From the Runway to Diapers

454 ....wish we could have left it on a better number

2009-09-16T08:36:00.001-07:00

When I started this blog…not this blog exactly, I had a blog on tripod before I moved over to blogspot that I deleted when I got confronted on something I wrote. I got pissed and reacted, and deleted. Dumb move, I had some good stuff written lost in cyberworld, but we live and we learn. I named the blog “From the Runway to Diapers” because that is exactly what I felt my life had gone from. I was no longer wearing Channel and walking the runway in stilettos. I was at home, I was up to my ears in diapers and my days of fashion were long behind me. I was very raw in the beginning. Actually I technically started “blogging” before I knew that word. I kept a journal on Lily’s site that started when she was a few months old. That went from cheery in the beginning trying to be positive to getting real pretty quick. I was often struggling with what my life had become and I pretty much made that clear. I didn’t want to be spending my babies infancy in the hospital, with therapists, at a place for blind children, I didn’t want any of it and my heart was constantly broken it seemed. Then I started telling stories unrelated to Lily on her site, mostly about Andi, or my hair, or clothes, or how my life tends to look like a sitcom from time to time and that is when I decided to leave Lily’s site all about Lily and make a blog about whatever was on my mind at the time. Well that got me in trouble and it took a few occasions where I put my foot in my mouth to learn the ropes to blogging. If you want to get along with the people in your life, you don’t hit the post button until you are good and sure you are ready to. I still like to keep Lily’s blog real and I get the most responses from other special needs parents thanking me for doing so. Pretending that having a special needs child is wonderful all the time and never complaining is unreal and people like to see that. So here I am 7 years later with two blogs up and running. And to even have one named from the Runway to Diapers seems a bit off now. It’s like Kathy Lee saying on the Today Show she is coming off the heels of Live with Regis and Kathy Lee, when we all know Regis has been with Kelly longer than he was ever with Kathy Lee. That is neither here nor there. I am so far from the runway it’s more like from the highway that a runway. I haven’t walked the runway in 7 years. I haven’t had Sonia Kashuk do my make up since I was 16 years old. My most fashionable piece I have is probably from Target. I have more chances of being on More to Love than America’s Next Top Model. Put a fork in me. I’m done. Besides keeping up with two blogs, three kids and a job from home?! Ha! Every post is half ass and my priority is Lily’s blog. More readers, more important stuff BUT it doesn’t mean my silliness randomness has to stop. Of course not, we’re going back to old school. Where I started. Lily’s blog will be my blog. It will be where you get your Lily updates, but also my stories about locking the kids in the car and having the fire dept come rescue me. Or read all about my American Idol obsession. It will all be in one place and the name will change. Same place, but I will be doing some changing. I gave this the ole college try, and for someone who took First Aid at Community College as her only class one semester…..I lasted pretty long!
This is where I'll be

Nice to meet you...

2009-09-06T21:24:00.001-07:00

Having a special needs child makes even the most mundane conversations a little bit more complicated.
I go out and about with Andi Jane and Oliver a lot. We really don’t do well stuck at home all day long. So while we are out and about I run into other moms and I am a talker. I tend to chat it up with a new mom every time I step out of the house. I enjoy meeting other people and feel like I am making up for all those years of being a bit nerdy and stuck in a friend rut with the same friends forever (whom all I still love J).
But it is never uncomplicated. I will start talking about their kids and they’ll ask about mine. They ask if they are my only two and then things get complicated. I can either be very evasive which I tend to do, but for some reasons the questions never stop at just how old is your oldest. Then they have to ask how helpful she is with her younger siblings. Or about how I like 2nd grade homework. Or my child goes to that school, who’s your daughter’s teacher? I don’t like to play poor me and tell strangers all about Lily. Honestly I kind of like it when the conversation stops at telling them her age and name. In their mind I have a 2nd grader named Lily whom they assume plays sports and brings home homework. I shouldn’t even have to explain that I am not ashamed of Lily. Not one bit. But sometimes pretending to be “normal” is so much easier. Whenever I have to say, well she’s in special ed. She’s special needs. She’s in a wheelchair. Then the conversation makes a u turn. I get pity sometimes. Sometimes I get unnecessary kudos. The mom starts to feel like we are on different playing fields and we aren’t. The mom isn’t doing anything wrong, it is just a reaction that happens and it changes me in their eyes.
I appear to become super mom and I am so far from it.
Mothering Lily is so easy. I love her so I do what I need to do. Any other mom would do the same. Hell a lot of them would do it a whole lot better than me.
Sometimes I wonder what kind of mom would I have been if Lily were a sport playing, home work doing 2nd grader, but really I don’t think I would be that different. Maybe I am kidding myself. Maybe I am not. It’s something I will never know. I know Lily made me grow up quickly and that is something that may have not had happened, but I think my genuine character is still here, always has been. I think I have become an updated version of me. Like a Kim 5.0.
This new version likes making new friends and meeting new people. So I guess even if it does cause conversations to get more complicated than I’d like when talking to strangers, I just have to deal. Besides maybe I just need to take that kudos and say thanks.
I mean, why not.

Head Wound Harry

2009-08-24T18:36:00.002-07:00

Andi: Mom why are you taking a picture of my prince?
Me: Because he looks like Head Wound Harry
Andi: He's not Headwooned Harry mom, he is a prince.
Me: I think he looks like Head Wound Harry
Andi: Ok well then can we call him Prince Headwooned Harry?
Me: Deal

Oh Really??

2009-08-22T13:22:00.003-07:00

I've mentioned awhile back about my loss of my one and only blackberry. I miss her so. It seems to be rubbed in my face lately and I don't take it lightly.
My dad yesterday asked me what my high score on brick breaker was... ahem... no brick breaker, dad.
My BFF was telling me how she could spend all day on hers.
Last night hubby said "did you know that there is an app for my blackberry that acts as a radar detector?"
"Oh really? Want to know what app my phone has? Someone dials my number and it rings."

8 years of pure romance

2009-08-19T13:33:00.000-07:00

8 year anniversary and we wanted to celebrate in style! Mom came over to watch the kids and we went to The Melting Pot. Yum, yum, yum! That is our place for celebration. Almost every birthday and anniversary is spent there, plus our family’s grocery money. That’s ok; we survive the rest of the week on mac and cheese.
I got home at 5:45pm from picking Andi from pre k, then taking her to gymnastics. It’s 110 outside. I get home, no time to shower or shave. I take out my braids I wore (on purpose) and let my hair down, nice waves. Put on some mascara, blush and lip gloss. Tell my mom the run down for the kids, nursed Oliver and we are out the door 15 minutes late. Apparently amongst my amuck, my husband took two Advil migraines. He didn’t even have a migraine.
We get to the restaurant. They put us in the closed in booth with the curtains. Not my fav, I am more of a people watcher, but bring on the romance. We order wine. We get our cheese. (My favorite!) I dig in. Hubby, not so much. He is eating slow. We are talking, having a nice time. Salads come. I eat my entire salad. Hubby pushes the fork around, and that was it. Then the main course. I eat. Hubby insisted on the more expensive lobster meal and there the lobster sits. Uneaten. I ask for the cocktail sauce, they no longer have it. I eat. Andrew doesn’t. Head in hands. He is sweating. He thinks he may vomit. He continues with head in hands. I eat.
Dessert comes. Banana foster chocolate dip. I eat. And eat. Andrew touches one banana and holds head in hand. I get the bill. Pay. Wish I spent $150 on a cute outfit. I have to drive and then I have to fill the car with gas.
I tell you what though, I am pretty darn sure we will have many many more anniversaries and I will make sure he does not try to be proactive and prevent another head ache again.
Still love you babe and can’t wait to get my massage! Best gift ever!!

Jon and Kate not so Great

2009-07-26T08:25:00.002-07:00

Andi crawled into my bed around 6 am, snuggled in, kissed my cheek and then asked to "watch her show". I grumble, rub my eyes and say "what channel?" "the baby show" so I turn on TLC and I roll over and fall back to sleep. Andi doesn't care what show it is as long as some woman is pushing a baby thru her hiney hole she is thrilled. An hour passes and Andi wakes me up again. I see that Baby Story is over and Jon and Kate Plus 8 is on. Andi says "mommy can you change the channel, I don't like this show?" "why don't you like this show?" "because there are too many kids and they are winy". "You wanna know what Andi? I totally agree".

My Status

2009-07-17T15:50:00.002-07:00

On Facebook I always update my status and this is one I was thinking of doing but wasn't sure if many would understand.
This is my status today:
Sad that Andi Jane's husband broke two bones, glad that he has no cavities, sad that he is in Africa and Andi Jane has to fly there to be with him, happy that Andi Jane is 31 and now older than me and sad that her husband is 77.
And very happy to have a child with an imagination like that.

16 and Pregnant

2009-07-15T08:35:00.003-07:00

There is a show on MTV called 16 and Pregnant. It appears if you want to be on MTV you have to be poor from the south and pregnant (16 of course) or super rich from the south having a big party. But that is neither here nor there.
So I was discussing with Kibberts the show and she said "they act like the baby is a doll or something". I said "yeah they really don't make it look that hard so now other kids will think I can do that, what they really need is a follow up show called 18 with a toddler, now that would scare them all out of having sex".
At least have them practice a little better birth control.

On the mend

2009-06-30T13:08:00.003-07:00

"Hi! I'm Sara! My owners gave me up to a shelter. The shelter sent me to a foster home. Now I am living with these people who have a fun little girl who sits at my level on the floor. Another little girl that wants me to follow her all around the house and a baby that likes to grab my ears. The mom and dad let me snuggle in their bed with them. I think I am going to like it here"

So proud!

2009-06-22T08:47:00.003-07:00

I don't think I could be any more proud of my daughter and her artistic abilities! I went to open her side of the back seat and noticed she used a stamp. all. over. the. roof. of. our. tahoe.
These are moments that make my heart burst in pride.

Growing up sucks

2009-06-20T23:42:00.003-07:00

It was 7 years this past April Hailey came into our lives. Andrew and I were newlyweds and I was pregnant with Lily. Thru a friend of family we heard about a family who was moving and needed to find a home for their dog. We didn’t have a picture, we knew practically nothing. Just a nice dog needed a good home. We met up with them and they told us she had pizza so she was good on food for the night and they also sent a blanket with us that smelt like them and we promised to take good care of her (and said to each other on the way home, to never feed her pizza for dinner again).
Hailey was certainly not the best looking dog. We have no idea what type of dog she actually was. She was black with brown on her face and could catch a bird like no ones business so we knew she was some type of hunting dog. She also always had really long claws that she would never let us trim. Hailey was a 4 years old when she came to live with us.
Hailey became our baby. She was house trained and sweet natured. She loved her food and loved to be where ever I was.
Our first home was in a bad part of town, but our house was cute, our lawn was huge and we had the awesome experience of having neighbors with chickens…and no coop. But one too many chickens made it into our yard and when they didn’t return, thanks to Hailey, the neighbors finally got a coop.
Hailey took to Lily right away. She was very protective of Lily and would be very cautious of all the people who came into our home to work with her. She would sit right there, right next to the therapist and Lily and it was as if she was saying “I dare you to make one wrong move with her”.
We have had other dogs along side of Hailey, but they never worked out. We had a pug that had to go to pug rescue when we couldn’t get him to stop peeing on any and everything, especially where Lily was lying. Andrew brought home a puppy he found on a construction site that was eating us out of a home so I found a good family for him. We had the insane puggle whom was a huge pain in the butt, but we did love her. Lily’s nurse kept letting her out when Lily’s bus came and she’d run out. I kept saying please don’t let her out and she just couldn’t be firm with her and she ran out every day. One day I came home and I asked where she was, she said she ran out. When I realized it had been a while I went looking for her and couldn’t find her. We did what we could to find her and she was gone. It was very frustrating and sad to have lost her and I will microchip any dog we get absolutely from now on, no question about it. It is so hard to find that right fit with your family and Hailey was that fit. There was no forcing with her. She just fit.
Hailey was a healthy dog who rarely needed to be seen by the vet, but by the time she hit about 10 (we never knew her birthday) she started showing signs of arthritis. We had a big work up on her and she was full of it. She started pain meds and anti inflammatory’s, she seemed like a different dog medicated. I still remember so clearly taking her up to Greer this past Thanksgiving. She seemed 5 years younger up there. She was so happy. She was so lively. I will cherish those memories. We had planned on taking her with us this July, but that won’t be happening.
A couple months ago Lily’s music therapist came over and Hailey went crazy, that was Hailey’s one flaw, she would bark and run around whenever someone came over, and with Lily we have people in our home almost daily. Well this time she was running and then just fell over. She got up and fell over again. She then got up and looked really dizzy. I thought it was a seizure. And knowing seizures I didn’t want her to be medicated if they were infrequent. Unfortunately it started happening once a week. Although I put one and one together with the excitement and then passing out, I still thought they were seizures. Seizures really aren’t that damaging and I wish that were all those episodes were. It was like this for a month or so, she’d have these episodes once a week, then all of a sudden they were daily and then she’d loose her bladder. And this was so not Hailey. She was coughing a lot and had no energy. I looked up online her symptoms and found that it was heart failure most likely and I knew I needed to take her to the vet, I was scared to. She went downhill and fast and she would just lie on the floor sprawled out and would breath heavy. It got to the point where I would hold my breath whenever someone came over because I knew she would faint. On Thursday I watched her see the pool guy, let two barks out and she just fell over. It was that point I knew I had to take her in. I just sat with her and hugged her and cried. I just knew I wouldn’t bring her home with me. I made her appointment for Friday and asked Andrew to pick up Lily from school, I dropped Andi off at my bestie Kim’s and I took Oliver with me. I put the leash on Hailey and walked her to the car. She couldn’t make it to the car, it was too much and when I went to put her in the car she passed out. She peed all over herself and my neighbor was outside at the time. He laughed at first, he thought she didn’t want to get in the car, but when he realized what happened he apologized and offered to help. We rinsed her off and he picked her up and put her in my car. She used to fight anyone who even touched her back because of her arthritis, but she didn’t say a thing.
I walked her in and she got on the scale and she had lost 6 lbs in 5 months. And remember, this dog loved food. I knew she was loosing weight, even Andi said “mom, Hailey is shrinking” I just didn’t realize she had lost that much.
I told the vet her symptoms; she listened to her and basically said if we did everything they could do it would only buy a little time, if we were lucky. She said she is suffering and strongly recommended us put her down. I was a blubbering mess from then on. She said we could take her home for the weekend and bring her back. I couldn’t do that though. I knew she couldn’t handle the trip back and forth again and I don’t think I could watch her suffer all weekend and I couldn’t look at her knowing what was around the corner. I said we can just do it now. They gave me some time with her and I told her that she was the best dog I had ever known and I loved her and would miss her immensely. They came back and asked if I wanted to be with her and I said yes. I called Andrew and he said “no not now” and I said “it has to be now”. The vet and tech were very sweet and I just looked her in the eye and I rubbed her head over and over until she fell asleep and then she peacefully passed. It was peaceful. It was time for her to go, but it was awful. One of the other techs had Oliver in the other room so I could be with Hailey and I was thankful for that. I sent Andrew a text and I wrote “she’s gone” but my phone came up with “home” when I wrote “gone” and I thought, well that is fitting. She is finally at home. She is at peace. She can breathe.
Coming home has really been the biggest struggle for me. Andrew and I hugged and cried. We talked about it and he was as upset as I was. He went to get Andi from Kim’s and talked with her about it. I was home with Lily and talked to her. I looked around the house and every place I looked, I thought of her. Her corner in the living room. Her food dish. The sliding glass door she went thru to go outside. Right now I write this from my bed and she should be right by my side of the bed at my feet. She should be here and she isn’t. I sit her and breathe like a baby who can’t catch her breath after crying. The tears won’t stop. My nose is running. I’ve been like this since yesterday at 2pm. I still can’t talk about it. I am absolutely devastated and I just want to throw up. I want our dog back and I just can’t help but think that if I am this devastated over our dog, how can a person survive the loss of their child?
I know this is incredibly long and sad and I don’t care if anyone reads this or the entire world reads it. I just had to write about our dog, our baby before our babies, Hailey. She didn’t have the personality of Marley. She wasn’t mischievous. She was mellow. She was kind hearted. She was loyal. She was everything a dog owner could ask for and I don’t know if we will ever be that lucky again. We’ve had other dogs come and go, but none has ever been like Hailey, I doubt none will ever be like her again.
We love you Hailey. You were the best dog ever and you gave our family a great 7 years and I am thankful to your first family for giving you to us. We enjoyed every bit of you.

Alone time....please

2009-06-17T12:02:00.004-07:00

When I complained to Andrew that I can't even go poop alone I had no idea what was about to come.
I have been running like a chicken with his head cut off lately. We have been going to Dr. apts, therapy (Lily, not me, although I think I need it), last week we had VBS which I volunteered to watch the leaders babies so I could stay with Ollie. This week is summer school for Lily. Nice break but I have to take her back and forth and since she is now 55 lbs and 50" it is getting harder and harder. Did I mention we moved horse therapy to 6am on Mondays? I really need an adaptive vehicle for her. Size Mediums at Target are all of a sudden waaay too tight for her. You know the next size up? A 9/10! A freaking 9/10 for my almost 7 year old. She is ginormous!!!!
So in all my efforts to get the kids where they need to be. I had to squeeze in an appointment with my gyno. I forgot to mention getting Andi to gymnastics, she starts dance this week and next week she has gymnastics summer camp, again nice break for me but it is squeezed in the middle of dropping off and picking up Lily. So not really a break. Especially with Ollie who likes to remind me of his dislike of the car seat constantly.
So when I realized I had a gyno appointment yesterday I thought I would be able to drop A and O off at the office (my old place of work) to either daddy or grandma, whom of which neither were there. I had to go to plan B. I didn't want to leave them with my aunt or sister since I knew they were busy and besides I don't feel like I am imposing when it is the kids dad or grandma, but I know my kids can be a huge pain in the rear so I do feel like I am imposing when it isn't someone who HAS to love them. Aunts love can quite possibly be less unconditional. Anyway I was scrambling since Oliver isn't in an infant seat anymore. Not after the airlines lost ours. We used Andi's old seat and he hates it less than the infant seat so even though we got our seat back, plus a $50 voucher, we are keeping him in the car seat. Only minus, I no longer have a "baby holder", I don't carry a stroller in the car with me since I only have room for Lily's wheelchair so I was thinking ok, baby on lap while legs in stirrups? Probably not. I start calling around, I call Allison, she lives by the Dr. She wasn't home BUT her hubby was and I could borrow her daughters infant seat! Score! I run by grab that seat, and pull up to the Dr.'s office.
I shamefully walk in. I just know people are saying, she is pregnant again? I want a shirt that says "I'm just here for a pap". It was 30 minutes after my scheduled apt and we are still in the waiting room. Oliver has had it and is hungry. I start to nurse him, and just like going to the bathroom while out to eat and your dinner comes, the nurse calls my name. I have to take him off my boob and boy that wasn't cool with him. So I have this screaming baby. Oh did I mention Andi starts telling me how she HAS TO POOP NOW! The nurse holds Oliver while I weigh myself. I cough out the number to her just so no one over hears that I am 4 months post partum and still have weight to loose. I get Andi to the bathroom, and she wasn't kidding, she really had to go. I get to my room. I put Ollie down in the infant seat while I get naked and he screams. The Dr. comes in. Ollie screams. I get into position. Ollie screams. It was fantabulous fun! The Dr. asks me what I am doing about birth control and I just point to my kids and say "that". Dr. laughs, asks "seriously", since you can tell he'd rather me not procreate ever again as well, I said daddy got taken care of so we're good. He said we need to make sure it took though and have his sperm tested. Ok, I promise, I will not walk into this office again carrying a baby in my tummy ever again. Scouts honor. The Dr. really was patient and awesome and he is really the reason I had Oliver. I just wanted to spend the next nine months bs'ing about life with him. Not really, but kind of. Let me know if you want a referal. He really is that good.
But let me just say that whole experience really taught me that, while no I can't poo alone, I can't be violated by my Dr. alone either. I had to look over at wide eyed Andi and say "this is only ok because he is a Dr."
Sigh....I need a massage....alone!

