Tucson Escapades

I mentioned I would be going down to Tucson with Kibberts on Saturday and I would love to tell you all about our experience. Thelma and Louise have nothing on us. Well except maybe for that roll in the hay with a young Brad Pitt. Ok and all the murdering and stuff. Never mind, well maybe you will like this at second best.

So Saturday started out very early. When ever I have to be up at a certain time I wake up every hour before that time. It is weird, but that is what I do. I went to sleep around 10pm and woke up every hour from 1am on. I finally got up and ready at 5:30am, picked up Kibbert by 6:15am. We program the hotel into Harriet (GPS) and we went on our way.
The drive went smoothly and even quicker than we had anticipated. We were in Tucson in less than 1.5 hours and had some time on our hands. We decide to go to Starbucks and parked the car and went inside. No drive thru? We also quickly found out it was UofA graduation going on, so the town was “a popping”.
At Starbucks, we were a little giddy, Kibberts orders her drink and they ask her name. She tells them, then I order, they ask me my name and I tell them. He looks at me funny, sorry buddy your anonymity is all up in smoke, and says really? I say yes, “my name is Kim, also”, and then I add on, “our parents weren’t too original.” I guess I didn’t make much sense since the barista asks “You’re sisters?” and I said, “No, I just meant (looking at the cute young male barista) that Kimberly was one of the top names in the 7ehhhuuuhhhh mid 80’s” and flashed a smile. Kibberts just looks at me and excuses her self to the poop on the lid bathroom. She was hoping people didn’t think she was the one who in fact pooped on the lid.
So it was about 8:30am and we head over to where the conference is. It starts at 9am and it was very informative. I had a few ADD moments, but all in all I think I did pretty well. Brain injury is so intense. I mean you can have a concussion at 2 and see effects the rest of your life. I won’t bore you with the informative stuff that you can learn from, I am here to tell you about the mundane stuff that I find way more fascinating.
There was this old woman who kept interrupting with her stories. She interrupted the Dr. on several occasions and even told her that she “begged to differ”. The instructor was classy and handled it all very well. I whisper to Kibbers, “Grandma is feisty today.”
Eventually we break for lunch. We had a previous break, but I have nothing good to report. We just had some coffee and split a blueberry muffin. I know enquiring minds.
So lunch time Kibberts and I are at a table all by our self. This committee really went above and beyond with a sit down catered lunch. The entire conference was free. Eventually our table starts to fill up. We are chatting with our table “mates” when in walks feisty Grandma. We are thinking please don’t sit here, please, and she plops down right next to me. Sigh. Oh boy, here we go. It is really hard to relay what was so funny during that lunch, but understand that at one time I was in a giggle fit that I was trying to breathe thru and ended up scrambling in my purse for nothing but a place to hide my face. I couldn’t look at Kibberts, nor even think about looking at her. She at times encouraged conversation between Grandma and me by bringing up things that we “had in common” and agreed with Grandma that I was cold and helped in covering me with a cloth dinner napkins. Kibberts would text me in the middle of lunch, while sitting next to me, just to remind me of what was happening. And don’t think we are mean to a little old lady, it was quite the opposite. She told Kibberts that she hated teachers when she asked Kibberts what she did and she answered, again totally sorry about the whole anonymity thing, this lady was truly and in fact one crayon short of a full box. And negative as the day is long. We were on our best behavior to be honest. Plus I was tired. Giggle fits happen to creep up on me when they are totally inappropriate. And they are not far from a crying fit, so I can sometimes pretend one is the other. But this time I just looked ridiculous. So lunch was anything but boring and we skipped the rest of the afternoon sessions.
We went shopping. Some how in being a supportive friend buying myself $100 Lucky Capri’s was in fact being supportive. I am not sure why or how but Kibberts had me believing. Up next is Andrew, Kibberts that is all you. Unfortunately my brain works a little differently than others, maybe I have a brain injury, but after buying those pants I was on a mission for a new top. That mission led us all over Tucson looking for a Forever 21. I know, I know, I have a love hate with that place, but after spending that much on pants I needed a cheap cute top and we all know that is the place. Harriet was less than helpful on our mission and it was hot. In the car Kibberts tells me she is sweating like a whore in church and I find that expression so hilarious that I can’t stop laughing, nor can I get over it. I keep repeating it and react as if I just heard an unknown gospel.
Finally we find the most ghetto mall around and I find a Forever 21. It is crowded, gross and surprisingly small for a F21. Kibberts practically throws a shirt at me that pretty much fit my criteria and I can tell that spending anymore time there could be fatal for my friend. We wait in line, people watch and get pretzels, people watch some more and go back to our hotel. We take a nap and Kibberts call for an in room massage for us both. She calls and says “My girlfriend and I would like an in room massage”, “Great they are going to think we are lesbians and we’ll have two horny guys coming in to massage us” I say. She explains to me, what I already know, that she meant girl friend.
Two women show up and Kibberts opens her mouth and inserts her foot when she explains to the ladies we are not in fact lesbians. I would have much preferred them to think we were, other than insult them on their sexual preference. No idea what these women sexual orientation was, but I am sure if they preferred females, they did not like hearing that “we aren’t weird like that” coming from Kibberts.
Massages were fabulous. Odd my first couples massage was with Kibberts, but then again, not that odd. Then we showered and headed out for the night.
We called up some old high school friends who live in Tucson and they met up with us. They are the cutest couple who were HS sweethearts; well they really didn’t start dating until the end of HS, but HS sweethearts nonetheless. I had been friends with both of them for what seemed like forever. I knew him since the 5th grade and dated two of his best friends. Well married one of his best friends, but like our marriage, their friendship didn’t last either. That didn’t stop Kibberts from asking and receiving some good gossip.
His wife was on the golf team with me. She was always very simple, always cute, but simple.
But when they showed up she was stunning. Dark hair pulled back, hardly any make up and a face kissed by the freckle God. They were both in great shape, he a cop, and her, a soon to be, personal trainer. They were the cute couple that actually really enjoyed each others company and it happened to be his 30th birthday. We had a great time. Kibberts and I drank fast and often. After we bid our friends a farewell we stumbled thru downtown Tucson with not much knowledge of where we were going. I know we grabbed a sub. Tried to pay in change (like quarters and dimes) for a $7 pack of cigarettes and gagged on one puff of the nasty thing. And somehow managed back to the hotel around midnight and I slept until 7am. Ahhhhh, sleeping in! Kibberts at 7:30am grumbles, “I thought you were going to sleep in”, “I did!” I said. Although most of the time we click like nothing else, mornings maybe not so much. I am up and out, she is well, not so much.
Eventually I got her out of bed and we got breakfast and drove home to our much missed families.
As much as I hate to end this on a cheesy note, I couldn’t help but feel the warm and fuzzies when I saw Kibberts greet her husband when she got home. They were so sweet, so warm with each other and I should have told them to get a room, but then again, it was their home. He truly missed her and was so happy to see her back home. It really was very sweet.
Sorry, it was.
I was excited to see my family as well. I was greeted very warmly and was surprised to have come home to a spotless home. It was glorious. I spent the rest of the day being lazy with my kids while my husband paid money for his friend to color on his arm, with a needle, leaving no skin left. Up next, his face.
Love you Kibberts, that was a great time and I am glad I have you.
Who else would understand brain injuries AND whores in church.