Blame it on Dr. Laura

So I started listening to Dr. Laura several months ago, probably about 6 months. Believe me it took me a long time to like her. I used to listen to her in my 20's and hated her. I wasn't living the best life I could so of course I didn't like her. But as I matured and realized what she was saying I listened and put her words into action and my life changed. My marriage went from constant small battles to peace. I was more patient with the kids and the biggest thing that I wanted to follow yet couldn't was be "my kids mom" (stay at home mom). I was so conflicted with the thoughts of wanting to be home with my kids (I was pregnant with Oliver at the time) but needing that second income. The more I listened the more I knew this is something I had to do. The only reason we needed that second income is we got ourselves in stupid debt but thanks to a crappy year we got a nice income tax return and since my employer is cancelling our 401k I am withdrawing that money and now have enough money to get out of that debt. Now although I am still employed, I handed over my old position (payroll/HR) and now am doing light work that is done easily at home. Andrew may be in a position to make more money leaving us in an alright place with my much less income. It seems like the planets aligned so being at home is where I am meant to be and it has been nice....but I am getting a little stir crazy and thinking I will be doing this for 5 years is a little scary. I am used to adult interaction (ok I get a little with facebook, but I can't eat lunch with people on there!) and I guess I thought we'd be able to do things out of the house, but that is not really happening with this baby. I cannot believe I got Andi incarnate and it is really wearing on me. I thought when I was pregnant, this baby has to be chill. He has to be. NO baby could ever be like Andi (for those of you not around when she was a baby, well she was like she is now, just a lot smaller) and he is JUST LIKE HER! Screams, and I mean screams, in the car seat everywhere we go. Everywhere. Hates the swing. Hates the bouncy seat. Loves my boobs. Only difference is I can actually lie him down for naps and I have him in the crib, Andi slept with us until she was 3. But since I am determined to have him in the crib I am going into his room still up to three times a night leaving me exhausted and short with Andi the next day and some times I wonder if I can handle having her home with me all day every day for the next year and 4 months, not really counting the days until kindergarten...
I think this is stemming from a short trip to Michael's that ended up disastrous with a screaming baby and everyone looking at me like I was a murderer. I just wanted to get a craft for my daughter so she can do something at home instead of watching TV and making messes in her room. Not to mention her pretending to have a baby in her room for hours on end....sigh.
I just am feeling overwhelmed and think what would I be doing if I were at work?
I am hoping I am not the only person who has decided to be a stay at home mom and took some time to adjust. I know summer is soon and we can spend time at the pool when Oliver is sleeping and Lily has fun summer school for 3 weeks, not to mention the whole week of VBS at church for Andi :)
I guess I thought I would be able to do things with Andi, clean the house all the while the baby calmly hangs out in the swing and life would be dandy, but it really isn't like that. I have to hold him when he is awake and that makes chores harder. I do sling him and that is fine, but hurts my shoulder after awhile (my shoulder thing isn't new, it is a mess).
Wow, complain complain.
I guess this should be a place to humor myself and not complain.
By the way at 1am last night during feeding #1, I thought up an amazing kids book that I know would fly off the shelves, anyone know how to get that started? Seriously. totally cute!

I'm a mom

It's Andi's 4th birthday today and she has been attending a spring break camp at her gymnastics gym, I sent her with 2 dozen cupcakes in tupperware to celebrate. I felt a bit panicky about not getting my tupperware back and decided to write our name on them. Then I realized, I am totally a mom. It didn't take me having 3 kids to realize it, it just took some tupperware.

Support

Here is a link of a fellow reader who is asking for votes for her dream to be fulfilled. It sounds like an awesome dream and I would like to do what I can to help.
Go to her blog if you'd like and read all about it:
The Bossy Yankee

"It's better to have love and lost.."

Whomever said that crap is full of it! I had my blackberry since Sept. I got all my emails on it, texting was easy as pie and I got the game brickbreaker. I hadn't lost an Ebay auction since I got that phone! Well due to "hard times" I had my blackberry revoked. Taken away. Gone. Bye Bye Bye.
Had I never known the wonders of IMing my friends. Facebook notices. Brickbreaker (have I mentioned that?). I would have never known what I was loosing. But I know.
I have to text old school now. I have to log on to my computer for my emails. What is that all about? And I lost two nursing Mamajama tanks off Ebay yesterday. Sigh.
Now I know how MC Hammer felt.

Convos While Milking

Little guy is latched on, drinking away, outside the loud roar of the lawn mower goes and his big blue eyes widen and he looks at me for the answers.
"That is a lawn mower, don't worry, you'll only hear that a couple times a year, it isn't something daddy does often."

I'm trying to get back in the game folks, give me time, it's been crazy. Hormones.

It's been rough

I haven't been posting much since things have been too crazy...please go to Lily's blog to see what is happening now...