Abuse

2009-05-27T13:54:00.003-07:00

With in less than 5 minutes I heard on the news this AM about one woman who threw her two kids off a bridge, the 4 yr old boy did not survive, however his 7 year old sister did. I also heard about the woman who threw a 2 month old baby in a car seat, at a Wal-Mart employee when caught shoplifting.
It was 6:30am. I had already been up for an hour with Oliver, not to mention being up previously at 1:30am, and 3:30am. Andi had already came into my room at 5 to 6 am that morning and I was in a less than thrilled mood not wanting to think about the fact I had to get Oliver down so I could get Lily up, feed her, dress her, do her hair (ack!) and have her school ready, plus get myself ready, all the while telling Andi no we cannot go swimming at 7am, then getting in the car and get to Lily’s school by 7:30am for her IEP. Mood, not awesome. Andrew stayed back and put Lily on the bus and entertained the other two while I discussed the goals we will have for our daughter’s next school year. We talked about how her speech has really hit a plateau and they can’t give her more than 30 minutes a month. Of course unless she shows some great spikes in development in that area, then it will be revisited. I got to listen how they will work at hand over hand feeding and see if we tell her no sweets unless she feeds herself will help motivate her. I got to listen about all the equipment that is necessary to help my daughter work to her full capacity and I thought about the “mother” who threw her kids over a bridge. I can’t possibly imagine what could have been so wrong to throw your kids over a bridge. Now I may have suggested that Andi’s tantrums have made me imagine myself driving off a bridge, but of course I’m not being literal. To ever actually cause harm to my child. I can’t imagine.
I have spanked Andi. I am actually against spanking and vowed to never do so. Then I met Andi. Up until recently I had no idea how to manage her tantrums. I felt as out of control as she was and I spanked her. It did nothing but fuel the flame. We went back and forth, I used language that a child should never hear and again my control was gone. Time out? HA! It wasn’t until I heard a caller ask Dr. Laura what to do with her out of control preschooler and Dr. Laura said “ignore her” the mom said “that’s it?” “Yup” was all Dr. Laura said and I thought, it has to be worth a try. So the next tantrum, it wasn’t a long wait, I ignored Andi, totally and completely ignored her. She slammed her door maybe 5 times. She folded her arms across her chest and said “HUUUMMP” maybe 10 times. Stormed to her room and stayed there for awhile. Next thing I heard with sniffling and an “I’m sorry Mommy”. I honestly never said a word, not one. I am not wonder woman, I had to grit my teeth, I had to count to 10 and I had to think of rain on a spring day falling on a green lawn… I thought of the beach with the roaring waves and the bright sun tanning my 20 year old body, I thought of Zac Efron handing me a shot of tequila or 3, taking them off his rock hard… what? It’s my daydream! You get the point. I had to loose where I was and it was a miracle. That wasn’t the only time ignoring worked, it has helped on several occasions and again I thank Dr. Laura.
My point is parenting is hard. Parenting is heart breaking. I have a daughter that every skill she masters is written on an IEP. She has goals that were written years ago and have yet to been checked off. Not to mention the ones I have in my head. I also have a daughter who has tested my patience beyond anything I could ever imagine, whom I have a battle with every day. And a perfect little baby boy that we all know will be throwing toys at me too someday. Parenting is HARD and judging other moms is really an unnecessary evil. We are all different and will all deal differently with our kids and discipline.
But throwing your kids over a bridge? Using an infant as a weapon? Those are places my mind can’t even go to. There are teens giving birth and throwing their baby in the trash because they are afraid to get into trouble? These stories turn my insides out. They crush my heart and leave me wondering why there is no license for parenting.
So while I was frustrated, exhausted and not ready to start my day, I watched those news stories and held my baby tight in my arms and vowed no matter what kind of arguments we got into, no matter what tantrums I deal with, I would never throw any of my kids over a bridge. Not literally of course, but not in theory either. I won’t give up no matter how tempting it may be at times to get in a car and drive as far as I can. When we make the conscious decision to be a parent we give up a huge part of our lives. It isn’t instantaneous; actually it took me 2.5 kids into this parenting thing to really make some changes. But change has to come.
Parenting is a road of learning. I do think that I am getting better at it every day and I am making conscious efforts to do right by my kids and by my husband and will strive to continue.
I also vow to never get a puppy again. And I vow to not watch Jon and Kate plus 8, yes I slipped this weekend and I am sorry. But the weekend was long and man did they make that episode look so very watch able. But I was right and it totally wasn’t. That is an example of what I will not do. I so badly wanted to be famous. I spent my first 20 years hoping for it, but if it were at the cost of my family, well you’d have better luck hanging me by my finger nails to a tree.
Off soap box. Bet some of you wish I went back into seclusion.

Bye, bye, bye

2009-05-23T17:08:00.000-07:00

Andrew took the girls up to Greer this weekend with my parents. When my mom came by to get the girls, they rode up with her, she asked Oliver what he would do without his sisters, as he was watching Andi, laughing. I said "he'll get to eat when he needs to, he'll be held more, get a bath...", my mom laughed.
I was serious.

American Idol season 8 review right here

2009-05-21T14:55:00.002-07:00

Most of you whom have been reading my blog for years now know that I am a big American Idol fan and have been watching/blogging about it since well… probably season 4. Well watching since day 1 season 1, back in 2002. But the whole blogging thing didn’t start to around season 4. I did it a lot of the previous blog that I had to shut down for a reason or nother. I know nother isn’t a word, ok. Chill red squiggly line.
Anyway, you may have noticed that I have said not one word about this season. But you probably have also noticed I have said not one word about a lot of things, seeing how this blog is my red headed step child. I should really rename it to that. But I digress…
I have wanted to talk about AI, but really the time escapes me. I am relishing today on the fact that it is near freezing this May afternoon at a brisk 85 degrees and cloudy so I have a reason to not spend an hour of my day in the pool with Andi. I know my life as a stay at home mom is really super hard and trying on my poor soul. But I actually get a minute to spend writing. And not just one liners on Facebook. Or Twitter. Geeze what are these words, what would I have thought of them if I had this blog in my hands 10 years ago. Blog, WTH is a blog?
Ok.. I just wanted to say that last night’s finale was AWESOME! I really mean it!
I loved the music! I loved the duet with Kris and hottie bo bottie Keith Urban. I loved Danny singing with Lionel Richie and can I just say that man looks AMAZING! How old is he now anyway? What a stud. Makes me feel like dancing on the ceiling… I don’t know, I do drugs. Not really, but it is funnier if I did.
I thought Randy looked adorable Tuesday night and Wednesday night. Some may have chuckled about his wardrobe but I found it rather foxy.
I have never liked Adam, not at all. I think it is b/c I have HD and he really looks kinda bad on HD. I know I shouldn’t judge, I am sure I would look pretty crappy on HD too and am thankful my modeling days were in the old days of cable. Or whatever, not HD.
But his make up is so make-up”y” you know? Ok I know it isn’t about that. He is a talented guy, but the screaming. And the tongue. Ugh. And I am even not really against the whole “guyliner” thing, actually one time at dinner at a fancy restaurant in Scottsdale our table sat across the drummer from Marilyn Manson and he had “guyliner” on and I couldn’t help but find him oddly attractive. Of course never more than my gorgeous husband, but it surprised me that I thought it looked good on that guy. Ok point, Kim? My point is make up on a guy isn’t that horrible, but let the “guyliner” be just that, we don’t need glitter as well do we? And Kiss? Yuck! It is hard to take Gene Simmons serious or not serious, whatever, after you see him a normal funny talking guy on TV. And aren’t those guys getting a little too old for all that silliness?
I liked Danny from the beginning and am surprised he didn’t take the whole thing, but I am not worried one bit about him. He will go on and do well. I find it very sweet that he continues to wear his wedding ring and that is great that he never spoke of his wife who passed to insure no pity votes. But he really did not need any sympathy votes, he can really sing.
Kris was my second favorite and I am glad he won. I was surprised by his humbleness and thought he should have had a little more faith in his self. He said Adam should have won…that was the time to finally feel validated, I mean 100 million votes! Seriously? You won a majority of almost 100 million votes. You’re good dude. Smile. Say yay.
I have to be honest though while watching “We are the Champions” I figured if I were watching the show for the first time not knowing who is who, I would expect Adam to win the thing by hearing him sing that song. He really blew me away with that song and to be totally honest even though he was not my favorite, I still thought he should have taken the crown, or statue, or whatever they were giving away this season.
I really truly enjoyed this finale. It was not my favorite season and I think it is because the girls were just so very awful this year. I mean I am pretty sure I could have sung better than Megan last night. I’m also pretty sure we won’t be seeing any of those girls again, well… except for Allison. But the rest, we may see, but it won’t be on a stage singing.
I will always love season 7, maybe has something to do with David Cook :) whom by the way…LOVED last night! But I also loved last season’s Idol Gives Back (where was that this year anyway?) and I still listen almost daily to the Top 10 singing Shout to the Lord. You don’t even have to like God to like that song. But I do actually like God so it is even cooler for me. It is the best collaboration of all the Idols songs ever. Well of course all this is said in my most humble opinion.
I think I will always have a soft spot for Idol season 1. I can clearly remember sitting on the couch holding my 2 week old daughter, Lily, with tears streaming down my face as Kelly sang “Moment like this” it sure didn’t move me like that when Justin sang it. I had a hard time at first with Lily bonding. I was so tired and had no idea being a mom would be so tough those first couple weeks, but holding her, hearing those words hit me like a ton of bricks and yeah that was a moment I had waited my lifetime for. Then a week later Lily started having seizures and her story started there, so yeah I guess that moment holding her watching AI will always be a poignant moment in my life.
But even if it wasn’t my favorite of seasons, it was my one of my favorite finales!
I don’t care what other say I love the Norman Sparkles or whatever his name is. I always laughed when he would sing and be silly and I enjoyed his little shtick last night.
Bikini girl and Cara… ugh. Cara bugs me and it annoys me that she did that last night. Some think it was funny, I found it a little desperate. I thought she was ridiculous to call the very annoying bikini girl a b back at the auditions, even if she deserved it, it still was very unprofessional. But I loved when Ryan said “I was going to ask you what was new, but I think I already know!” That was classic!
This is what happens when I have a few minutes of time on my hands. I purge. So much I want to say, so many run on sentences to write. Grammar kind of looses to getting it out in a matter of time. You know the whole quantity over quality.
So I would LOVE to hear all your comments on my comments and whatever you enjoyed about the show, the season. Whatever… purge along with me. That way I won’t feel so dirty.

Be A Star

2009-05-16T06:31:00.003-07:00

As I grew up I had one dream that I knew would be hard to reach, but not impossible. I wanted to be on the cover of People magazine. When I was young I always saw super stars, amazing people, beautiful people gracing that cover. You had to be pretty special to make that cover. I thought I could have my wedding to Brad Pitt be covered and our first baby....what I didn't know was all I had to do is have a bunch of babies at one time. I mean the $10k to get invitro is merely an investment that will be paid back plus when I have the TV show, the book deals, and of course reaching my lifetime goal, People Magazine cover.

Break up?

2009-05-12T08:27:00.003-07:00

It's not you, it's me. You're great, really, I just. Well, it's hard to say. I'm just not "feeling" it lately. I'm sorry.
All kidding aside, holy crap this 3rd kid has done me in and all my blogging! I do my best to keep up with Lily's site and this one, well it's the red headed step child. My apologies to all the red headed step children out there.
Being a stay at home mom to three kids is wowza. And one is in school. I can't wait to see what awaits me this summer. If the baby is sleeping I may actually shower and shave. Other times I clean instead. The house. I'm trying to keep up with the house work and myself, but damn if it ain't hard!
Now that it is a million degrees outside I have Andi begging to go swimming from 7am 0n. Seriously 7am. So if I get the baby down it is a choice between cleaning, showering or swimming.
Swimming usually wins, now if I could just shave and shampoo in the pool I would at least kill two birds. My apologies to the birds, bad analogy.
I like how I am apologizing considering I doubt anyone reads this thing anymore, which brings me to two choices. Take a break, make it public and not worry about it in the middle of the night when I really should be sleeping considering I am still only getting 3-4 hour stretches at a time. Or just come on here when I feel the need to purge. Like I could have Mother's Day. Andrew had knee surgery and was laid up. Totally not his fault. He did what he could, but it was pretty big surgery. So I had to take care of him, plus a special needs 6 year old who decided to have a spider bite on. her. eye! Her eye swelled up like a balloon! It was so scary. I also have a needy 3 month old, of course. And the only other human being in my home that can actually do something for herself really would rather me do it all, all the while being attached to my hip and needing surgical removal.
Sigh.
Yeah I'll keep this up just so I can do that.

Super Powers

2009-04-18T07:39:00.003-07:00

I thought maybe I'd break out the old laptop while baby is sleeping, Lily was just fed and Andi is watching my cartoon crush, Handy Manny. He took Aladin's place.

We went to South Dakota Monday and came home late Tuesday. I have the full details on Lily's blog so I won't go thru all that again. I will share with you all the cliff notes.

My faith in humanity was not restored. Getting on the plan Andrew told me not to stress because "not all people are a-holes". Well as a matter of fact, yes for the most part, they are. At least the two "gentlemen" we asked to trade seats with were. It just shows that being a realist and Andrew being an optimist, I have a more accurate look on the world than my dear sweet husband. But bless his heart for thinking the way he does.

Oliver ended up being an angel on our flight to Denver, which our seat mates didn't deserve, but he was. Then we had to fly to Sioux Falls and in our transit from one plane to the other I lost my flower. I know sounds a lot more sexy than it was. My shoe. My shoes my mom let me borrow, Taryn Rose shoes. Black flats with a cute flower on them. One flower fell off. No where to be found. So I was walking around looking rather silly.

Once we make it to the funeral home, heart break hits. We see the devastation that is called cancer. Hundreds flooded the funeral home to pay respect to a selfless woman.

We got to talk with family we hadn't seen in years. It was good to hug Andrew's uncle. In fact hug him several times. I wish my hug could erase pain, but it didn't. Someone should give me that superhero quality. Maybe I'd hug more often.

It was a tough trip and it was a fast trip. I don't ever want to travel with a 10 week old ever again. I guess I never will. Oliver will never be 10 weeks again and my husband is doing the selfless act of getting his nuts cut and we will never have a 10 week old ever again.

Did I mention when we got home we arrived in a different terminal, then we finally got our car we ran out of gas on the over pass and coasted into the off ramp. My dad was our knight and shining armour and Andrew and I didn't speak to each other for about 12 more hours.

Ahh such is life. Oh and did I mention our dog, Hailey, the old one, is having seizures? Yeah you know I was thinking to myself the other day, what can I add to my life list. Special needs child that requires nursing and heavy duty meds, check. A ornery 4 year old who refuses to nap and sucks every bit of energy out of me, check. A newborn who is only calm when held, cries in the car seat and refuses to relax in a swing, check. Hey how about a 12 year old dog who has arthritis and now seizures, check.

Sweet!

The Call

2009-04-10T09:55:00.003-07:00

If you've been around long enough you have experienced, the call.
It tends to be late at night or comes with the early morning dew. It can be expected or not. You hear the ring, you wake up and you say to yourself, no. Your stomach drops, your heart skips a beat and your mouth feels like it's been stuffed with cotton. You take a breath and you answer, the words pierce you like knives. "They are gone". You fumble with your words. You say what? when? seriously?... and to yourself why? You thank the caller whom all you want to do is reach through the phone and grab them, hug them, and say I am so sorry, but you don't. You say thanks and hang up. You sit there for a few minutes before the tears can catch up. You wake up your spouse and repeat what you just heard. "They are gone" and once those words escape your lips is when that lump goes to your throat, your chin trembles and the tears flow.
Your memories shoot back to the good times. Not to the cancer that destroyed a vibrant woman, you think of Mexico. Watching her laugh. Watching her parasail. Watch her as a mother, as a wife. You think of her and all she did for your family while you didn't think much of it. You think that there has never been a holiday that went by without a handmade card from her. How she spent so much time on those quilts for the girls Christmas 2007. You think of how life can be so unfair.
You stumble back to a light sleep and dream. Dream. Dream.
It wasn't my cell phone that rang, it wasn't my ears pierced with those words, it was Andrew. Unfortunately I have gotten two of those phone calls and know what my husband felt and my heart broke for his loss. Most of all my heart broke for his uncle and cousin. It was Andrew's aunt we lost and with that loss took a loving wife and mother and way too early. Her family had to watch this disgusting awful cancer take her away so slowly and I can't imagine their pain.
She was such an amazing,incredible woman whom we will all miss with a passion.
We will be heading to South Dakota next week to attend her services and be with family.

Spunky Andi

2009-04-02T11:14:00.002-07:00

Why do I need to think of something to say when I can just repeat what my 4 year old says...

Andi had a shirt on with a word on the back
Andi: This shirt says barbie dot com
Mom: No it doesn't
Andi: What does it say then?
Mom: Guess (as in the brand)
Andi: See I told you it said barbie dot com

Andi: Mommy
Mom: Yes
Andi: On my birthday when I turn 5 can it be a surprise party?
Mom: Sure

For financial reasons we had to pull Andi out of pre k so these are the conversations we have all. day. long.

