling about yesterdays embarrassing post. "Hello" I say. "Ok don't be mad, but I got tickets for Andi and I for tonight's show, front row" she says. "Mom! I wasn't serious!" I say, she says "I know, but it will be fun just us two."
Mad why would I be mad? An evening with Andrew and Lily sounds well... nice and quiet.
Andi sure knows who to butter up.

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I wanted to post this story about me when I was 6 before Andi made me laugh this morning so this is a twoferone.
I wanted to share this cute story about my dad, because I love my dad. He is so cute and I think with the whole drawing of him with a beer that landed me in al-anon and my diary post you may all have drawn a conclusion of him and I don't want that. My dad is funny, the smartest man I have ever met and I just love him to death, so I wanted to share this gem from my childhood that will be a story my kids tell and their kids tell... oh boy I just ruined the story. It will never live up to what I just blew it up to be. Oh well, I will still share it.

Slight back story, my dad has always had a large belly. "Only thing bought and paid for" he says. Us kids would always punch him in it. He would let us. It was a game, not a real funny one looking back, but he was game to play. The best part of the game was to catch him not paying attention and getting him good and hard. No one was ever able to hurt him, at least he never let on that it ever did.

So that is the back story.

So it is a summer night, my dad took me and my sister to the video store to pick out some movies. I am running around not paying attention. I start doing spins around and around in the middle of the store and right at my eye level was a large belly. Of course I jump on my first instinct, I draw back my arm and with everything in my 6 year old body went right into this large belly in front of me. I was proud, I got him! He had no idea it was coming! I had a huge smile when my head slowly raises up and all I see is a strangers face with all the color drained from it. I got him alright. Some strange man, I just socked in the stomach as hard as I could. He looked mad and my face went from smile to scared instantly and I ran. I ran to my dad.
My dad is apologizing and trying to explain the game we play, but it doesn't matter this guy was pissed.
I am not sure what happened from there, but I know we still cannot tell this story with out all laughing. I laughed all through writing this.
I don't know why I wanted to write this. But after yesterday I need to pretend I never said orgasm.

Andi talk....

Andi: Mommy!

Me: Yes

Andi: I think your boobies are cute

Me: Yes, so does your Daddy.

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[We are at Target, I am grabing a 6 pack of Pacifico]

Andi: I think that is a good idea

Me: What is a good idea?

Andi: Buying beer, that is a good idea.

Me: I think so.

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Andi: Mommy do you want a baby in your tummy when you get big?

Me: Yes

Andi: I do too. Does Daddy?

Me: No hunny, Daddy can't

Andi: Why

Me: Because sweetie Mommys have babies because Daddys couldn't handle it

Andi: Oh

If Two's are Terrible....

If Two's are Terrible, what the hell are three's?
I am feeling like I was under some great misconception about Andi turning three.
I thought once the two's were behind us it would be daisy's in the park.
I didn't think I would be yelling so much every morning that all my tonsil stones would come out.
(it's ok if you gag)
But seriously. Andi is still recovering from a very bad flu, so either she is still not over her sickness or three came in and took that tiny part of sweetness she had in her and went to Tahiti.
I know I am not throwing you when I say she is difficult. She came out difficult. I like her strong personality, well I had liked it up until now. But seriously. Seriously.
She is nasty. Just all attitude.
Sigh.
Praying it is just still the sickness hanging around.

I shouldn't complain. I love her. I just had a huge misconception. Everyone says oh the terrible two's yada yada, but no one says, oh two ain't nothing, wait til three. You all sit back and silently giggle to yourself, she has no idea. I don't. I didn't. Although Andi is technically my second, I have no idea what normal development it. I didn't know that Andi is bright for knowing her birthday since November. I didn't know she was a little "off" by putting ice cream in her hair. Well I kinda knew she was a little off... besides the point. You all are just so smug in your knowingness..... help a mutha out next time people.

Is my child different or is three worse than two.
Poll time.

Happy Third Birthday Andi Jane!!!

I've been MIA with my MIL in town and a very sick birthday girl. High fever since Thursday night, if she still has it by Wed. she will have a chest X-ray. She is whiny and super C-L-I-N-G-Y.
I will update later, Tues. I will be with Lily at the hospital all day for this damn study... sigh. Thank God we have MIL here one more day to help with sick Andi. Not sure what I would have done otherwise.
Sigh.

Mommy: The Witch Slayer

So I am in the bathroom with Andi, she leans forward to reach for something and I save her from a tumble to the floor head first. I say, "I saved you!" and she said "Yes, just like you saved me from the witch, Fiona and" something inaudible. Then she goes on to say "You remember when I was a baby and you saved me from the witch?" "Of course I remember, baby. How could I ever forget slaying that witch and saving you?"
I've been called a many of things in my life, but a witch slayer. That is pretty cool if you ask me.

What did you say Dr?

So in true fashion to this lovely study Lily is on, we are at the Neuro's office weekly. The past two weeks were pretty quick in and out apt.'s, but yesterday was another long one.
Monday night she sat on the potty for 2 hours, yes two hours, from 6-8pm and we finally got the pee. She had to fast for blood work this time around and was a little crabby and we had to see the neuro this apt.
So we are finally in the room with the study nurse, the neuro, Lily and Andi. It is 2 pm, Lily is hungry, Andi is tired. Lily is in her chair just tooting like I have never heard before. Just farting away, over and over and over. Neuro is trying to explain to me Lily's most recent EEG that I was having questions about and I am turning red with all of Lily's gas. Andi then asks me in the middle of my discussion to blow my nose in a tissue. I quietly do as I continue my discussion with the neuro. He is explaining to me about the lines in the EEG what is normal what is not and Andi screams BLOW YOUR NOSE! I politely told her to step away and pretended to blow one more time. I continue to talk while Lily is still farting. Seriously I have never heard a human fart that much. Andi is still unsatisfied with my nose blowing abilities and at the top of her lungs screams BLOW YOUR NOSE LIKE THIS and she blows her nose loud and hard. I tell her to step away NOW or we will have serious issues. She is pouting, Lily is farting and Neuro is still talking.
I somehow still managed to somewhat follow what he said, something about waves and flats and Lily has lots of seizures and her EEG is abnormal. He left and I could swear I saw his head spinning. I also think he muttered in his polite (and sexy) British accent.... I'm never having any bloody children.

New baby smell.....

And offically Andi has completely lost her new baby smell.

Her breath these last couple mornings have stink, stank, stunk! Ugh... just like adult morning breath, she now has entered that phase in her life. She just isn't self conscious of it. And she seriously needs to be.

Here is a little trivia:

What is the year I graced the cover of an issue of Trends Magazine (local Phoenix mag)

I look like I belong on Rock of Love

(it is newspaper like and has been folded for ummm a few years so it looks pretty bad quality wise)