"Mommy, you're butts hanging out"

"Mommy, you're butts hanging out", said Andi. Damn these designer jeans..... speaking of fashion how come if I wear an outfit in Phoenix or Scottsdale, I am cute, stylish even. Wear that same outfit to my local Fry's in suburbia I am called not so quietly, "interesting" in the frozen food aisle? Don't worry, I, one not for confrontation was so overly shocked by this woman looking me up and down and then had the nerve to say..."interesting", took care of myself. I looked back at her, my face probably looked like I ate a lemon and said "interesting?" She turned red and looked away. But c'mon... why? Why? Why? It wasn't like I had no teeth and B.O. I looked cute.
Some people.
So Andi damn near had the beating of her life, if I were abusive. I really wanted to be abusive yesterday. I really, really did want to be abusive.
Everything was going well, lunch at Chipolte. Hair cut for the poor little thing with stringy hair like her mama. A quick return at Old Navy. Then the car seat. Oh that car seat. She thought she needed to be in Lily's car seat. I don't care, "get in and buckle up". She says "no". I said "Now!", She said "No!", I said, "If you are not buckled up by three, I will put you in your seat. No music! No Ariel doll! 1-2-3".. still not in her seat. Ok fine, you wanna play this game? I pick her up, take her around the rockin minivan to her seat. I physically put her in her seat. Her back is arching, she is kicking, she is screaming. The parking lot full of mothers look at me like I am in the wrong. I am saying "You have got to be kidding me Andi" she is screaming like I am not her mother, or am.. I don't know. I finally get her in, I swear to God she had the strength of three men. I start driving, screaming at her. Shaking from frustration. She is screaming, screaming, screaming, trying to Chris Angel herself right out of her seat. Screaming, screaming, screaming. Click... silence. I look back, she had her car seat unbuckled. We have the Britax Marathon, it is not something you just push a button and you are out. It takes strength..... strength of three men to be exact.
I pull over and buckle it up, she screams, although this time it is a deeper scream, she says something about she is the devil and here to overtake the universe. I think that is what she said. So I drive again, scream, scream, scream.... click... silence. On THE FREEWAY! I could have thrown her out right there and then. I was absolutely so infuriated I didn't know what to do with myself. We got home and she napped two hours and woke up sweet as pie.
Now anyone want to ask me why I quit on trying to procreate and got that IUD?