Blame it on Dr. Laura

2009-03-30T13:23:00.002-07:00

So I started listening to Dr. Laura several months ago, probably about 6 months. Believe me it took me a long time to like her. I used to listen to her in my 20's and hated her. I wasn't living the best life I could so of course I didn't like her. But as I matured and realized what she was saying I listened and put her words into action and my life changed. My marriage went from constant small battles to peace. I was more patient with the kids and the biggest thing that I wanted to follow yet couldn't was be "my kids mom" (stay at home mom). I was so conflicted with the thoughts of wanting to be home with my kids (I was pregnant with Oliver at the time) but needing that second income. The more I listened the more I knew this is something I had to do. The only reason we needed that second income is we got ourselves in stupid debt but thanks to a crappy year we got a nice income tax return and since my employer is cancelling our 401k I am withdrawing that money and now have enough money to get out of that debt. Now although I am still employed, I handed over my old position (payroll/HR) and now am doing light work that is done easily at home. Andrew may be in a position to make more money leaving us in an alright place with my much less income. It seems like the planets aligned so being at home is where I am meant to be and it has been nice....but I am getting a little stir crazy and thinking I will be doing this for 5 years is a little scary. I am used to adult interaction (ok I get a little with facebook, but I can't eat lunch with people on there!) and I guess I thought we'd be able to do things out of the house, but that is not really happening with this baby. I cannot believe I got Andi incarnate and it is really wearing on me. I thought when I was pregnant, this baby has to be chill. He has to be. NO baby could ever be like Andi (for those of you not around when she was a baby, well she was like she is now, just a lot smaller) and he is JUST LIKE HER! Screams, and I mean screams, in the car seat everywhere we go. Everywhere. Hates the swing. Hates the bouncy seat. Loves my boobs. Only difference is I can actually lie him down for naps and I have him in the crib, Andi slept with us until she was 3. But since I am determined to have him in the crib I am going into his room still up to three times a night leaving me exhausted and short with Andi the next day and some times I wonder if I can handle having her home with me all day every day for the next year and 4 months, not really counting the days until kindergarten...
I think this is stemming from a short trip to Michael's that ended up disastrous with a screaming baby and everyone looking at me like I was a murderer. I just wanted to get a craft for my daughter so she can do something at home instead of watching TV and making messes in her room. Not to mention her pretending to have a baby in her room for hours on end....sigh.
I just am feeling overwhelmed and think what would I be doing if I were at work?
I am hoping I am not the only person who has decided to be a stay at home mom and took some time to adjust. I know summer is soon and we can spend time at the pool when Oliver is sleeping and Lily has fun summer school for 3 weeks, not to mention the whole week of VBS at church for Andi :)
I guess I thought I would be able to do things with Andi, clean the house all the while the baby calmly hangs out in the swing and life would be dandy, but it really isn't like that. I have to hold him when he is awake and that makes chores harder. I do sling him and that is fine, but hurts my shoulder after awhile (my shoulder thing isn't new, it is a mess).
Wow, complain complain.
I guess this should be a place to humor myself and not complain.
By the way at 1am last night during feeding #1, I thought up an amazing kids book that I know would fly off the shelves, anyone know how to get that started? Seriously. totally cute!

I'm a mom

2009-03-17T18:28:00.002-07:00

It's Andi's 4th birthday today and she has been attending a spring break camp at her gymnastics gym, I sent her with 2 dozen cupcakes in tupperware to celebrate. I felt a bit panicky about not getting my tupperware back and decided to write our name on them. Then I realized, I am totally a mom. It didn't take me having 3 kids to realize it, it just took some tupperware.

Support

2009-03-14T18:45:00.002-07:00

Here is a link of a fellow reader who is asking for votes for her dream to be fulfilled. It sounds like an awesome dream and I would like to do what I can to help.
Go to her blog if you'd like and read all about it:
The Bossy Yankee

"It's better to have love and lost.."

2009-03-12T13:46:00.002-07:00

Whomever said that crap is full of it! I had my blackberry since Sept. I got all my emails on it, texting was easy as pie and I got the game brickbreaker. I hadn't lost an Ebay auction since I got that phone! Well due to "hard times" I had my blackberry revoked. Taken away. Gone. Bye Bye Bye.
Had I never known the wonders of IMing my friends. Facebook notices. Brickbreaker (have I mentioned that?). I would have never known what I was loosing. But I know.
I have to text old school now. I have to log on to my computer for my emails. What is that all about? And I lost two nursing Mamajama tanks off Ebay yesterday. Sigh.
Now I know how MC Hammer felt.

Convos While Milking

2009-03-09T14:47:00.002-07:00

Little guy is latched on, drinking away, outside the loud roar of the lawn mower goes and his big blue eyes widen and he looks at me for the answers.
"That is a lawn mower, don't worry, you'll only hear that a couple times a year, it isn't something daddy does often."

I'm trying to get back in the game folks, give me time, it's been crazy. Hormones.

It's been rough

2009-03-03T14:11:00.002-07:00

I haven't been posting much since things have been too crazy...please go to Lily's blog to see what is happening now...

Friday the 13th

2009-02-17T09:08:00.004-07:00

We had quite a Freaky Friday the 13th. That sounds like a before and after puzzle on Wheel of Fortune.
I woke up feeling like I was peeing. Then I sat up and it felt like a baby's head coming out. Not kidding and so sorry this is so gross. I am pretty certain my readers (if I have any left) are all female. Anyway, it was a clot bigger than my fist. Then the blood continued and continued. I ended up in the ER. I bawled. I didn't want to be away from my breast fed only baby. Thank God I pumped when I was engorged and my mother in law was able to feed him while I was away, but it broke my heart nonetheless. Andrew lectured me since by the time we were at the hospital I was bleeding out of control. Thru everything! He said I should have gone in sooner. I didn't think it was that big of a deal.
The ER doc checked me (!) um regardless of what just came out the last thing I want in is a Dr.'s finger! Then I got an ultrasound. Told me to call my Dr., since he didn't work at that hospital, and schedule a D&C (!). Ugh! He sent me with meds that might help. My Dr. wasn't in that day, but being the Dr. he is, he called me. He was on call that weekend so he told me to call no matter what around 6pm and let him know how I was doing. Well turns out my body was doing what it was supposed to do. By dinner time my bleeding had slowed down and I called him to say I think it was resolving itself. He said he was there until Sunday AM so come into the ER anytime and he'd take care of me if needed. After the phone call I had one more HUGE clot. I saved it and showed it to my mom. I know it is totally gross, but my mom digs that stuff, she should have been a nurse, but she WAS a phlebotomists back in the day. Anyway, everyone was grossed out, but I was done. I got better afterwards. By the end of Friday the 13th I was fine.
I never called the Dr. and never went in. He called Sunday afternoon on his way out of town just to make sure I was doing ok and to let me know he would be out all week and if I need anything one of his partners could help out. I mean he called from his cell phone on his way out of town. Like isn't that the coolest Dr. on the planet? This guy is so amazing! I have to find a great thank you card for him.
Trying to be funny with Andrew yesterday I said "I really wish that Dr. didn't check my oil because it really hurt and now it is still uncomfortable" and he looks at me and says "HE PUT HIS FINGER UP YOUR BUTT?!" a little angry and I said "no!" he said "that is what checking your oil means and if he did that is totally wrong and unnecessary!" I mumbled back about trying to use his lingo and I will just not try that next time.
Hey nothing more exciting than getting the Victoria Secrets Swimsuit catalogue in the mail when you are less than 2 weeks postpartum. Sigh.

Baby Oliver

2009-02-07T11:00:00.001-07:00

Here is the link to his birth story and pictures:
http://lilyannablu.blogspot.com

5 second rule

2009-02-04T16:49:00.003-07:00

We were at my OB apt on Monday (Andrew, Andi and myself) and our witty Dr. handed Andi a sucker and she took off the wrapper and accidentally dropped it on the floor. She bent down to pick it up and the Dr. said "Oh No! The 5 second rule does NOT apply at a Gynecologist's floor".
Gross

Still pregnant

Still here

2009-01-31T08:25:00.003-07:00

Hey folks I'm still here. Baby is not. Even though I was so excited and encouraged to hear 50% effaced and 2m dilated on Tuesday, it is Saturday and nothing is happening. That is ok though, I have stuff on Ebay that ends today and I need to send those out. Tomorrow is Super Bowl so I don't think we should be at the hospital then. Although if the game is anything like 2 weeks ago I may just burst my water stressing (GO CARDS!!!). Monday I am so busy with Lily and her therapies that maybe Tuesday would be best. Well anyway it goes, I am scheduled for a c-section on Friday the 6th at 6am and have to be there at 4am. Sigh.
I'd love to at least attempt a VBAC before hand so we will be doing some cervix softening the natural way... yeah baby.... and doing some walking...walking...walking... oh and of course stressing out watching the game tomorrow. Can you believe the AZ Cardinals are in the Super Bowl, it is beyond exciting for us natives here?!
I have been so busy at work trying to pass the payroll torch to my sister, who had the position 6 years ago, things have changed in 6 years so we've been working together so she knows everything I did and wouldn't you know they computer would crash in the middle of all that? I think I worked more hours last week than I had the entire year. But what else would I be doing laying down with my feet up? Please. I feel comfortable now though leaving. And so excited that when I do start working again I will be doing a far less stressful job from HOME! Woo Woo! I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom and this is going to be awesome! [computer says wait to hear how she thinks about this whole thing 6 months from now] Did my computer just say something? No, that isn't possible.
So folks I leave you and when I return I could be a human milk factory, or I could be just as I am today, just bigger and crabbier.

Can you believe we are hear already? Wasn't it just June when we returned from NYC and I said guess what?!?! Where does the time go?

It's getting hot in here

2009-01-23T14:06:00.003-07:00

I have had night sweats. I had them something awful after Andi. I live in AZ. I get warm, when it's warm. But hot flashes? I thought those are reserved for women in their 50's.
I have been over whelmed by these damn things that overcome me several times a day.
Like hard core. Minding my own business then boom, sweating, red face, all over an uncontrollable wave of heat that makes me go mad. I was getting my hair done today, you know gotta take care of myself before I hand my life over to a boob sucking, sleep taking little adorable monster, while I am sitting there getting foils put in it comes on. I tell my guy oh no... I start fanning my face and said "hot flash". He says "you're not gonna pass out right?" I didn't answer at first and he said "uh oh" I said, "no". But seriously I loose train of thought. All I want is a pool to jump into. He sarcastically said "I keep it at 68, I know that is a little warm" I said "it could be 20 and this would happen." Boy oh boy I am ready for this baby. I can take the night sweats, it's the flashes that are really uncomfortable... can't wait for menopause.

Dream Weaver

2009-01-19T15:48:00.003-07:00

So it was brought to my attention from my husband that I mentioned an ex boyfriend in my sleep the other night. "What?" I asked horrified, "who?" He said B, I said "whatever B is my brothers name" and then he went on to the part that he asked me in my sleep "B who?" and I said B.T. T is not my brothers last name and unfortunately IS the last initial of said ex. Wow. My face was red. I stammered, "I know I didn't have one of those dreams, I wake up blushing from those." I couldn't figure out why I said that. And was I ever red.
I was fortunate to have had a non jealous reaction from my non jealous husband, but did I ever get crap for the rest of the day. My ears burned each time I called him and he'd answer "This is B". Oh God! It was awful!
But it does bother me that I did that. B wasn't really a boyfriend, boyfriend. We dated, we had fun. I tried to catch him by the toe, but he hollered so I let him go. I did recently spend a day reading my diary from my early 20's and this person was mentioned quite a bit so I am sure that could be some of the reasons and the fact that my brother in law ran into him and he asked about me and my brother in law told my husband who in turn told me about it.
I guess the memories were fresh? I don't know.
I do thank my hubby for being so good about it. I can't say I would react the same. I would have been pissed to hear some other name out of his mouth in his slumber.
Sigh.
By the way, that journal from my 20's is a good read. I have been tempted to just write it all down here, but then I would really be opening myself up. I wasn't the best person back then and that would be admitting and sharing what kind of person I was. It would also show who I am now, but I just don't know. Maybe after the baby and I have no writing material at all. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Shower me!

2009-01-18T07:14:00.002-07:00

I had my shower yesterday and it was fabulous! My mom goes above and beyond everything she does and this was no exception! What a blast! I had over 35 guests! I got just about everything I needed and just need to do some running this week to finish up the rest! Not too bad for 37 weeks hu?
I'm getting so excited! I am also rethinking the whole VBAC thing. I go in on Tues and get checked. I am thinking if I am not anything, I may just schedule the c-section. I can't help but think if something goes wrong, it didn't have to. Plus I saw the childs head on the ultra sound.
Besides, I have never gone into labor on my own, the odds of doing it before my due date is rare.
Anyway, I will have my appointment and then make my decision.

Hummus ???

2009-01-16T10:25:00.003-07:00

So I gave into another frosting craving the other night. I brought the tub to bed with me, plus graham cracker and some milk, my hands were full. I waddle into the room, set everything down nicely on my bed stand and slowly put my big self into bed. I get my pillows all situated under me, put the frosting tub on my belly (my food holder), pulled out my knife and started frosting my graham cracker. All this time Andrew is watching me and my ritual. I finally look over at him and say "what?" He asks "What are you eating?" I said "Hummus".
He just looks at me, my tub of frosting and looks back at Anthony Bourdain.

What? I felt better about myself just thinking it was hummus.

Hey I have an idea....

2009-01-10T13:23:00.003-07:00

How about no more effing dogs! I have spent this morning taking "too scared to go outside alone Geri(atrics)" out to poo and pee several times. Cleaning (gagging) up "too old and lazy to go outside Hailey" puke. Yelling at "too hyper to ever just re-freaking-ax Fiona". Oh plus spent over 15 minutes picking up dog poo outside and washing the walls that old Hailey likes to rub her dirty body against.
Sigh. Andrew is snowboarding. I said he could go one weekend and it had to be this weekend before I am technically full term. But it isn't the kids I need help with, it is the house full of dogs that is totally wearing on me.
I am not going anywhere since I am having a hard time carrying Lily. I did have to bathe her myself this morning and I really need Andrew's help with that. But she needed a bath so I did it.
I'm tired.
Go Cards!

Once upon a time...

2009-01-05T10:29:00.002-07:00

January used to be a big month for me modeling here in Phoenix (locally). January I had something each weekend. There is the big bridal show, the Barrett Jackson Car auction and the Phoenix Open (FBR). This of course was all before I had Lily and got too busy and unable to do all this. Nothing to do with my body ok, I still totally could have done it, I was just overloaded with Lily and all that entailed with her those first few years. Alright?!
So all these commercials were playing yesterday, first the car auction. I sighed to myself, I used to work the VIP tent there wearing million dollar jewels trying to sell them to guys who just bought million dollar cars.... Andrew said said something about he remembered those days as well and I said that was 2.5 kids ago.... sigh...
We go about doing our thing and then a commercial comes on for the FBR Open and I sigh again, "I used to work the VIP tents meeting people such as Steve Young and others".... then Andrew says "that was three tubs of frosting ago." He was kidding and we both laughed. Well after I called him a jerk.
So what! I finally gave into my craving and got the tub of frosting out and sat and ate graham crackers and frosting, I had to, it was screaming at me from the fridge.
But I laughed and told Andrew just how lucky he is that I can take his jokes in stride and how most other 8 month pregnant wives might not think that was so funny.
But I did. It was. And the frosting was good. And those jobs weren't that cool. My kids are way cooler.

8 Years Ago Today....

2008-12-31T09:19:00.002-07:00

8 years ago I was a single (divorced) 22 year old living in my own place, I got all dolled up for a grand night out on the town. I was ready to bring in 2001 and planned on it being a wild year! What I didn't expect was to start dancing with a Freddie Prinze Jr. look alike 18 year old and fall in love and marry him and get pregnant all in 2001.
I can't believe how time has flown by. I can't believe the catch I caught. I can't believe how this once 18 year old kid turned into this amazing husband and father. What 20 year old becomes a dad and steps up to the plate when that child is having seizures and constant hospitalizations?
It hasn't been easy, but I can honestly say I am so grateful for that New Years Eve night 8 years ago and so proud of this family have made and still in process of making.
Although I am not totally proud of my husband who brought home a 6 year Chiuaua wearing a pink sweater who needed a home or she was going to the pound. We have a one year old puppy that has one foot at the pound in my head already, but I guess I would rather a husband sensitive to those things rather than one who didn't care. But this dog is a little ridiculous. She is so stuck up Andrew's hiney that I don't have to care much for her, but since he left this morning she has been stuck up my hiney and my other dogs are not cool with this at all. I am currently sitting on my lazy boy with the lap top on my lap and the dog resting her little tiny head on my left arm. Seriously? I have too much to do than have a dog lie on my arm.... but she is kind of cute. Maybe we should just have a sign that says "We home ugly dogs" I have to get these three together to show what an ugly bunch of dogs we have.
2008 has been a pretty fun year. A little stressful financially, but our health has all been good. I got PREGNANT! Andrew and I had two vacations! That won't be happening again for quite some time I am sure. Lily had a rough time with that damn study, but she is back to good. She has been healthy. Andi has been a little tough on us, but she is getting better. Maybe 2009 will be a fabulous year?! I am praying we have a healthy little boy, a less tantruming 4 year old and a healthy 6-7 year old who maybe picks up a few new skills!! AND NO MORE PETS!
I wish you all a very Happy New Year and I pray all your dreams come true this year!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2008-12-29T10:15:00.005-07:00

Ya ya ya... I've been busy. Plus I got in trouble for being on the internet while at work, so I am trying to refrain and at home I have no time for talking about my feelings.

So here is our Christmas card for all you internet buddies I do not have an address for:
(click on pix to see it bigger I can't get the text to show up, it reads: "We hope the economic crisis hasn't affected you like it has us". Why must we always be so serious?)

I figure I should be a little better at playing Santa as Andi asked Christmas morning why Santa had the same wrapping paper as us.
Andrew quickly told her that Santa called us so we could match... sigh.
I'm not letting that bastard get all the credit. Times are hard, Santa gives one gift... I guess I should spend the extra $2 and get different wrapping paper. Next time. I'm learning.

Texting with my neice

2008-12-20T09:30:00.003-07:00

I have awesome nieces and nephew! I got a text from each of them yesterday wishing me a Happy Birthday. I was touched that they thought of their old aunt while on a busy no school Friday!
My 11 year old niece texted me first. I was in line at Starbucks (my first in weeks! I have been so good, but I had to treat myself) and her text came though.

Sky: Happy Birthday!
Me: Thanks!
Sky: Your 29 right?
Me: No! 30! Ack!
Sky: Ha Ha That sucks.

I stifled a giggle in line and thought, that was funny. She is a witty kid. And I can't wait for the day that I write that same very line to her in 19 years. :) Well I am sure it will be programed from my head to hers thru a gadget smaller than my pinkie nail, but the wording will be the same.

30 Year Old in The House!

2008-12-19T10:32:00.002-07:00

I spent so much time worrying about turning 29 that 30 is "a piece of cake" (snap, snap, totally mesmerized by snapping my fingers, one of my fav movies who can name it?)
So silly I was last year. I am totally fine with being 30. I can actually act my age now.
Just the other day I said to Andrew "I want to have a night where our friends come over and we play games." He said, "what like playstation?" I replied, "no like games, board games" he stared blankly at me and I then said "hey I am 30 now! I am allowed to have game nights with friends".
I think the 30's I will find myself much more at home. I was never very good at being in my 20's. Too responsible, too boring.
I think I am finding myself at home.

Jury Duty

2008-12-16T11:32:00.003-07:00

I had to call on Friday to see if I had jury duty on Monday. I called and they said my group number had to call at 11am to see if I was needed that day. I figured there is no way they would need me, right. I mean they seriously expect people to go about their day, call at 11am and have to drop everything and get to downtown Phoenix? Yeah, actually they did seriously expect that.

I had both girls at Music Therapy when I called and they said I had to report at 1pm! WTH?

I call Andrew and said "You have to meet me in Phoenix, grab the girls, I have jury duty". He said, "Oh you're excited" I said, "I would have been excited if I knew days before and got to freaking SHOWER ahead of time". Mondays are sloppy Kim days. It is all about getting Lily from one therapy to another while entertaining Andi. No time for things like hygiene.

So Andrew is able to meet me, I have a great husband! I am so fortunate he has a lot of flexibility in his job and doesn't mind playing Mr. Mom. I got to the (free for jury) parking lot and on the shuttle and got to the jury meeting place at 1pm on the dot.

I sat through two groups being called, then I got called along with 100 (!) others to a room upstairs. The judge comes in, says this case is about blank and blank and it is a murder in the first with death penalty being seeked! I was like man would I ever love to be on that jury! Then they say it will last until almost summer. Bummer. I've got a baby brewing. Sigh.

So they ask all hundred of us yes or no if we can serve. Of course 80% said No so us No's had to go somewhere else and fill out a form and lawyers had to read our excuses and say if they are worthy of being dismissed. I heard so many people mutter with such jealousy, "she's getting off easy" Easy!? I just had an ultrasound, this baby's head measures two weeks ahead! Easy, my ass! I am planning a vbac! So anyway, it took 2 hours to go over our reasons and while we sat I was approached by the young gal next to me for conversation. She and I started talking and then the 18 year old cutie in pre med started chatting as well. Then the handy man behind us and the retired college professor. We talked. A lot. It was interesting to meet people you would never plan to meet and just sit and discuss the world. Oh and how long it takes to read 80 papers.

The girl next to me told me she just had her 22nd birthday and I mentioned I have a Dec birthday as well and I will also be 22. She stared blankly at me and said "really?" I laughed out loud and said "no", but I was surprised at how shocked she was. Do I really look that much NOT 22?

I was one of the first released, after about a two hour wait and walked in the rain to my car. Was in traffic for well over an hour and got home to my family. I thanked God that I don't commute like that daily. That I too have such a flexible job that I can be home with my kids so often and don't stress in the car for hours each day to and from work.
It does suck right now. Pretty bad. This is the first Christmas I haven't gotten a bonus. We weren't prepared for Christmas and it really isn't going to be like the past, but I am totally ok with it. I almost think the Christmas spirit lives so much more vividly in us when money isn't flowing affluently. I gives us more time to reflect on Christmas itself. I know I am acting corny, maybe it is the hormone overload I am experiencing. But I am glad to have what I have this year and feel very blessed.
I am so glad I am teaching my kids the true meaning of Christmas as well, like just the other day Andi said "Without toys, they would be no Christmas."
I might need to work a little harder on her.

Hanging on to my 20's as tightly as possible........

Just a note

2008-12-08T09:49:00.004-07:00

For all of you aspiring authors, myself included, just try writing a freaking Christmas letter and see if you still want to write a book. Nothing more aggravating than writing and editing and writing and editing. It would be easier if we weren't so interesting.

Words of wisdom thanks to Starbucks

2008-12-02T11:09:00.003-07:00

So Kibberts had a saying on her Starbucks one time that said "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women" and we just laughed because what a wonderful saying that is. I know so many girls out there say that they don't like girls, that girls are catty, etc. but if they ever really had a good support of women in their life they would never say that.
If all of us women read that quote and believed that quote, life would be so much better.
I have an attractive husband. There really is no way around that. He is a good looking guy who happens to be very nice. He is hit on a lot and it doesn't matter if I am around or not. I've hinted around about our friend and I really don't need to get into it, but it was just that she liked Andrew and she really made it obvious. Awkward. Anywho, just last night we took the girls to see Santa at the mall. Afterwards I was in a search for Elf on a Shelf from Hallmark and was discouraged to not find it. We are walking to another store when we pass the play area. I tell Andrew to go to his store and I'll sit while the kids play. Well Lily watches while Andi plays. That was going well. Andrew comes back and I say, let me look one more time for that dang book and he says "you got 5 minutes". I come back, empty handed and see some girl talking to Andrew. I walk over and smile at her and say "no go". She just looks back at me. No smile, not even an acknowledgement of my existence. I said "I'm gonna check Barnes and Noble, I'll be right back" and the minute I leave she starts talking again. I really don't care, but I was however annoyed with her reaction to me. It didn't help that I had been up and running since 7:30am that morning with no shower. I am not kidding, running NON STOP with 4 therapies, groceries, Target, house places, etc. I never sat down that day except driving from place to place. I had my hair in a headband and pony tail to hide my greasy roots. I was tired, uncomfortable and not feeling my hottest. She was in there with her kid, full on make up and her hair "did". Maybe she is married, maybe not, whatever. If I was sitting and casually talking to a man and his wife came up I would not only acknowledge her, but make a point to converse with her as well. But of course that is just me. So anyway, B&N didn't have my book either, so I just came back and said "let's go" and she says bye to him and only him. I said "why didn't you introduce me to your girlfriend" playfully and he said "what was I supposed to do, ignore her?" he continued to say that he doesn't know how to react in those situations and he says he just replies friendly. I said "I'm not mad at you, but just annoyed with girls like that." It just brought me back to my quote from that coffee cup.
It should be changed a bit to "women who don't respect other people's marriages will never be in a happy marriage of their own." Their you go Starbucks, you can have that one, on the house.
And maybe add this one too... "people who use handicapped parking that knowingly do not need it will eventually actually NEED that handicapped parking."
Karma... it's a bitch.

Twlight

2008-11-21T11:03:00.003-07:00

Ok I'll admit it. I wanna see it. I was going to wait until Monday to avoid the crazy kids, but I am not sure I can.
Kibberts got me hooked on those books over a year ago. And I admit I kinda wanted some vampire lovin. This is so not my genera of books. This is so not my style. But I love the books and can't wait to see the movie. I may end up in line with all the crazy kids and pretend to be their mom or something.

Wash that world right off my shoulders

2008-11-20T19:03:00.002-07:00

Lily's pediatrician called to say that we are not carriers of this mutation Lily has! The mutation is on her CDKL5 and we will get a full report in a week or so. I am hoping more info on Lily will be on that report. But for now we are breathing a huge sigh of relief.
I also decided with this news to go ahead with a VBAC (I am doing my best to eliminate the word "try" from my vocab)! My OB is on board and I am so excited at trying this thing all natural. The best thing is they can't induce me, which I don't want to be, but the bad side is if I am a week over and don't go into labor naturally I have to have a c-section. So in about 10 weeks or so I think I will be having a lot of sex (sorry maw), drinking castor oil, rubbing some prime eve oil (or whatever that is called), eating spicy foods and doing a lot of mall walking! And asking you all to send me open up that cervix vibes!
I have never gone into labor naturally (and this is only my 3rd!) and I am excited at the thought! I just really hope I can do it and avoid a c-section.
So that is our news, although I may seem to have some mutations I actually don't. And neither does my husband, which I had my money on. YAY!

LOL

2008-11-19T09:55:00.002-07:00

I wanted to share a cute story about my mom.
My mom is trying to keep up in this world of technology. We text her and we are lucky to get an "ok" or "thanks" back. She does email but of course never IM'd. And we did get her on facebook. So she is trying, she is trying.
But you have to imagine my shock when I read a comment she wrote on an online obituary that was done for an elderly family member who passed away that last line read LOL.
I said "Mom! Why would you write LOL on an obituary?" and she said "LOL means lots of love" I said "No Mom! Online LOL means laugh out loud!" (or laugh on line if you may) She was shocked and said "I didn't know!" so I am hoping other family members who read that were thinking she meant lots of love, it was their kids that thought she said laughing out loud.
LOL

"Hey Hunny"

2008-11-18T07:12:00.002-07:00

"Hey Hunny can you stop watching football for a second and take some belly pictures of me, it's been a long time?"

Don't move from your place in bed or anything.

Me and all my ADD glory are on Flickr

Traveling

2008-11-17T16:06:00.002-07:00

Let me just say traveling with a fully abled 3 year old is the easiest thing I have ever done. We were gone for a weekend, flew on Fri and flew back on Sunday and never had one issue. Strangers thought she was the cutest, sweetest thing around and I was pretty proud.
Not sure I'll ever go back to traveling with more than one again. Oh that is right I am pregnant.... with our third.
Well I still don't have to travel with them all, do I?

I can't believe next week is Thanksgiving and it is still in the 80's. Sigh.
Global warming?

Loved

2008-11-11T10:38:00.005-07:00

So Andrew got these tickets to The Cards Monday Night Football game back in Sept. He has been talking about it and has been over joyed for this day. He said I must attend with him and he was inviting one of his closest friends and his wife (whom I love). So I said "sure" thinking Nov. 10th is far away and whatever. Well as the time got closer I started doing my usual duck and cover figuring ways to weasel out. I said maybe he should go with "the guys", when that didn't work I threw the whole no babysitter routine, to where his response was get on the phone with our niece and plan her stay the night (worked out great with a holiday today) so I was stuck. The game started at 6:30pm, it is on the other side of the state, might as well be CA so I knew this would be a long night. What I didn't realize was how many freaking commercial breaks they need for a MNF game. I mean seriously. I tend to do math when I am in situations out of my control as a way to figure out how much longer I will be there and go from there. I figured it took 45 minutes to play 15 minutes of football the first two quarters, the third went by nicely at less than 45 min THEN WTH the 4th quarter was worse than paint drying. Ok not really, it was in all reality an awesome game, but a flag was thrown on almost every play the entire last qtr, it took more than 30 min to play 4 minutes of football. I am not exaggerating. I am pregnant. I wake up with kids through out the night. I was tired, cold and uncomfortable. Yes it was a good game. Cards won, barely. Kurt Warner is incredibly hot, yes those are true facts, but to take 4 hours to play 1 hour of football is beyond ridiculous. And yes I said I was cold. The roof was open and it was a bit chilly. I have no idea how the Packers fans sit out in that weather and cheer on their team. I mean it was down near 60 degrees last night. I was cold!
So I had a lot to think about while I sat there for 4 hours, of course not while they were actually playing, but while the refs went flag crazy, and the commercial breaks were taken and the breaks by the teams.... I thought about how fast this pregnancy is going and I got sad. Baby Ollie was a mad man during the game and I couldn't help but think, will I be on the side lines watching him one day, of course God willing... still waiting for those test results that I feel could make this pregnancy be very stressful. But again God willing, will I be watching my baby boy play football one day? Or soccer or whatever he chooses, but he will choose one day. This is the last time I will be punched in the rib, tickled on my sides and kicked in my bladder. This is the only time he will be all mine, all the time and that made me sad. With the girls I just wanted the pregnancy to be over, I wanted to hold my baby, and I do want to hold him, but I think when there is a finality of knowing you will never experience this amazing feeling, then you really don't want it to go away. I truly do love the feeling of growing a child. That is a weird way of putting it, but that is what happens when a seed is planted, right? And well that is what happened. So anyway I thought about that. Then I was watching the filmographers next to us and saw a guy using actual film and that brought up so many old memories. I remember watching a special talking about how NFL is the only sports organization to still use actual film and it was interesting to see if be done. I was thinking about how in 8th grade my photography class we had to use those black bags you put your arms in the put film into. I was thinking about the dark room and the smells and how much fun that class was. And I wondered what do they do in photography class now? It is all digital, do kids even get to develop their film? Then I thought man I am old. I took typing on an actual type writer and I actually developed my own film in photography. Then I thought about how when I modeled it was shoot and hope you get it. You would have to wait for the film to be developed and get a call that said "we got it!" or "we need to re shoot!" I thought about how glad I am that when I modeled it was the 90's and I was allowed to have hips and be a *gasp* size 6!
I thought about the fact that even though I wasn't doing what I wanted to be doing. I wanted to be in bed. I wanted to have put my kids in their beds. But my husband wanted me to be with him and share in his excitement. He wanted me, not his buddies, me. And that thought made me hold his hand and kiss his cheek.
I felt lucky. I felt loved.
And even at a time that I wasn't my happiest. At a time that I feel there is this cloud over me and until I get the results it will be there and I don't want to think about the results if they aren't what I want. All that didn't matter. Doesn't matter. I'm loved. Whatever happens we will make it through and isn't that all that really matters?

Aggravation

2008-11-07T09:48:00.004-07:00

It is absolutely aggravating that people on ESmay feel the need to rip people off with shipping. I am looking for a baby blanket and the prices look nice, then I see shipping for $8, $9, $10 and I want to knock these people in the head. I know you're hurting right now. We're hurting right now, that is why I am looking for USED items on the internet, but seriously c'mon. I Esmay too. But I guess I am crazy because I charge what it actually costs to ship. I've even been screwed by charging too little, but I eat it up, because I am nice.

Anyway enough whining. I'm tired. Again. Still. Always.

Oh and I went to see The Changeling with my sister and aunt the other night and while yes it is a beautiful movie, acted and directed. It captured my attention and was indeed an awesome movie. It was also awful. I sobbed the whole way through and was sick to my stomach by this true story. This is the second movie in a row that I have seen and coincidentally it was also with my sister and aunt and my sister also choose that other movie "Secret Life of Bees" that left me looking like I had just attended a wake. So no more movie picking for you Jenn! I need a break. Something light, something airy. Maybe like the one I suggested The make a porno movie. That was so much more my alley lately. Leave those heavy ones for you none hormonal girls.

What to post, what to post...

2008-11-05T10:04:00.002-07:00

On the Wednesday after a HUGE election I am wondering do I post my political thoughts? But I have not been political at all. Ok maybe a little, but the only reason I got a little political was because I was so frustrated with all the phone calls and flyer's for the same darn prop daily. But believe me I got a little annoyed at the two calls placed yesterday urging us to vote for John McCain saying there is still time. I did vote. Two weeks ago. By mail. I will say I was really torn this election. I watched Obama during the Dem convention and was glued to the TV. He made a lot of sense and I had a feeling that he might unite a divided country. But then I always had to go back to cutie John McCain. He is a hometown boy. I think if he were Pres during 9/11 the world would be in a different place, but I didn't agree fully on all his issues, nor did I with Obama. I thought it would be nice to a special needs parent in the white house, but then again I know how important those first three years are to any child's development, let alone a special child and was torn if I wanted her in the white house or back with her family, still in a demanding position, but obviously less than running the country if need be. So I was back and forth, back and forth. And I did cast my ballot of John McCain. There was too little I knew about Obama and frankly the union scares me. Not in all situations, especially under government ran companies, but personally right here at home, they are bullies that I do not respect in the least. Sorry that was a little political, but I have deleted my post three times and I think I will just leave it at that. But I will say that although I was a little disappointed, I do have a feeling that this world may be a better place. I am praying it will. Maybe we will be able to help those in need all the while supporting those who work really hard to get where they are at. As long as there is a balance that will be a wonderful thing.
But if I am posting from the public library soon because I have no home let alone internet connection, well we will all know why.
Just kidding.

I hope.

So that is it from me about politics. I like change from time to time and I am being open minded and positive and praying this will be a fresh change. Maybe more money will go to funding things for my Lily bug. And maybe more research money will go towards finding a cure for rare things like whatever Lily has and making this something of the past. I do feel excited to be a part of history. This is a huge stepping stone and another way to unite us!

Let's all hold hands and move forward. Together.

Super Exciting Tuesday!

2008-11-04T09:47:00.002-07:00

Super exciting Tuesday, right? Like this means after today I can go 4 more years without being overloaded with commercials that make me throw my dinner at the TV. I am not even talking about the "Big" guys commercials, it is the little local guys that make me gag. It is funny there is this set that goes after each other, I can't even vote for them, not my district, but if I could I would vote not for any other reason except to vote for the one not slinging the mud. This dude here Lord is his last name, all he does is say nasty things about his opponent and yet I have never heard him once say what he will do in the desired position. Gag me!
And if I have to watch the Prop 102 commercial one more time about how life is so wonderful when a man marries a woman I will vomit. Really vomit.
Wanna know what Andrew said to me last night as I yelled at the show Dr. 90210 (what a bunch of superficial idiots on that show, gag! But yes I do still watch) and then continued to yell the entire time the commercials were going? He said, "I really wish you smoked pot". By the way my day never let up with Andi, it was tough til bedtime and so maybe, just maybe I was a bit high strung, but for my husband to say that, well I guess it might have meant something.
I even skipped yoga last night because I was in such a bad mood. And I know I should have gone, but I just couldn't. Oh and wanna know what else happened last night? I was yelling at Andi when for the millionth time she refused to listen to no, I peed. Yes I peed when I yelled. Then I ran to my room and lied down. I was done. What am I coming to? Not yet 30 and I pee when I yell? I am just 26 weeks pregnant. This kid will be doubling, tripling, no quadrupling his size by due time. What does this mean? OMG! I need depends. I am not even 30 yet.
But wanna know what. I decided to have a different attitude. I woke up today and I was still crabby, but I decided that my crabby mood will not decide my day. I got the kids up. I joked with them, gave them more hugs than usual and made a vow to myself I will not yell. I will not yell. I will not yell. God I can't. I am pretty sure God did that to me to show me not to yell. I didn't even have to go the bathroom. So anyway lesson learned. I am going to be more conscious about letting my patience get away from me.
I am only sharing this to be honest. I am sure I will get comments about yelling is bad and whatever and that is fine. Some people live their entire existence pretending to never crack up, but I can't pretend. I am honest. I am hormonal and honest and apparently have a weak bladder. I am sharing that too, b/c well... I am not sure why I shared that. I am going to crawl under a rock now.

Is it Tuesday yet?

2008-11-03T13:31:00.003-07:00

Is it bad that I cannot wait to sit and print page after page then fold, address and mail them over and over again tomorrow as opposed to stay home one more day with Andi? I know it sounds awful, but if I didn't get three days a week to work and she goes to school, I would be far more aged than I already am.
It is exhausting raising this child. She refuses to nap. I can get her to lay down after fighting for an hour, but I can't physically make her fall asleep... well legally I can't.
Our car rides she makes demands that are not feasible while I am driving. When did I ever manage to fix head phones, take off shoes, smell stinky feet, put on Mama Mia (for the 80th time), grab a pencil, no not that one the princess one, no that is Ariel, I want Jasmine.... I guess I should be able to steer with my toes while me and my large belly are turned around attempting to please each request, while texting. The funny thing is, I always say "when I stop". I always say that and I always follow thru with that, yet she seems to think every time she requests the answer will change, then of course when I don't take off Lily's shoes so she can try them on, she screams and cries and then throws something at me. I tell her each time you throw something at me it tells me you do not want it and I will throw it away. And I do. Today it was a doll car seat. And then more screaming and crying. Just one thing after the other. Kibberts watched her this morning so I could take Lily to horse therapy and have speech at home, then I got her and from the minute I picked her up she has been nothing but a brat. She threw a tantrum on the way to music therapy. Was fine there. Then threw a fit on the way home. She sassed me while at home and after screaming (on my part) now she is lying down, but every time I go in and look at her, she is wide awake.
Then when I left Lily's lunch on the couch to wipe Andi's poopy butt, the freaking idiot dog that I can't stand ate Lily's burger. More screaming.
I am sure baby Ollie is afraid to come out of my tummy because he knows that he'll be screamed at too.....
I hate this. I hate fighting. I hate yelling.
Why must she always be on volume 10?
Sigh.
Frustrated and still sleep deprived...

"Oh I need a drink"

Office Humor

2008-10-31T11:01:00.002-07:00

I was waiting for a co-worker to fill up her water bottle before I could fill up my uber earth friendly styrofoam cup and I said "You know that is no longer smart water." She says "I know" then I said "I think it is now dumb water." She laughed.

And I thought...

2008-10-29T10:15:00.004-07:00

And I thought I had a lot on my mind before keeping me up at night... sigh....

There is so much I'd like to say, but at this point it is impossible to have two cohesive thoughts that make any sense. So let me just show you how either poorly I speak, or how poorly the Starbucks barista hears....

I say Kim you say Pam, tomato tomato.

From Lily's blog (cut and paste)

2008-10-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

This is too important to not share on both blogs.... it is very long...

Wow! I got a life changing phone call yesterday. Let me start from the top. About 2 ½ years ago I found out about a test that tests the gene CDKL5 which if that has a mutation it is linked to atypical Rett’s syndrome. We have thought Lily has atypical Rett’s for a long time now. Mother of Rett’s girls think Lily has Rett’s. This mutation is linked with not only atypical Rett’s, but also infantile spasms and an early onset of seizures. Ding ding right? Plus looking at the characteristics of this mutation you’d say that is Lily. I was super excited when I found the information on this and called Lily’s neuro asking him to run this test. I am sure this is on Lily’s site, but I have no time to look for it. Well he basically said we aren’t looking for a diagnosis right now, we are trying to control seizures and we’ll look back into it later. I smiled and said ok, fine. I made an appointment with Lily’s personal, totally interested in my children, Pediatrician and showed him what I found and asked, ok maybe a little begging, if he would rx the script for this test and he said “sure.” Well after two months I was called with the report that there was no mutation on the CDKL5 and again we were at another dead end.
I hadn’t thought anything about this until I got an email asking if Lily had been tested for this just two weeks ago and that had me looking into her records and I found that test that said negative. I still thought though that Lily seems to have this disorder and I called the geneticist that we hadn’t seen in years to have her take another look at Lily and maybe run that test again, we can’t get in until Dec.16th. Then Friday of last week after work I got home and saw a message and it is from the girl’s pediatrician. He says he wants to talk to us about Lil and of course it is 5:30pm when I get that message. I had to sit on needles until 9am Monday to call and see what the heck he wanted. Lily hasn’t been in to see him in quite some time and I just couldn’t imagine what he wanted. So I call at 9am and 9:15am my phone rings. Wow this must be important! Dr. says remember when we ran that test two years ago checking CDKL5? I said “of course” he says “well the University of Chicago re-ran a test on Lily (with that old sample) and it came up positive, not for CDKL5, but for some unknown gene that has yet to be named.” I was in shock. A positive test result? A POSITIVE test result????? “So if it wasn’t positive for the CDKL5, what was it positive for? I don’t get it” and he explained to me that there isn’t a name yet, it is all very new and he described it to me in very simple language. He said imagine they were looking on Val Vista and Lindsey (two parallel road here in town) and they didn’t find anything, then later they went looking and found it on Gilbert rd (another parallel road next to the others in town). I’m still confused, but a positive result means a million things to me. It has been 6 years and 1 month we have been looking for answers, 6 years and 1 month of blood work, 3 spinal taps, 2 muscle biopsies, 1 skin biopsy, 3 different neuros, geneticists, developmental specialists, metabolic specialist and what?! A test I insisted on having ran by Lily’s regular Pediatrician is what is finally leading us to an answer?! Holy freaking crap! I can’t count the nights that I thought, was it Lily’s childbirth experience? Did I take too hot of baths while pregnant? Did I take antibiotics during a bad time? Was it my thyroid meds that caused this? I have thought of everything that I could have done to cause this to her and now I found out, it wasn’t anything I did. Can you imagine the relief that comes with that? I can’t explain it.
Granted they haven’t even named the gene yet, and Lily just so happens to be the first test to test positive, but we are on our way. We will know what this is and we will know fairly soon. We may have to be the pilgrims of this whole thing and that is ok. We can handle it!
But this isn’t without stress and well stress. Pediatrician told me on the phone that our next plan of action is to send them Lily’s blood again, they want to test DNA and RNA on her and they want to check Andrew and myself. Hence where the stress comes in, they want to see if Lily didn’t get this mutation from us. This stems off the X chromosome (?) (I am in way over my head here with all this, I barely could figure out what eye color our imaginary child would have in science with my blue eyed partner, by the way I am blue eyed as well) and so we need to see if first this is from us and if it isn’t from us then I guess they will see how this mutation came of in Lily. I think most of you are following me here. I am 6 months pregnant. I have to sit and wait to see if Andrew and I have any deformities that can cause this to happen to our children. We have been told by specialist by specialist the thought of something as rare as Lily happening again is next to none. And even though I have asked about genetic counseling time and time again we have been told with out Lily having a diagnosis they’d be going in blindly and have no idea what to test for. Fast forward. 6 years later. My blood and Andrew’s blood is on a first class flight to Chicago and we have to sit on nails while we wait for the results. I don’t even know how long tests like this should take. 2 weeks? 4? I know it took 2 months to hear back from the negative results we got 2 years ago. I don’t have 2 months. Well I do, but my heart doesn’t. And if Andrew and I do have some whatever I obviously know if doesn’t mean it will happen again for sure to our baby boy since Andi is as healthy as a horse, but then again if we do what are the odds of two healthy if we have something funky? Sigh.
The best case scenario is we have no mutations and it is all Lily, but then I feel bad that Lily has to be alone in this. I don’t want to wish that upon her, but I just don’t know how I would handle another seizing baby. Seriously.
I do know that God has his hands ALL over this. It is really hard to not believe in such a thing. I mean this is just all falling into place so amazingly. I just have to pray that the best outcome will happen and I ask the same from all of you. Lily is our special girl and we adore our special little one in a billion child, we just want her to be our only special blessing.
I may be a little consumed with this until we get an answer so who knows what I will write about in the meantime.
Prayers please! All the time! Thanks!

The Devil wears Stride Rite

2008-10-24T09:44:00.002-07:00

Andrew: "I really think Andi should be a devil for Halloween."
Me: "That's mean"
Andrew: "No really, it is perfect for her."
Me: "That is mean and she is being a fairy"
Andrew: "I'm just saying"
Me: "Well she's not, besides I already asked, she doesn't want to be a devil"

My ingenious is shocking

2008-10-22T11:30:00.002-07:00

I never claimed to be the brightest light on the Christmas tree, but I don't think I am totally ditsy, but sometimes I can shock myself. And I don't think it is cute to be Jessica Simpson ditsy, ok yeah I do think it is cute, but it isn't how I work. I do tend to let's just say, not think all the time before I act and I am pretty sure that at times might make me look a little less "there".
Today was one of those day. I was running late getting out of the house and didn't eat breakfast. I drop off Andi and stop at Starbucks and get my favorite drink non fat pumpkin spice latte with whip and since I was hungry I said throw in a blueberry muffin. I get back in my car, listen along with the radio. Giggle with the morning show. Call a friend and chat and then pull into the Dr. office. I am a few minutes early, they get me right in and say "here drink this, you got 5 minutes". Now it isn't that I forgot today was my glucose test, it was just that I didn't so much to think hey a boatload of sugar is probably not the best thing to ingest right before another boatload of sugar to hey what else but check my sugar. Sigh....
I told my Dr. with a sweet smile, and this was after crying about a 10 pound weight gain in a freaking month, 10 pounds in a month, 10 pounds in a month, that I didn't think and had Starbucks before I came. He said "well do you put sugar in your coffee?" and I smiled at that cute comment and thought awww he saves so much money a year by not understanding what I meant by "I had Starbucks this morning". I again said well it isn't really just coffee is a large amount of syrup added to my coffee along with skim milk and whipped cream. Oh he said, well you weren't supposed to fast, but that may make your test come back high and we will have to do it again. I again smiled and apologized and coughed into my hand and said "I also had a blueberry muffin". He just looks at me and I know he is thinking, and she has the nerve to complain about a 10 lb weight gain in a month.
Sigh... so we will see what happens. All is well. He said Zantac is totally fine, good thing since we are going to buy stock in it. You all might want to as well.... I still have technically 15 more weeks and I can't go a night with out it.
Hey someone has to stimulate this economy!
Speaking of that, last night I had to say this:
"We're in a recession, you don't need sprinkles!"
Who was I saying that too???

Come back.

2008-10-20T07:59:00.004-07:00

So yesterday I drove 40 miles round trip for nothing but a "apple pie carmel apple" from what Kibberts lovingly calls "Scarizona Mills". It is an outlet mall that well, it is scary. But I didn't want to go 60 miles round trip and go to Scottsdale mall with the store A Pea in a Pod that I would be tempted with, so I went and I conquered. And if this is what I do when my family is gone, bring em back. Please.

And they're off

2008-10-17T09:39:00.002-07:00

I made plans with a dear group of friends that I get to see only a few times a year now. Our special kiddos all went to the best preschool on earth together and we used to have weekly meetings where we'd talk, laugh and cry together. It is a very special thing in your life when you can find others who can relate to you on issues that no one else can. I mean I have great friends whom I love, but most of them can't comprehend changing their 6 year olds diaper. Or having to spoon feed their every meal. Or manage seizures. This group can. Included is the kiddos teacher and therapist whom know our kids and worked with our kids and love our kids. Well we used to meet weekly when our kids were in prek, but now we have all moved on to the scary world of public elementary and have all gone into different districts our meetings have gone away.
So every 6 months or so we try to get together for something called game night. One mom always hosts in her gorgeous home and we stay up late, we laugh and play games. It is the most fun I have ever had sober. Not the most, but it really is good clean fun that is just can't be beat.
Anyway, we have had tomorrow night planned for several weeks now so when Andrew says I'd really like to go to Greer this weekend, I said "hold up!" I said "you will not go unless you have child care planned for me". I am not missing game night and I am not going to scramble to find a sitter to come to our house because he got a bug up his butt. Well guess what! My mom said "well how about I go up too and Andrew brings the girls". I said "really??" Holy crap! What ever will I do? No husband, no kids for 2 days? Sign me up! So that is what is happening. Andrew normally is fully capable of taking the kids himself but he is going up to help my dad work on the house and this isn't hanging up pictures housework, this is laying flooring, putting wood in the ceilings, painting, hard house work. So my mom is going to help with the kids and Andrew will help my dad. It really is an awesome thing to be happening..... to me!
And of course the kids, they love it up there. I do too and want to go, but game night is happening and I AM GOING! So yeah!

Oh and even better news! My computer is up and running at home. Internet and all! It has been months and the day has come! Hallelujah!

Oh and I have to call after 5pm today to find out if I have jury duty next week. I have never been selected to even go down to the court house so I am expecting the same outcome, but you never know. Life does like to make your plans change just to see how you react.

Open minded"ness"

2008-10-16T13:23:00.002-07:00

So last night Andrew says to me "just try to be open minded" and I say "oookaaaay".
We weren't talking about the upcoming election. We weren't discussing religion, no he was asking me to be open minded in watching "Don't mess with the Zohan".
I tried, but no.

Someone needs a psychologist....

2008-10-15T09:56:00.005-07:00

Ahhhhhh am I bad person for happily putting Lily on the bus this morning? She was home more this fall break then she was home during summer break! Summer break she at least goes to summer school. This was tough! And with the temps still in the upper 90's as of last week there wasn't much we could do. But yesterday just the girls and I went to our beautiful Phoenix Zoo and had a wonderful day. I couldn't believe it! No fights, no whining! It was a perfect day! Perfect weather. Just a great day! Andi had slept from 5:30pm to 6:30am that previous night, yeah really, and man was she a different kid! She even slept on the way home from the zoo! Score! Let me just say I have to brag her up because I almost dropped her off at a safe house on Sunday. Sigh.
She went crazy on me. Like really crazy and I had no leverage. I had no idea what to do.
Here is the back ground we decided to go to my nieces gymnastic meet Sunday afternoon. Since Andi thinks her 11 yr old cousin is her best friend and their shared gymnastics coach is God, I figured that would be a fun thing to do. Lily had a bad cold so Andrew "sacrificed" the fun afternoon by staying home and watching football all Sunday afternoon. All was going well. We were sitting with my sister and my other niece. I had no cash and my sister bought Andi a snack and we were having fun. My niece was having a great day and it was awesome to see her. Andi wanted another snack and I figured that would be ok, I had borrow 50 cents from my sister and got her a little rice crispy thing. All is fine. Then Andi wants another snack. I refuse. She had lunch. I wasn't borrowing anymore money. No. She starts to cry. I still say no. Then Skylar is up for her floor routine and I am trying to watch her while Andi starts freaking out. Like pulling my legs trying to get me to get up and get her a snack. I say we are leaving when Sky is done and she cries more. Not cries, freaks. So Sky is done, I say tell Aunt Jenn and Ariel bye and she screams. I pick her up and she screams like I am kidnapping her and everyone is staring. I get to the parking lot and she hits me in the face. I take her arms hold them down and carry her like a football telling her to hit me again. I get to the car and she explodes, she kicks, she screams, it takes everything I have to hold her down and buckle her in her car seat. I never once hit her, yet she is kicking me, she is hitting me IN THE FACE, I take off and I hear her unbuckle her car seat. That is when mommy flipped her lid. I pull over into the city center business center and opened her door. Did I mention while I drove from the school to the city center she had taken off both her shoes and chucked them at me? Oh and her headphones? Well I was steamed, somehow I did know that hitting her, and believe me I REALLY wanted to, except for smacking her hand to get her to let go while trying to buckle her in, would not help. So I took every doll, every coloring book, everything she had ever brought into my car and I locked her in the car and marched over to the trash can and threw it all away. I was seeing red, I am not sure what went in that trash can, but I am sure it would have made some little girl very happy to stumble across it. That is if she is digging through a trash can. So I get back in the car and she is crying. Crying no longer freaking. Crying tears. She is sorry. She is still minutes away from the safe haven down the road in my book. Believe me although I didn't hit her, I yelled. It was a fast flying zone for many bombs I swear to not say in front of the kids, but really red, I was seeing red. I didn't know what was going on. I had no idea how I was going to deal with the situation and was actually pretty surprised all it took was chucking about $50 worth of crappy toys in my car. She got in her car seat and we drove home in silence. She fell asleep, but I had the hardest time getting her out of the car seat and trying to calmly keep her asleep. I just picked her up, put her in her room and said "do not come out! I cannot see your face for a long time". She actually understood this request and was pretty quiet the rest of the day. She apologized several times, and eventually I got over it, but man I have never been so upset. So disappointed. So discouraged. I know being a parent is tough but that feeling of not having a clue what to do is scary and loosing control is very scary. I never want to loose control with my kids and it was lost.
We deal with tantrums usually every day to every other day, but I usually ignore them and they go away. This time was something else. It was scary and I need to know what to do ahead of time before it happens again.
This is where I am coming to you all who have been there and done that. What are ways to prepare myself and I was far beyond taking 10 breaths. What are things I can do to her to get her to stop.
Help me!
Thank God I have several more years before having another 3 year old. I'll take 2's waaaay over 3's!
Unless someone has a machine I can put him in and keep him 8 weeks old forever. Sigh.

Prop What?!

2008-10-10T15:02:00.002-07:00

So every night of the week I get a phone call. Not my husband, just me. It goes a little like this.
Hi this message is for Kimberly and we are calling on behalf of Yes on 102. We need to vote to keep marriage as a union of a man and a woman. Please vote yes.
Now I answered this phone call about a month ago and told the dude on the phone that in fact no, I will not be voting yes, I will be voting no. He thanked me for my time and I thought we were done. But they have not stopped calling me. I don't know if they think they will change my mind but I am about to go postal on the building they are calling from.
In fact by voting No, it will not be legal for gays to marry here, it is just a yes makes it just that much harder for them to ever get married here.
I see it this way, gays have enough troubles in life, why not let two people who fall in love get married and get the same tax benefits as the rest of us "happily married straight people".
I am not trying to be political, you all should know I rarely ever post my 2 cents on politics, but this is beyond annoying and it happens every night, always something to listen to on my answering machine before going to bed. I really hope they call tonight and I am home.
Have a splendid weekend.

Sunshine and Coke

2008-10-08T09:51:00.003-07:00

I had such a great morning! First I am wearing prepreg jeans just unzipped and unbuttoned with the belly band. They fit and look so much better than maternity. Then I got to leave at 8am, Andrew was able to wait until 8:30am for our nurse to come watch Lily. Lily has been off since last week and will continue to be off school until next Wed.! I am not a huge fan of modified year round schooling. So then I dropped off Andi at pre k and she was actually happy to go. Then I stopped at Starbucks to treat myself since I had to drive all the way to Phoenix to drop off the meds for the study that Lily was in, I forgot them on Monday when we went. Remember organization skills, not so hot. So I get to Starbucks and the line is short. That alone could make my day. Then they made my drink fast and the check out girl said "Your shirt is hilarious!" (thanks Kibberts) then while waiting for my bagel the other gal says, "that shirt is just too cute!" I thank them and walk out the door which was being held open waiting for me to come thru by some nice young girl, I smiled and thanked her and returned the favor to the barista whom was cleaning outside and was coming back in. He smiled and thanked me. I got in my car and just smiled. I thought man that was a freaking coke commerical!
Then I get in my car and head to Phoenix. A local radio show kept me laughing and when I saw a sign saying "Photo Radar Ahead" I slow from 70 mph to 65 mph and apparently Ms. Hotpants didn't like that and cruised around me and flash! Ha! Ha! Freaking Ha! I pointed and laughed at her, but she didn't see me. Ha!
I get to the hospital and see 15 min parking spots that would save me dealing with the parking garage. I thought sweet and parked. Ran in and the only frustration I experienced at all this morning was the lack of golden rules people seem to ignore. I get on an empty elevator and go to the 4th floor. The door opens and when I try to step out there is a family of 4 walking in, totally blocking my way of getting out. I am thinking, wait isn't that a golden rule that everyone knows and follows? You wait for the person to get off, I even hold the door if they have a wheelchair or stroller and then you get on. Well whatever I shake it off and head to the office. Hand over the meds to the front desk gal and say I forgot these or whatever and she says "what is the patients name" and I said, "she is in the study, they don't have names in the study she is #7009." So then I get back on an empty elevator and wouldn't you know when I come off the thing on the first floor and lady with a newborn baby just rushes in and following her was at least 4 other women. I was like really? Seriously? You all aren't going to let me get off? Where am I? So I don't know about you all, but don't you wait? Don't you grab your kids and not let them go on the elevator until others get off? Am I crazy? Am I snobby? Anyway it didn't matter I had a good morning and those classless folks ain't getting me down.

Gimmie Cheese!

2008-10-07T09:40:00.002-07:00

As much as I hate to cheese out, I have to publicly thank my awesome sister and tubular mom for spending their Sat with me at my house helping clean out what Andi dubbed "the messy room". We had an office, then we moved the office, had plans of a play room and what the den turned into was a room filled with crap that we couldn't even open the door. Once we found out baby Ollie was coming we had to do some thinking. The girls can't share a room. Lily is not a sound sleeper and she continuously wakes up Andi when they are together so it was either have Andi share a room with the baby which won't happen, we have to turn our den into his room. It is a room, it just doesn't have a closet but a dresser would be just fine. So those girls came over with a mission. My mom went to town, my sister and I put together a bin organizer we bought from Ikea months ago. Although when we were done it didn't quite look right. Then Andrew came home and said "why did you put together the TV shelf instead of the bin holder?" DOH! So after we rewarded ourselves with Olive Garden for lunch, I went home and put together the actual bin holder with help only from Andi who told me "hard work makes her hungry."
After two hours, some really sore thumbs and possibly arthritis in my hands, I was done. Lily's room got all the toys in nice and clean bins and a toy box. The den just has a TV shelf that my sister and I so graciously built with a little TV and a chair in there so Andi and Lily can hang out in there and watch TV. A desk that will go on craigslist probably this week and a bin of stuffed animals I just can't toss. And I tossed A LOT this weekend, I just couldn't do it all. There should be a law against giving stuffed animals at showers and birthdays. It is insane the amount of stuffed animals kids accumulate. We are slowly working at getting stuff for the baby's room. When I say we are starting from scratch, I ain't kidding. Seriously from scratch. I thought I was done. Plus it is a boy. I have NOTHING for a boy. Sigh. We are tearing out the carpet, which is NASTY, and Andrew will stain the concrete. Then we will have to buy a nice rug, but otherwise I am looking to Craigslist for the crib and furniture. There is really no need for brand new stuff, really there isn't.
Anyway, I just realized how lucky I am to have such selfless family members. Women of course who are able to set aside their Sat and help out their poor defenseless against organization, daughter and sister.
Plus I even talked my sister into giving Fiona a little trial run at her house for a week. Fingers crossed they actually like her and keep her. NEVER AGAIN WILL I EVER OWN A PUPPY. I did not say dog, I SAID PUPPY. My sister although is very clean and organized, unlike me, lives in a very full house that tends to lean on chaotic. With three biological kids 11, 16 and 18 and a 17 year old she has legal guardianship of, 2 dogs, 2 cats and usually a friend or two over, it is chaotic and it works there. I think Fiona would fit right in and they wouldn't stress nearly as much about her and be as annoyed with her as much as I am. My sister says I should just get a cat and I think I agree.

Mr. Sandman...

2008-10-03T14:44:00.002-07:00

Hey Mr. Sandman..... I'm calling to you again. Please come. I don't even care if you bring me a dream, just please hit me over the head and knock me out. Please.
Andi has a bad cough and as we parents (mothers) know that makes sleeping thru the night difficult for little ones and the last two nights the little weasel snuck in our bed and before I realized she was there I was smooched into Andrew and a dog that is not supposed to be on my bed, making a mess of it!
Every time she jumps up I yell get down and she does, but then she tries again and I swear she waits to hear me deep breathing and then jumps on my bed with her nasty butt. And how am I going to put a diaper on a dog that you can't touch with out her going insane. She is the most hyper thing in the world. And if I were able to hold her still long enough she would just run around until it fell off and eat it because that is the kind of dog she is. I am still contemplating craigslist for her future.
So anyway it is around 2 am and I realize Andi is in our bed, putting me in the middle. I have a growing belly that makes positioning hard enough then smooch me between to bed hogs and then realize bloody dog is curled into my legs. UGH! Frustration takes over and after tossing and turning I retire to the couch. Everyone else sleeps peacefully.
I want to hurt someone.
Forgive the sucky blog.... I'm tired.
Happy freaking weekend. I will try to get some work done and post some before and afters. I have a lot to do!

It's not my fault

2008-10-01T11:06:00.003-07:00

So don't you love that phrase, "it's not my fault"? Well really it isn't. I have no computer at home, that is my husbands fault. And I can't go to work but two days a week for the next two weeks and that is Lily's schools fault. They think modified year round schedule is awesome and I happen to disagree.
So there! I only have enough nursing hours for 2 full days so those days are Wed and Fri and those will be working/blogging/online shopping/internet surfing/kid break... days.
So I think instead of telling you some long juicy story about my neighbor slobbering on my husband. Or trying to. I think I would rather post about a whole lot of nothings that happen to be on my mind.

First matter to attend to, I have gotten a real taste of what happens you when procrastinate at the wrong time. Let's just say Fiona, our "puppy", needs a tampon. OMG NASTY! OMG! I had a heart attack last night when she kept trying to get on my bed. I don't go wasting money on many things, but a couple years back Andrew and I paid $1000 for Ralph Lauren bedding that was worth every penny. You will not find a more comfortable comforter than ours and the fact that horny little bleeding dog wanted on my bed was enough to cause me a huge lack in sleep. And to make matters worse, she was trying to cuddle on my blanket that was originally $200 at a boutique that was going out of business and I grabbed for 75% off. You don't know a heavenly blanket until you wrap yourself up in that baby. And that dog thought she needed. Oh hell no!
See I am fully aware that you should spay your dog before they are fertile. But our vet quoted us a price of $500. I'm sorry. She is a dog. I won't spend $500 on a medical treatment for myself. **You are saying but you spent $1000 on bedding, well that was a few years ago and being in construction business was prosperous. Well guess what, construction is the last damn thing you want to be in business with now so yes at one time we could afford luxuries like that and I am so glad we did, because who knows when we will again. **Hell these days I won't spend $25 on a pedi. So sorry I am not putting $500 on my credit card. Well then one day I found a mailer for a spay/neuter clinic. They don't offer all the spa treatments along with the spay job and it is about $75. Ok that is more like it. Still not what I want to do, but it obviously has to be done. Well I called them and they can't get her in until 10/23! Ugh! So let's just pray we can prevent her from getting knocked up in the meantime... can't promise to go all pro life if something does happen... I'm just saying.

**Second matter up on my mind. My dream last night. I know that is when readers go and read a new blog the minute they see "let me tell you about my dream" but just read it. It is funny. Or weird. Or creepy. Or something.
We were all watching Andi do a little dance and we were all laughing and then I feel the baby move, but it hurts and I look down and his face is coming out of my stomach, he is still under my skin but we can see his face and all he was trying to do was see what Andi was doing. I was trying to push him back but being a little freaked about brains and stuff I didn't want to cause any damage by pushing him back.
Just what Andi wants, all eyes on her, at all times. Even if the little human doesn't quite really have eyes that work yet. Gross.

**Third matter. I sold my tickets. Thanks for all your concern. I know you were all thinking of my situation constantly and I hope that eases your concern.

**Fourth matter. Here at work they have this little program here, I am pretty sure I have complained before about. I know you all know my dad is my boss, but he is the boss, boss. There are people under him that are above me (the nerve) and the one guy here has a program that awards everyone for good work. Well there is a little sign up with every ones names and people get their boxes highlighted for doing their chores or whatever. Anyway there happens to be 3 people not highlighted. Guess who got laid off? Two of those three. Guess who is the third?
So what if I am not a team player. Everyone gets their check and it is right and I am pretty sure, money talks.
Other wise I may post another Craigslist listing , something like this.
**Pregnant mom of two (soon to be three) needs a job. It has to be flexible enough for her to be able to take off for her daughters dr. apts, therapy, and of course fall break. Skills are well... she can type. She knows Excel oh and Word. And can write a mean blog once a week. She can make coffee, but does not run errands. She can add pretty well with an adding machine, but don't ask her for percentages. She prefers $750 a week plus vehicle and gas. Plus she will not come in more than 3 days a week. Any takers?

**and my fifth and last matter of the heart is maternity clothes. Why is it that the first two go arounds I couldn't wait for the ugly stuff. I went to the boutiques, A Pea in a Pod, etc. I think I even ate a little more than I needed to just to fit in it earlier. I just didn't realize that was a sure way to "show" in my ass, not my belly. This go at it I am totally avoiding the baby doll shirts and awful pants. I got my jeans via Ebay that I really wanted yet the seller listed the wrong size and they are a size too big and I have to have one of those belly bands just to keep them up. They are my favorite though. Citizens. There are no better maternity jeans than Citizens and I got them for a hundred less than I would have on Nordstrom.com. But I am getting away with flowy tops from the "regular" stores. I don't need it to say maternity for it to fit. I went to Gap.com today b/c I got a great code for three days only where they have 30% off brand spanking new clothes. I honestly had a hard time finding much. I did like some long cords that I will order on Friday, but that was about it. The sweaters weren't all that long and I think I can do better at Forever 21 and spend $20 less a top.

Humm... I bet you all are thinking, I hope she goes back into hiding.

Every light in the house is on...

2008-09-26T09:56:00.003-07:00

Ever hear that old country song? Well old for us in our 20's. (I will claim to be in my 20's until the day I am kicked out of it. I'm holding strong. For 3 months. Or a little less. Nonetheless I'm hanging on, hear my nails digging?)
Anyway the song is by Trace Adkins and goes a little like this "Every light in the house is on, The backyard's bright as the crack of dawn, The front walk looks like runway lights, It's kinda like noon in the dead of night. Every light in the house is on just in case you ever do get tired of being gone, Every light in the house is on".
Well I think that was Andrew's intention last night when I got home from Grey's night at Kibberts.
I walk in at 10:15pm and literally every light was on. Every TV set was on. I think he really thought I might not be able to find my way back home.
Remember when I said we had an electric bill of over $400? Yeah I wonder whose at fault there.
Sigh.

By the way, I want you all to know I am funny. Really I am. Back story first.

I work in Mesa. People who grew up here and got away from here don't really like it here. Mesa is a weird town. It is hard to describe, well without sounding like I am placing stereotypes and God forbid I ever offend annon again who ripped me a new one a few months back. But Mesa has a big Temple. I hear it is the second most visited place in AZ next to the Grand Canyon. I like the Mormons, they keep the place clean all around it. They have a beautiful Temple that is unfortunately is in Mesa. Mesa used to be heavily populated with Mormons, but they even got out of dodge. Well most of them. And mostly what is left here, I mean downtown, not east or north Mesa, just plain old Mesa, are crack heads and um, well people who came from another country, most likely not legally. If you can buy a pizza with Pecos in Mesa, I'm just saying...
Anyway, so that is what Mesa is pretty much consistent of. Some call is Metha and some call is Mexica. I call it ugh, Mesa. By the way I grew up here. Spent 15 years in the same house. I am not knocking something that is of me. I even have my my facebook profile, hometown Mesa. I don't deny it. But what is left is still Mormons in the office here and crack heads living here. So the laws are a bit effed up and a business trying to get a liquor license is like trying to get a monkey to sit still and take notes in class. So when Kibberts texts me this AM, "want any coffee while I'm in Mesa" I reply, "you'll have an easier time finding a crackpipe than a starbucks."

See I'm funny.

Don't worry I am prejudice against Phoenix too. Once Kibberts texted me "hey I'm in Phoenix, need anything" (yeah she gets around) I simply replied "yeah an 8 ball."
And she brought me one.

She is funny too. When we went to Motherhood the other day, I just wanted a band to go around my belly so I can still wear my jeans. I just can't bring myself to wear maternity that looks maternity. Anyway the register gal asks me if I have been there before, I said "not with this pregnancy" she said "has anything changed?" and before I could say no, Kibberts says "you mean besides the babies daddy?" I laughed and for some reason the sales lady didn't. Maybe we offended her too.

Alright annon let er rip...

Grey's is back!

2008-09-24T15:25:00.002-07:00

Folks I think I am ready to be out of my summer time slump. I know that happens to you all stuck in the house all winter long, but it is kind of the same thing here in the valley of the sun in the summer. We can't go outside, our electric bill was over $400 (!) (just in Aug) add that to everything else that is super expensive and you have a crabby Kim whose last thing on her mind is blogging.
But folks it is almost Oct. Soon we will go to the pumpkin patch! I have my pumpkin spice lattes! I get to start figuring out the girls costumes! AND Grey's is back starting tomorrow night.
I think, my friends, I am back!
I think.
Anyone wanna buy my tickets to Disney Live on Oct. 2nd? I have the tickets on Craigs List. We can't go and I need to get my moms money back.
http://phoenix.craigslist.org/evl/tix/853916870.html

20 Week Big Belly!

2008-09-23T15:06:00.003-07:00

Pretty darn sure this will be the last time I pose my belly in a swim suit!

Bring on the sweaters!!

When you have a kid like this....

2008-09-19T11:24:00.003-07:00

I feel words are unnecessary when you deal with a child like this all day, every day.
There was no music. I have no idea why she was doing this and I wish I had more than a cell phone to display her "skills" but this is a snipit of life with Andi Jane.

A job that rocks

2008-09-16T14:22:00.001-07:00

You know a job that requires no organization skills would totally be appropiate for me. I'm not so sure having to spend an hour with your mom trying to organize your office while looking for something that should have filed months ago fits anywhere in the "professional" arena.

Hey there Mr. Sandman....

2008-09-12T13:07:00.003-07:00

Bring me a dream. Bring me a Klonopin. Something.

Wednesday night I went to bed at 10pm and didn't wake up until Andi crawled into bed with me at 7am. If she had not woken me up I would have slept right thru Lily's bus at 7:30am. I was thrilled! I haven't slept thru the night like that in a very long time. I am always woken up and can't go back to sleep.
So thinking I was starting some new circadian rhythm I went to sleep last night with some high expectations.
Then I was woken up by sweet nothings from my husband at 3am that sounded something like f#%$ing c*ck s*ucker then he rolls over loudly and huffmmps and sighs.
I sit up and ask "what is your problem?" he says "There is a f#$&ing mosquito in here! He bit my face, my left arm, my right ar......" I immediately interrupt him with "what does that have to do with me?" Ok maybe that wasn't very nice. Then I said, "Sorry, but God now I can't go back to sleep". And then we sat and watched Dr. 90210 from my Tivo list for the next hour. We both tossed and turned and didn't go back to sleep until close to 4:30am and then his alarm went off at 5:30am, he got up and went to work and then I went back to sleep and Andi came into my room at 5:55am. OMG! Kill me.
All I can say is thank God it is the weekend. Not that Andi naps or anything but I can at least rest. Andrew is going up north and the kids and I am just chilling. I am so freaking exhausted.
Oh and forget that whole I thought having a boy was keeping me immune to heart burn. That started last night. Sigh.
Oh one thing I am apparently immune to is mosquito bites. I lied there all comfy and the while Andrew was eaten alive.

It's a .....................

2008-09-09T13:55:00.005-07:00

So let me just say one thing before the BIG reveal....

I want to share what this pregnancy is doing to me.

Last night I made this Bisquick meal I think the impossible cheeseburger pie one and everything went as planned. I don't see how it couldn't. I don't always cook like that, but I needed something easy that went with hamburger and that was what I choose. So time to pour in a can of cream of mushroom soup and I did. Well I thought I did. I was stirring and stirring and the consistency wasn't right and there were chunks. I was like what the hell are those chunks. Turned out they were potato's and while I am thinking why are there potatoes in my cream of mushroom soup the familiar smell told me I just poured clam chowder soup on my cooked hamburger and had no choice but to go with it. Well it was gross. One bite and I tossed it, yet I dished Andrew some and watched him eat it. He took a bite a made a little weird look. Then kept on eating. I said "isn't it gross?" and he said "it's fine" and then I told him of my mistake and he said "it's fine."

So except for as long as it isn't ground turkey Andrew, the rest of us gagged and fed it to the dogs, who by the way... liked it.

But this is all from the baby. I used to be semi bright. At least I would have before looked at the soup I grabbed from the pantry. Or maybe noticed a strong odor before pouring. Sigh.

Oh yeah, by the way... it is so a boy. Like big penis and all. I can't believe it. At first when they said that at 13 weeks I thought, maybe a boy and I was scared of the thought. But today after seeing him and watching him play with his penis I couldn't help but be a little proud of him and his little glory he was proud to play with. Dad is beaming and beyond himself and I am actually really liking the idea of our son. My son. He is already really cute too! My lips and dads penis.

Awesome combo!

And I know the 4 D stuff is a little creepy this early on, they have no fat, but this picture is pretty cute. He already knows gang signs.

Basically.... I suck

2008-09-05T15:44:00.001-07:00

I just really haven't been much of a blogger these days. I haven't been sleeping well and it really affects my mood. I don't sit around and think that would be fun to blog about. So please bare with me. Check in every once in awhile, I promise to blog, but maybe not daily. Well definitely not daily.
Ultra sound is Tuesday and we will see if that really was a penis or something very unflattering on a little girl.
I'll post then!
Happy weekend!

Two cheers

2008-09-03T11:32:00.001-07:00

Two cheers for September! Although it sure don't feel like fall here yet, at least Starbucks is in the spirit! They brought back pumpkin spice lattes! Woo hooo!

I posted a monster birthday post to Lily on her blog so I am done blogging for today.

The old man who swallowed a fly

2008-09-02T13:49:00.004-07:00

So after an insistent husband talked me into driving 4 hours to Greer, just to drive 4 hours back 48 hours later we were in Greer on Saturday afternoon. It was cool and drizzling. Nice, maybe this is worth it. Andrew went right to work helping my dad put a wood ceiling in and the girls and I hung out with my mom watching TV and reading my weekly dose of US Weekly and People.
We decided against cooking and choose to eat out at a local restaurant in town. Best prime rib around! That's their slogan, but me and Ollie agree. That kid loves red meat! That is the baby's nickname, follow along please. So we pull up the the restaurant and realize Lily's wheelchair is in the house so we all get out and Andrew runs back to get it. While we are seated and waiting for Andrew, my dad is holding Lily on his lap in the meantime, we are looking at the menu and drinking our water. Well that is I started to when I saw there was a fly in it. I laughed and showed my dad, he saw it immediately and laughed, said you should have to pay extra for the protein. Show it to mom, she laughs. I push it away from me and grab an extra water and start drinking that one. The place was a mad house, Labor Day weekend, our waitress was overwhelmed and I had no need to tell her about the fly, we just left it alone. Then in walks Andrew. He puts Lily in her chair and sits in his chair and exhales. "Let's eat!"
So dinner goes on, the kids are being awesome, we all order drinks and dinner and the service is understandably slow. Some time goes by and I look over at Andrew and his water. It is half empty, yes I said it, empty not half full, I know it was the water that the fly was in since well frankly that is where I put the glass, in front of the seat he took. Oops. I exclaim "did you drink all that water!?" he looks dumbly at me and says, "yeah, I was thirsty." Andrew never drinks water unless he is forced, but I guess his beer took so long he drank his water. And why shouldn't he, I mean except for the fact the fly was in it! I immediately laughed out loud and said "you didn't look in it first?" "No, I was thirsty, why" he asks. I said "there was a fly in it!" He looks in his glass and there it was, still there in his glass. Laughter came over my entire body that I had no control over. Tears were flowing, air was missing and I really didn't know if I would ever come to my senses again. See I thought he didn't see a fly in his water, he never said anything he just looked at his cup and saw the fly, so I thought he drank it and for some reason that thought sent me over the edge. Hey it had been a tough week, I can't even tell you all that happened, just know that a little laughter was a cure. The rest of dinner I spent catching myself in laughing fits. I realized he didn't drink it when he handed it to the waitress. A half empty glass with a fly in it. That still makes me laugh as I write it. Although it was less funny when I realized he didn't drink the fly.
Then the rest of the weekend was every time Andrew saw a fly he'd ask if I'd like to see him drink it just so I could have a good laugh again.
There are a few stories in my life that I can't tell with out laughing and I am pretty sure this one just got added.
The rest of the trip was nice, rainy and wet. Me likey. We went to watch the boat races (match car size boats) on The Little Colorado River. My mom bought 40 boats and didn't win anything. She has awesome luck. Then we went to a community dinner and we got the experience of being the youngest in the room. I think my parents were the youngest besides us. At least they looked it! The kids were so bored they both fell asleep. If Andi falls asleep somewhere other than her bed that she is forced into and strapped down, well that doesn't say much about your function.
Back home and back to life.
But that story made my weekend. Hell, week... maybe month!

Rain drops

2008-08-31T09:58:00.002-07:00

I'm sitting here in Greer, AZ. It is about 50 degrees outside and the rain is just coming down. It is mesmerizing. When you live where the sun shines about every day of the year and when it does rain it is usually when you're sleeping, well you just have this deep admiration for the rain.
I'm lazy. We are all in our pj's and although we were supposed to go watch the boat races in an hour, I think this is what our day will be spent doing.
Lily had three seizures yesterday and already started with one this morning. It really makes me want to spend the day in my pj's. I hate seizures.
Hope you are all doing what you want this Labor Day weekend.

"My Wife's Pregnant"

2008-08-26T13:44:00.004-07:00

So this pregnancy is so far beyond different than my girls. I am constantly craving spicy, salty foods and so far no heartburn that plagued me from conception to delivery with both girls.

Interestingly enough on accident I tried a Mexican candy that Andi picked up at the store. We were at Target in Mesa and Mesa is also called Mesico so you can probably understand that with the Snickers there is candy from Mexico called Lucas. The candy is in a cute little bottle and is purple so Andi was attracted to it, until she tried it. It is a sweet sucker that dips into salt and chili pepper. She took one lick and gagged and looked at me and said "I don't like that!" So I said "let me see", took a lick and made a face. Took another lick and made another face. Paused for awhile. Dipped it in and took another lick and before I knew it, it was gone. I still was unsure if I indeed liked it or not, but bought some more in Mexico. Finished those and got another at Target in Mesa (only in Mesa Target you can find it). I am still not sure if I "like" the candy, but my mouth waters when I think about it and I sure eat it a lot of it. And this is even after I threw it up last week. I think a bratwurst I ate didn't agree with me and I was sitting and watching tv eating my Lucas and I have to run to the bathroom and damn if it doesn't hurt to throw up chili powder and salt!

Anyway, I have a point (somewhere) last night I was exhausted, had a bad day and needed a nap so Andrew went to the gym and took Andi with him. When they returned he and Andi had ice cream and he threw me a paper bag and I opened it up and look what I found.

This isn't from Costco either, this is from a store called Water and Ice and he bought each of those individually. He said when he got to the check out counter he just said "my wife is pregnant" and they guy laughed.

So that is really saying something that Andrew knew that I could care less about the ice cream and wanted this crazy stuff..... I must be growing a penis in there.....

2 weeks until the actual u/s to tell us for sure, but I would be shocked if this wasn't a boy, plus I am really starting to like the idea of a son. All was well at my apt. the whale shark apparently had no effect on the little one and I get to deliver at the hospital I wanted to, but my Dr. didn't deliver there, but now does. Yeah! Andrew may actually have a place to sleep at this hospital. Not that I really care about his comfort after having a child ripped from my insides, but hey if someone is comfortable, well that is better than none.

Viva Mexico

2008-08-20T14:34:00.000-07:00

Logic and me and two peas in a pod, that’s how I work, if it makes sense then great. I am not much of a dreamer and I get accused of being pessimistic by “those” optimists that don’t really understand that logical and pessimistic are two different things. I don’t get on a plane thinking it will crash, but I do get on a plane knowing that the odds are low but the plane could crash. There is a big difference. Hear that hunny? There is a difference.
So when I find myself out in the ocean on a small ski boat going in circles looking for a shark to jump in the water with my logic is saying, hey we don’t do stuff like that. You see a shark; you stay in that boat and go to the shore. But no that is not how it went on Friday, August 15th 2008 in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico.
We got to Cancun on Thursday, safe and sound. We stood in line for what seemed forever in customs and then walked thru the chaos of people selling time shares and found our shuttle. Took a deep breath of that fresh ocean air and got on our shuttle and rode the hour ride to our resort in Playa Del Carmen. We get there and immediately there are issues. They have no record of my mom’s reservation. Oh let me go back. I have been friends with the bride since I was in the 2nd grade. We went to the same church and our mom’s were friends. So my family was all invited to the wedding but since not everyone wanted to fork over the money to go it ended up just being Andrew and me, and my mom and my niece, Ariel (17). Ariel knew the brides younger sister so that is why my mom brought Ariel. Ok so back to the story. They had no record of my mom’s reservation and we were in line I am pretty sure for 30-45 min getting situated. We ran into the groom who said that their wedding planner skipped town and the resort had no record of there even being a wedding on Saturday. That was a huge mess and I just felt so bad for them. I guess it was a fighting match up until the minute she walked down the gorgeous beach aisle. But that is their story to tell. I was not involved in the wedding at all and the details I don’t know. I just felt really really bad for them and pray to God they were able to relax after the wedding. They did get a great room though out of the deal, not that they shouldn’t have had one for bringing 30 guest to their hotel, but again, their story to tell. Not mine.
So only having Friday to do something we all had to decide on an excursion and for some reason my hell no vote really made no influence on the tour that picked us up at 5:50AM (on VACATION) and to take us on a two hour drive to Cancun (had to pick up strangers along the way) to get on a boat and get off the boat and voluntarily hop in the water with a freaking shark. Whale shark to be exact and they aren’t exactly meat eaters with those big scary teeth, but c’mon I don’t like to hang around pit bulls, even if the owner says they are sweet, it is still a pit bull that will eat my face off. His name is shark, ok.
But that is where I found myself on Friday, in the middle of the ocean looking for a shark. I asked Andrew, “How are we going to see a shark out here?” he says “their dorsal fins are 6 feet tall; you think you will miss that? Yikes! So Andrew to the rescue he sees the sharks first and there isn’t just one, but 4 sharks out there. You can see their dorsal fin and their tails sticking out. It really was awesome to see, from the boat. My stomach dropped and I started silently panicking. Andrew being a gentlemen and myself being scared to freaking death we were the last to go. They sent us in pairs with a guide and everyone managed to do it safely. Then it was our turn. We jump off the boat and swim as fast as we can to catch up with the big fella. I was right behind Andrew and got smoked in the face and stopped swimming. Then I went to the side of him and when I caught up with the big guy he dove down deep beyond our field of depth. But I saw him. I swam near him and I was totally satisfied. Andrew, well not so much.
We got back on the boat and everyone got to go again, well only two couples wanted to do it again and since my mom and I didn’t, Andrew and Ariel went back out two more times. For some reason after most of us got out of the water we were all of a sudden really sick. There were 5 of us out of 10 who were really sick. I saw two people puke overboard. I didn’t, but wanted too. They didn’t feed us like we were promised by the sales dude until lunch, but we were told we would get breakfast and lunch. I don’t know if it was lack of food, or sitting there rocking while others swam, whatever it was it was not fun and we just wanted out of there. I am glad Andrew and Ariel had fun and Andrew although was told not to, he touched the big guy… don’t tell.
They finally fed us sandwiches and took us to a reef where we snorkeled. That was fun and more my pace. Little fish and rocks. While we snorkeled they made ceviche and let me tell you, that was worth the whole day! It was awesome. We all sat, us 10 strangers, and ate ceviche and talked. We got to meet some very interesting people and all in all it was a pretty cool day. I can guarantee it is something I will never do again so although I am not sure I can say I am glad I did it. I can say it was an interesting experience. I did tell my mom though, next time she wants to spend $200 on me, let’s make it some shoes.
We didn’t get back to our hotel until 4:30 pm and we were ravished! It was an all inclusive resort so we sat and ate at a buffet and when we got back to our room my mom realized she didn’t have her wallet. Sigh. Thank God Eric Estrada look alike tour guide was trying to track her down while we were sitting and eating and finally got a hold of us in our room (my mom’s key was in her wallet so they couldn’t get in her room) and he returned it. In Mexico you loose your wallet what are the odds of getting it back? So we went back to our rooms, napped and met up with the wedding party and friends for a 9pm dinner.
Saturday we got up, ate breakfast and went shopping in down town Playa Del Carmen. It was really cool down there. A little expensive since they knew we were all tourist, but for someone who hates to bargain I did ok. I got a guy down of two dresses for the girls and when I went to get a necklace I asked a guy how much he said 120 pecos, then another guy working there told me he’d give me a deal and sell it to me for 250 pecos since Andrew bought two Cubans from him (Andrew SUCKS at bargaining!), I looked at him and said “Your amigo just told me 120!” He said “Ok he’s the boss”. What a scammer! 120 pecos is about $12 and the necklace was worth it. I probably could have gotten it for $10, but I just paid the 120. After that we sat at the fun bar with the swings that I mentioned in the previous post that my mom was acting silly and told the foreigners that she was from “here” meaning Mexico, although that was not what she meant. That was really funny. Then we ate some lunch and went to Walmart and got a cab back. We rested at the beach for an hour or so. Andrew hopped in the ocean with what in his pocket? His cell phone! The only person with a phone with service there and blub, blub, blub went that. Well it was a little more zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, ccccccccccccccrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrkkkk….. And Andrew was like this &@#*&@!^#&!^@#&!^#^!@&$#$*@#@^$&#$@%#!!!!
Good times.
Then we went back to shower and went to the wedding. You’d never know there were problems with the whole thing if you weren’t told about them. It was beautiful and romantic and the guy who was on his honeymoon with his wife from Boston who officiated, well he was great! He really should get into that business. Still more of that crazy wedding tale that is not really my story to tell, I think my friend, the bride, needs her own blog just to tell the whole story! Hint, hint!
So after that we pretty much went to bed and woke up on Sunday and ate breakfast and spent a couple hours on the beach. I really could have had one more day that was just spent on the beach, but oh well… what can you do? Are beach vacations ever long enough?
Went home and was thrilled to see the girls.
I’ve got pictures on Flickr.
I spared my whole vent on the resort. There are many, but not worth my complaining. It was Mexico, going on Mexico time and it was all inclusive with gratuity included, I think had gratuity not been included we would have had a much more eager wait staff and well just staff period to help out. Money talks and if you want good service unfortunately you really have to pay for it.
So there you go. I think I am on page 3 on word…. I’m sure most of you will skim over this and that’s ok, I can’t even read it back to proof read, too ADD, it took me too long to write! I hope spell check did her job well.

Too much work to post

2008-08-19T13:25:00.002-07:00

I really can't post in detail today about our trip, I don't want to rush through, I want you all to share in the entire experience minute by minute, so in the meantime I will share a funny my mom did.
We are out shopping the marts and came upon a bar that had actual swings ilo bar stools, of course we were all over that and had to sit down. Mom and Andrew had an alcoholic beverage while my niece Ariel and I enjoyed a cool soda. While sitting there we were laughing at my mom b/c she wasn't quite understanding our bartenders directions to Walmart. Yes Ariel wanted some Mexican candy and apparently only Walmart had it. So a couple across from us is giggling at our exchange and whatever, it was funny. So a little later mom asks this young couple, or siblings, I don't know all white people look alike, where they were from and they said Sweden. They of course politely asked the same question back and my mom says "here". I just laughed so hard, mom corrected herself, but I had already lost it and called her Senora and just made fun of the whole thing and wouldn't you know it the couple across from us, from the US got quite a kick out of it all as well. She said here, we were in Mexico, get it? Funny? Maybe you had to be there....

What to say....

2008-08-13T09:28:00.004-07:00

I am in a bit of a block. We are leaving tomorrow for the wedding in Playa del Carmen (Cancun).
I am excited, but I am nervous as well. It is far away. I am not great with geography and just booked the trip thinking Mexico is a two hour flight at the most. I mean we live in AZ, Mexico is a 3 hour drive. I had no idea Cancun was so far away! Plus a little nervous about hurricanes and Andrew and I both being gone and on the same plane.... sigh.... I am a bit of a worry wart.
Money is really tight right now and I can't help but think this is the last thing we need to do before baby comes, but then again, it is already paid for and the place is all inclusive, if we didn't go we'd just be out $$ and sitting on our butts.
I love my friend getting married and her fiance is a really cool guy! I really can't wait to see them get married, I know she has waited a long time for this and so deserves this!
I am just worried. I worry about my mother in law getting around town with the kids, she is not from here. I know she is totally competent, I just worry. Lily is having a seizure or two a day.. so I worry.
Sigh....
I took a yoga class on Monday night and being a little bit competitive I tried every advance pose (of course within caution of the belly) but ooohhh I am sore in places I didn't know could be sore.
I am going again tonight, I hadn't slept like that in ages! This time Kibberts is joining me and I can't wait to have a buddy this time around. Everything is more fun with a friend.
Please say a little prayer for me.... "Say a little prayer for you" or of course for your heathens send me good vibes, comforting vibes. And safe plane ride vibes... our kids need us! Oh and no shark attacks, well they can attack Andrew, just not me... oh and no horrible hurricanes... oh and maybe for my friend a sunny wedding day.....
I know I am a cluster F of crap today, but that is what my brain goes through every night.

Go USA!!!!

Tisk Tisk

2008-08-12T15:39:00.000-07:00

Bad blogger, go to your room.

Out of her mouth

2008-08-08T14:33:00.001-07:00

I was in the bathroom with Andi and I had just finished dinner and I was astonished at how big my stomach is already and I said to Andi "if I keep growing at this rate I will be HUGE come January!" and she said "yeah and then you will look like daddy!"
LOL

Have a good weekend

Where does she get it from???

2008-08-06T09:33:00.005-07:00

As I sit her really needing too poo and being put on hold for let's see um 15, now 25 minutes trying to schedule a Dr. apt, I will post.

Andi is a goofy child. I have been told by a woman, mother to 5 and grandmother to I don't know, 10, that she has never met a child like Andi. I thought, wow, this woman knows kids and Andi is odd, even to her. She has always been odd to us, but this is why I am saying this today.

The camera. I have it out a lot and Andi always says "take a picture of me like this mama!" "Take a picture of me like this!" So I do. But we were at the pool last Thursday and the sun was bright and I wanted a cute summertime close up and this is how it went...

I laugh and shake my head and we continue to swim. Then I ask Andrew to take my first belly picture, 13 weeks, and this is how it went.

Andrew shakes his head and says "I wonder where she gets it from".

Oops. Apple. Tree.

That's a large almost 13 week belly folks. It's gonna be a long 27 weeks folks.

My Man

2008-08-05T15:14:00.003-07:00

Not only is he good in the sack.... look at what he did to Andi's room

This was our media room, she has not really had a room. She had a nursery then that room was a media room (hence the large tv that will NOT stay in there, she will get a much smaller one, but she will have a tv.... save your judgments for someone else) her bed was in Lily's room but they can't really share a room since Lily is up through the night and a little noisy, so she was either in our room or mostly on the couch... again save it.... so anyway Andrew decided on those colors and the antique green. I think it looks awesome and it just took 3 books last night read to her and then she watched Finding Nemo and was out. All night in her room. We gave her the queen bed that was in storage so when Grandma comes to visit they can share a bed. It made the most sense. So waaallaaaa... Lily's room is this weekend.... can you guess we are having company next week?

Driving with Me

2008-08-04T10:53:00.003-07:00

We took the kids up north this weekend for some fun creek swimming and some relaxing. We had a great time and two friends of Andrews came with their girlfriends. We all had a real great time. I was very grateful to his friends who were so willing to make sure Lily was able to enjoy the fun as well as the rest of us. They all worked together to get her and her wheelchair down the mountains and into a nice soft beachy spot. It was really sweet to see these guys holding Lily and doing what they could to keep her included.
On the way back home Andrew and I were discussing our trip to Cancun coming up Thursday the 14th. I have mentioned it a few times, we are going for a good friends wedding. Well it is an all inclusive vacation except for excursions of course, so we were discussing ones we'd like to do. Andrew has this obsession with sharks thanks to the Discovery Channel and he says you can swim with sharks in Cancun, well I found online you can swim with whale sharks and they are pretty harmless and it is a snorkeling adventure, not scuba so I said maybe I would do it, but I said it very hesitantly. He says why are you so scared they are harmless they don't bite, and I said well even if they can't bite me, I am pretty sure they can push me pretty far! He knows I am the most cautious human on the planet so why does he even bother with these conversations with me. I said I would snorkel b/c the difference with snorkeling and scuba (besides the whole panicking under water thing and trying to scream which isn't good with an oxygen tank in your mouth, but that is a whole different story I will save for never) but the difference is if I get freaked out while snorkeling I can always pop my head up and pretend I never saw anything and if I don't see you, you don't exists (probably also why I get in trouble on my blog) and with scuba if I see you and I can't go anywhere to hide, well that is when I get in trouble.
So after that long winded conversation that I am sure just overly exhausted my husband, I ended it with this "you know my favorite excursion that I love the most? The one where you lie down and put your face in a round circle and they rub you, I like that one".

He loves me.

Oh and I saw Mama Mia again this weekend. I think it is borderline obsession and I think Andrew is getting nervous with his son in my stomach hearing Abba all day long. He might as well prepare for a son on Broadway because if I have anything to do with raising this young lad, it will be a lot of music and dancing and arts and crafts. Deal with it!

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

2008-08-01T14:55:00.002-07:00

So we had an ultrasound today. It was to check for down syndrome. When my Dr. first asked if I wanted to test for DS I said not really, like I care, that would be a walk in the park compared to all we've done with Lily, but then I said what does the testing involve? He says it is an ultra sound. Ok then yes I would like that test.
I went to this big fancy center with state of the art crap. Because of my tilted uterus she had to rape me with the largest contraption to ever go inside me (sorry hunny) and we saw our little thing waving and moving and I just couldn't believe how formed a baby is at 12, well almost 13 weeks. Actually it measured at 13 weeks, so it's a little big. No surprise there.
But what was surprising was that the tech showed us something and said she is 95% certain of her guess.

You would never believe what a tiny 13 week old fetus has in between his legs.... holy crap! A PENIS! Really? Seriously? I won't believe it until our 20 week u/s, but if it isn't a penis, that will be one sad girl with a really large.... Deloris (Seinfield fans? Anyone) Not making it that easy for you nasty google searchers....

So unless she is really wrong, and we all saw it.... I am going to have to buy stock in band aides and balls and sh!t..... I'm not ready for this.

Friendly Friends

2008-07-30T10:01:00.002-07:00

So Andi asks in a round about way last night why aren't we friends with a couple we used to be friends with. I just said "because honey, Suzanne (name changed for obvious reasons) wanted to be your new mommy." Andrew just looks at me and whispers "Kim!"

I will do my best to tell the story in a way that keeps every player (I mean playa) totally annon..... btw my husband is totally innocent and an awesome husband. I just have to tell this story!
Give me time. I need to be creative in how to share. This post alone got edited 20 times.
I can't figure how to post just one private post. Anyone know? Then I can be a little more forthcoming.

Tidbits of Nothing

2008-07-29T14:48:00.004-07:00

I saw Mama Mia again on Saturday and I still want to go again. I am like a teenager when Titanic came out.

I am really starting to look puffy. I have to already unbutton my jeans. Sigh.

My computer was a c tease this weekend. I had internet all day Saturday yet when my jeans I wanted on Ebay (Citizens Maternity Jeans, not altered(!)) were at the end of the auction, internet was totally a goner. I had Kibberts bid for me and she had never Ebayed before and I told her no more than $88 (I know, but those are like $175 new), but she got some kind of fever and bid $90 for me and was outbid for $91. She got all crazy and is now hell bent to make this woman's (or mans, not judging) Ebay life miserable. She is crazy. I still have time before I need those jeans, this is why I am looking early, it will take awhile to find them under $90.

My cousin had her cute little baby yesterday. She is so sweet and I can't believe I will have one of those in six months! Wow!

I'm having a hard time deciding on a VBAC or another C-section. I really did not like my c-section, I know tons of women just love them, but I am not one.... kidding here. But I am so scared, Lily had a broken collar bone and her face was so bruised, after 40 weeks 3 days I was induced and would have not had her for several more days (weeks) if not induced, I went in at 1cm dilated. Most likely that was not the cause of her issues, but who knows. With Andi I choose a c-section because I was so scared of having problems delivering, and she is totally fine (well that really is a matter of opinion, but for the most part her brain is functioning well), but now I don't know. Andrew says just do another c-section (it was cool to watch apparently), Kibberts says don't take the chance, she and I know all too well brain injuries. But I am reading a lot of interesting things and another friend (who reads and comments here, hi! you know who you are) had difficulties her first time, (her daughter and Lily were in the same class), then she had a c-section, then a successful and safe VBAC. That is really inspiring. I don't know. I have time. What do you all think. I have a tilted uterus, I think small pelvis area and large babies (8 +). Worth it? Sigh... Next topic up... immunizations! Just kidding.

For the cause....

2008-07-25T13:59:00.002-07:00

So the news had a report today saying that the stricter the parent the more sexually active the child will become. Of course who knows who does these studies and whatever, I am just saying it was on the news, and it is in my favor so when Andrew calls me to the room to hear it, I say "see I am just insuring Andi will not be sexually active, at all....ever".
Andrew thinks I am too easy and that was a wonderful thing to hear from the newscaster b/c we all know how dads feel about their little girls knocking boots.

Happy weekend!

Do you ever wonder?

2008-07-23T10:52:00.003-07:00

Do you ever wonder if your kids are sometimes kidding. Like you hear her screaming for a cupcake at 8am and tell her no and then she cries and acts like her life is over. Then stops and asks for coke. Then it is a no and it is screaming, crying and on the floor. Then she stops (after her mama totally ignores her) and asks for a banana. I just look at her. Grab a banana, hand it to her and walk away.
But I can't help but shake my head and think, she is kidding. She is doing this on purpose. She is seeing what she can get from me and I just wanna drop kick her. (Of course I would never.....)
I am a very lax mom. Everyone knows it. I have been offended at times for being called out on it, but not anymore. I accept it. I am lax. I am a lax person. I am a peace keeper and yes although I do have a bit of a hot head, I am usually incredibly guilty after blow ups and for that sake I do my best to stray from them. So I am lax. But with Andi I decide while she is whining and asking, is this important? If I decide to say no, I need to stick to no and of course I have been weak, but for the most part I stick to no. And sometimes sticking to no is HARD and all I want to do is throw a cupcake at her, but I don't. But I sure want to. Kind of like when Andrew was quitting smoking years ago and at times I would yell, "go smoke!" But a lot of times I decide it isn't that big of a deal and fighting isn't going to get either of us anywhere, so I am lax. But I think that is where Andi tests me more. I don't always say no, so she tests the water to see if mom will say no today or not. I don't know. I am totally rambling. Some mornings are just so tough with that child and I know the power struggles are just going to get harder and over much bigger things. Sigh.
If this child growing inside me is anything like her, I think I will need an early grave.
By the way, are my boobs going to stop hurting soon? I honestly can't remember, do they hurt the whole time? They feel bruised and I know it will just get worse once I become once again a human pacificer. Let me know those of you who remember or are beyond the first trimester. How can I forget all this stuff? Do I have to be Michelle Duggar and on baby 18 to not forget what happens next?

Vegas! Shower! Oh My!

2008-07-22T14:18:00.013-07:00

I am posting Vegas pictures today. I finally uploaded pictures and do I ever have a lot! 314!! I will upload the nice ones to Flickr and share the crappy ones with you all!

Oh and before I forget, my curry chicken salad sandwiches were a hit! I even had people asking for the recipe! I can really only give the ingredients since I don't really have a recipe per say, but here they are: Chicken (either chopped or from a can), mayo, curry powder, hot chili oil and raisins. I do know for every teaspoon on curry powder you need a 1/4 tsp of hot chili oil. You can eat it on lettuce or on bread like a sandwich. It is really good. Now I can pretty much guarantee you all that will most likely be the last time I ever give cooking advice.

Now on to the fun!

VEGAS!

We got upgraded to a suite! Jenn in the tub

Gloria in the media room (nice ass.... just look)

Queen Mom on her bed

Out on the town... thank God for the little timer button on my sweet little cannon

Walking around, Jenn double fisting

Mom and Gloria (who just said oooohhh that shot in my fat tuesday drink was
strong!)

Very strong!!! (a few hours later)

Oh and it wouldn't be fun without some male "don't(s)" I found walking the strip!

Shorts this short on a man are a totally don't

And this shirt is a don't as well....

Of course these are my humble opinions and before anyone leaves me annon comments with bible verses about glass houses or whatever, let me say right now.... I don't give a flying rats ass... I am a fashion critic in my own right and have the authority to judge fashion.

OH and ONE more thing.... I saw Mama Mia on Saturday and I swear I could have sat right thru it again! I was singing, I was laughing and I was crying. And for all those critics that so harshly judged sexy Pierce for his singing I say, "kick rocks!" because he humbled himself and it was endearing to me. I think male critics shouldn't even be allowed to criticize a chick flick. I will see that movie again and again and will buy it when it comes out and watch it again and again.

Yes Chef!

2008-07-18T11:08:00.001-07:00

Let’s play hypothetical: Pretend there is someone whom you are close to and let’s say they are an incredible artist and you like to draw stick figures. Well imagine that one day you draw the best stick figure you have ever drawn, granted it is only a stick figure, but your close friend says they want that stick figure in their art gallery. How would you feel? Elated! Overly joyful? Of course you would. Because that expert is saying, hey you did well, you are good enough.
Well that just happened to me. Just my stick figure happens to be a curry chicken salad sandwich that I like to make from time to time and the artist is my sister the chef, not professionally, but certainly could be, and the art gallery is our cousins shower who my sister is catering for. Now don’t start dismissing the shower. You don’t understand my mom and sister are throwing this shower. They aren’t the type to throw silly crap around and make you eat baby food. They are throwing a real tea party baby shower. Like a real tea with the little sandwiches and yes, tea. When my sister said “I would like you to make your curry chicken salad sandwiches for the tea” I got a wide smile from my eyes to my teeth and exclaimed “Yes Chef!” I went to the store for all the best ingredients and will make my little sandwiches and not in vain. I will do it for the good of that little baby barely still in my cousin’s tummy. Now yes, they throw a good shower, but they are a little late. My cousin is due next week and I saw her yesterday and I swore I could see a little arm popping out of her va-ga-ga. So maybe we procrastinate a bit, that is ok. Put it this way, at least she doesn’t have to sit around for a month or two just looking at baby stuff, with no baby. Right? She has her stuff and she can just take it to the hospital with her after our high noon tea.
It is funny though, looking at her I am thinking, I really don’t want to be in that part of my pregnancy. I hate those last few weeks. They are miserable. You are so big, you can’t move and everything is uncomfortable. But then again, I hate where I am right now as well. Still sick. Still tired. I am 11 weeks on Sunday and I thought I would be feeling better by now. I am hoping that 13 really is the magic number. So I am wondering what part of pregnancy did I really like? I always say I loved being pregnant and I am thinking, was I just saying that? Maybe just the fun times between week 15 and 30 when the movements are small and you can still breathe and go 2 hours with out peeing your pants. Is that the part I loved? I must remember not to say that anymore.
It is 114 degrees outside and as nasty as you can imagine. All I did was read the header to Crystal’s blog (boobs, injuries and dr. pepper) and I got this insane craving for Dr. Pepper. Like a huge, serious craving! I quit soda back in February and have been fine. Plus Coke was always enemy number 1. I never used to have an issue with Dr. Pepper, but as of right now I really think I need it. I have had a few Sprites due to a weak stomach but otherwise that is the only soda I have had. Will I have one today? Oh man, only time will tell…. Time and will power… it is coming to lunch time…..

Wall of Fame

2008-07-16T13:49:00.003-07:00

So at work we have a Wall of Recognition and well everyone has been recognized, but me. It's been up for at least 6-8 months.
My mom saw it and said, "that's sad". I said "I don't need anyone patting me on my back and telling me I did a good job, every one gets paid on Friday, I do my job right." That is all that matters right? Plus didn't we learn that in life it is a whole lot cooler to not be doing what everyone else is doing?
That is what I keep telling myself anyway.

Just a friendly note from your never employee of the month.

Divine Miss M

2008-07-15T12:03:00.002-07:00

OMG! That was the BEST show ever! I absolutely recommend it to anyone!!! I even think Andrew would have enjoyed it, there were showgirls in g-strings at one point. But yeah, it was fabulous!
I had no problem being in Vegas and not drinking. I had a great time and slept like a rock both nights, I slept past 8am every day! So unusual for me.
We drove up on Friday and it took about 5 hours with a couple stops. We laughed so hard and really had a great time. I am so lucky to be able to be so close with my mom, sister and aunt.
We shopped, gambled (twice I put a dollar in the quarter slot and won $10 so I cashed out), swam, and ate out and of course Bette on Saturday night.
She was adorable and hilarious and when she sang The Rose I got goosebumps and teared up.
What an experience. I rarely had any nausea and I am wondering if it is waking up early that really heightens it because I was up at 6am on Monday and the nausea hit me hard on the head right when I sat up, but when I slept in I was fine. That is weird. Unless it is my house that makes me sick, which is a total possibility.
Andrew did just fine in my absence, although he held hostage our 17 year old niece, he did well.
So that really did de-funk me. I felt great there and was so happy!
I'm excited that next Sat (the 26th) we're driving two hours north and staying at a cabin (mom of a friends place) and enjoying the woods. I have this strange obsession with swimming in natural waters, there is nothing more refreshing to me, and that is what we are doing. Going to a swimming hole!
This has been the most traveled summer I have ever had, and probably the last in a long time!
Cancun is in 4 weeks! Although we will be paying forever on it, I am so excited to see my friend get married. She is so artistic and creative I can't wait to see her dress and the bridesmaids and so on. It will really be an awesome vacation!

I am almost out of this trimester, two more weeks. I am hoping the nausea will take a hike by then and then things will be so much better.

Oh and to show I am not all chipper right now, we got termites. So there goes 4 Wii's. Sigh. $1150! Our house is only 8 years old. Sigh.
What can you do? There is always something.

Taking a break

2008-07-09T14:10:00.003-07:00

Alrighty folks it is summer and that is for sure. Not in the mood to do anything. It is so hot. I am so sick all the time and T-I-R-E-D! Three more weeks and I am out of this trimester. Sigh... I pray the rest will be better. Not complaining.... just.... complaining.
I have tomorrow off and although it is supposed to be spent with my kids, Kibberts and I are sharing a sitter and getting facials in the AM (she has a GC and is sharing). Then for Lily's last day at summer school we have an ice cream social. I'm never one to turn down ice cream! Then folks if anything will get me out of my rut it will be spending Saturday night in Vegas with Bette Midler! Ahhhh yeah! We've been planning this since April. Didn't know I'd finally get knocked up, but I don't care, nothing will cure my funk like a little Bette. I love that woman and simply cannot wait for this! So Friday my mom, sister, aunt and I will be driving the very long drive in the hot desert, have a day at the pool, dinner out and then Sat a little of the same then spend the evening with my lady.

Jill if you are reading this I know you will poop! Remember when we played cards in Jr. High just singing to her best of album!

I know this ages me tenfold and I don't give a flying rats ass. Bring it on!

Can't drink, Can't Smoke, Don't Gamble. Vegas Baby!

Snow bird

2008-07-08T13:28:00.001-07:00

I'm back, but realized I want to be a snow bird.

We left Greer it was 55 degrees, got back in the valley 110. Yuck.

Too much on my mind to blog. Check out Lily's site if you want.

What are the odds?

2008-07-02T13:20:00.002-07:00

So over at Dooce she is giving away 5 Wii's and Wii Fit. You just have to leave a comment. Wanna know how many comments are on there right now? 36,000 something. Yeah.
But I figure when you have a kid that is one is a freaking trillion why the hell not throw my name in there, once or twice or twenty times. I really want that thing. Like really bad. But when gas is $4 a gallon, coffee is $4 a cup, milk is $3 a gallon and I go an get knocked up again, going out and spending $300 on a game is probably not really an awesome idea.
Now don't go over there and enter and ruin my awesome odds either. I mean it. Let me win.

We are off like a prom dress. Getting the hell out of this hell. I always forget what is in store for us every summer. I've lived here almost 30 (gasp) years and I still complain like a little old lady every time I step outside and I will continue to until October. It is just plain nasty and when you are constantly fighting the urge to throw up everything you have ever eaten, well it is just worse.
We are leaving tomorrow morning to Greer, AZ (that little one in pink is Andi) this is my dad's rental property website. Just showing you where we will be for the next 5 days! Awwwww can't get there soon enough.

Stay safe. Stay fire free. Watch your pets, they get scared with all those loud noises.
Or just throw yours in a kennal all weekend long like us... woot woot

I'm here and queer

2008-07-01T13:16:00.002-07:00

Two hours of Bachelorette last night... SWEET! I know, I am fully aware of the fact I am alone in watching show season after season, but what can I say.... eat me.

So the little human is doing well. It is a for real thing. I saw with my two eyes. We tried the ultra sound on my belly first and we could see the little thing, but since my uterus is tilted and my abs are so strong (ahem) she said it would be easier to do the whole up the whoo whoo. That was a much better view, we heard the little heart loud and strong and I must say he or she was pretty darn cute. It is named Ollie. Our little shrimp of a thing.

So yesterday Kibberts had Andi over for our Dr. apt and she was snoozing, so while Lily napped, Andrew and I lied down in the bedroom and watched TV and rested before Andi came back home, he had control and was watching The Deadliest Catch. His latest obsession. I asked where Marky Mark was and he said "why the hell would he be on this show, he isn't a fisherman?" I said "oh yes he is, and if Mark Walberg and George Cloney aren't on this fishing boat I don't want to watch this show." Then Andrew sighed and ignored me.

I will succeed in Bunco tonight. I will win first place. Our little Ollie is awesome and I will win first place.

The power of The Secret folks. It is the power.